Arctic Ice to be free in summer – but only for a limited time Greenpeace says

Greenpeace have announced a big give-away, Arctic Ice will be free to anyone who wants it in summer but only for a limited time.

The recent news in from IARC-JAXA (International Arctic Research Center / Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency) is that in August-September 2009 that the arctic sea ice minimum exceeds that of 2005 and thus there is evidence of Global Cooling has caused much consternation in the among global warming fascisti.

Hard on the heels of this comes a British expedition to measure Arctic Ice thickness who report the thinning of sea ice.

The give-away has been organised by Greenpeace ostensibly to benefit all those green consumers who have thrown away their fridges due to worries about the Ozone layer and Global Warming only to exchange them for worries about food poisoning. On the other hand it could be seen as a neat way to reduce the sea ice and thus refute the Japanese work and cover this up by so-called good works.

“It’s the most natural way of keeping things cool” said Dawn Lovedyke the GP spokesperson and editor of the website lesbiangaia.web. “We are also planning refrigerated mercy ships to Africa and the Third World, after all everyone, without exclusion, has the right to Ice in their Budweiser even if they only eat Yam porridge.”

At a press conference having being picked up off the ice late yesterday after a trek of 435.782km, the British Catlin Arctic Survey team led by tough-guy Pen Gwynn and his companions, bulky unprepossessing Anny Portinstorm and puny scientist D.O.A. Attwork reported that ice floes were less than 1.8567m thick showing that this was first year ice, ideal for breaking up by household ice picks.

The team met many hardships during the voyage including Polar Bears sitting on ice floes and Inuit realtors angry about the team breaking up perfectly good building materials. Anny was nearly lost when she fell through the ice but was lucky enough to be thrown back by a passing sperm whale. “It was the closest enounter I’ve ever had with a Sperm before, it will stay with me for the rest of my life” she said.

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Sobering summary

Pr. Bruce B. Sensible of the University of the Fucking Obvious at Skratchagoolie, Western Australia put forward a sobering balanced view to round off the press conference.

“See here maties, variations of this sort musta bin ‘appenin’ fer millions of years now and we’ve only bin watchin’ ’em fer the last thirty or so. There’s bin ice ages colder than a witch’s tit, an’ there’s bin interglacials when it were warmer than an abo’s arse in the shade.IN the 1970’s we were all goin’ ter freeze our arses to death. Here in Oz we couldn’t give a dam coz it can’t get much bleedin’ ‘otter than midday in Marble Bar. I don’t care what data they put in their bloody models they’d need a million fuckin years of proper data to make ’em anywhere near accurate an’ even then they’d cock up. Things is always going to change maties, its thermodynamics ain’t it. Fancy a Fosters anyone?”

Heh. More and better at The Spoof…