A Merry Fucking X-Mas

and for many of us, at best, the holidays represent a stew of mixed emotions, a stirring of memories both happy and sad, the constant reminders on the television that we are not normal if our Christmas is not filled with joy, and wondering to ourselves whether the times we live in today may someday seem wonderful compared with the world that will host the Christmases of the future.

Some have said that knowledge is power.  Those of us who have taken the time and trouble to understand the world as it really is assume an even heavier burden in the “bargain.” Even the most serious-minded among us need to take a breather from such difficult toil, hence the diversionary diaries on this site, many taking the form of sharing photos, humor and music with each other.

I sometimes have to struggle to avoid falling into despair when I consider the direction this country, and to some extent, the entire world seems to be taking.  There is little I can do, at least individually, to change what is occurring on those fronts, although this does not relieve me of my self-imposed responsibility to do what I can.  That said, I cannot afford to ignore that world which exists within arm’s reach, where I can exert a far greater and more immediate impact.  

I’ve heard it said that if we can somehow force ourselves to bring a smile to the face of at least one sad, dejected person a day, that we will soon begin to feel better ourselves.  

I have worked in the mental health field for more than thirty years, and have learned that depression imposes an incredibly heavy burden on those it afflicts, like that of carrying about a heavy weight, day and night.  I would never presume to recommend to anyone that they start or stop taking medications, since for at least some, such a change may potentially represent a life or death issue.  I do remain convinced, however, that medications are overprescribed.  An article that more fully explains this contention can be found here.

Oftentimes a physician, during the five minutes they have allotted for each client, may not have the time to ask the questions that need to be asked.  The easy solution and the one that would most certainly protect one liability-wise would be that of reaching for the prescription pad, for, along with the adage, “First, do no harm”, might also be the corollary, “Be able to demonstrate convincingly that you took definitive action to prevent your patient’s suicide.”  

I know nothing about your own situation, other than what you’ve described, however, many have found that a variety of approaches have relieved their depression, or at least reduced it to manageable levels.  Among these approaches are: 1) taking St. John’s Wort (commonly prescribed in Europe for mild to moderate depression), 2) cognitive behavioral therapy (oftentimes in conjunction with a board certified psychologist who is qualified by experience and training to provide such interventions), 3) participation in a Twelve Step Program (if not AA or NA, Al-Anon, Emotions Anonymous, etc.) and/or 4) perhaps one of the most powerful, and overlooked, antidotes — that of locating someone whose burden in life is even greater than our own (such a person may not be as difficult to find as we might initially imagine) and do something to help brighten their day.  

The helping profession can sometimes provide great satisfaction, that of witnessing a client whose life improves before our very eyes, almost always owing to their efforts, not ours. And all too often, there is also the sting of acute disappointment, occurring when someone who has worked diligently for months or even years to achieve painstaking, considerable progress, inexplicably commits a destructive act of self-sabotage.  A slogan I heard nearly thirty years ago has helped me hundreds of times to keep matters into perspective:

We are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.

Certainly, the Serenity Prayer has oftentimes served that function as well:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When I find myself heading in the wrong direction, I try to apply the template of the Serenity Prayer to the situation, and oftentimes, when I finally do this, wonder again why I didn’t think of it sooner.  Almost without fail, I discover that I’m trying to accept something I can change (but have procrastinated for various reasons), am trying to change something that is unchangeable, and, at times, having attempted these two options, remain uncertain for a time as to whether a situation before me can, in fact, be changed.

By taking any or all of the preceding steps, can someone go entirely off their medications? It’s difficult to say, however, this should only be done only under the supervision of the best mental health professional available (there is much variability from one provider to another). Even in cases where completely stopping medications is not possible, people are able to manage on lesser dosages, resulting in a lower side effect profile.

Whatever your situation may be, I sincerely hope you’ll become better acquainted with the simple pleasures of more and more frequent happy moments, however fleeting they may be. Such a journey, however rewarding, rarely follows a straight line.

Please take care, Michael Gass, and may you have the best winter holiday season possible.