Goldman’s Near Perfection

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

  Goldman released its trading records from the 3rd Quarter today, and it was impressive.

 (Bloomberg) — Goldman Sachs Group Inc., the most profitable securities firm in Wall Street history, reaped more than $100 million of trading revenue on 36 days in the third quarter, down from a record 46 in the preceding three months.

  The firm’s trading division lost money on only one day during the quarter, down from two days in the second quarter, according to a quarterly filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. New York-based Goldman Sachs made at least $50 million on 53 of the 65 trading days in the period, or 82 percent of the time.

 The statistical probability of losing money on only 1 out of 65 days goes a little beyond just skill.

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 Goldman Sachs executives would agree with you that it isn’t about skill and talent. They are making buckets of money because Jesus wants them too.

 “The injunction of Jesus to love others as ourselves is an endorsement of self-interest,” Goldman’s Griffiths said Oct. 20, his voice echoing around the gold-mosaic walls of St. Paul’s Cathedral, whose 365-feet-high dome towers over the City, London’s financial district. “We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”

 So you see, it isn’t the close connections between Goldman Sachs, the Treasury Department, the NY Federal Reserve, and all the insider information that comes with it, that allowed Goldman to make extremely improbable and obscene profits.

  It’s Goldman Sachs’ close connections with Jesus, and all the insider information that comes with it, that allowed them to make extremely improbable and obscene profits.

  The fact there are so many former (and future) Goldman Sachs employees working in the Treasury Department and Federal Reserve helping to shape government policy for the benefit of Goldman Sachs has nothing to do with Goldman’s amazing success.

  It’s that heaven has decided that the rich must get richer.

 Finally, I want to dispel another rumor circulating the internet a few months ago that Goldman Sachs was in talks to purchase the Treasury Department.

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: “We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things.”

  Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger “is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don’t already own.”

 This is, of course, nonsense. It is nothing more than a cheap attempt at humor.

  Goldman would never make a huge investment in a federal government agency…unless it was in the best interests of the American public. Thus we have this REAL news story from today.

 Echoing Williams’ comments that any deal would have to benefit taxpayers, DuVally said, “”Fannie Mae is owned and controlled by the federal government. The only basis on which approval for any transaction would be given would be if it was clearly in the taxpayers’ best interest.”

 So you see, there is nothing to worry about. The former (and future) Goldman Sachs employees currently working in the Treasury Department, which also happens to control Fannie Mae at the present time, will certainly not act on this enormous financial deal unless it is in the best interest of the taxpayer, regardless of how it effects their soon-to-be future bosses at Goldman Sachs.

  Trust us.

Yet for some political reason or other, a few trouble-making congress people, who are only interested in grandstanding, are implying some sort of unethical behavior.

“We also know that — with all due respect to you,” Gutierrez said to Geithner, “that in the past, I mean, we have like one CEO of Goldman Sachs after another having your job. How do we know the next Secretary of the Treasury won’t be the former CEO of Goldman Sachs as they have been in the past? They seem to be interwoven, and that’s what the American public sees. They see the interconnectedness in terms of their power, their influence and always to their benefit.”

  “So as we see American workers’ dreams of retirement being delayed and postponed and vanquished, and we see them losing their homes, as we see them losing their small businesses, we see record profits over at Goldman Sachs,” said Gutierrez.

 Obviously Gutierrez didn’t get the memo from Heaven that Jesus has personally endorsed Goldman Sachs.

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24 comments

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    • gjohnsit on November 4, 2009 at 9:44 pm
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    Give generously to Goldman Sachs, because they are doing the work of Jesus.

    • Inky99 on November 4, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    you’ve figured out a way to cheat.

    Hmmmmmmmm.

    Which Casino would Jesus rip off?

    • Edger on November 4, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    Fucking Christ.

  1. “We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”

    I guess obscene profits is Goldman’s cross to bear. Dont you feel sorry for them?

  2. it’s not that deal they made with Satan?

  3. Anybody at the SEC even mildly interested?

  4. Cool!

    The things we learn online!  He sure was one talented fellow!

  5. At Goldman Sachs, It’s Mostly $100 Million Days

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

    GREAT. More publicity on this is good. Very good.

  6. were of my visit to Prague  a few years ago – and the St. Charles bridge. (Isn’t that the one with the heads?).

    They were great on defenestrations too.

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