(11 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)
The historic Conclave at Blair Castle has finally ended, the illustrious personages in attendance have shared their wisdom with us, and I have humbly transcribed their words, so serfs everywhere will be able to sleep well tonight knowing that all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well . . .
Obama, the Lord of Change, began the proceedings by talking about letters he’s received from serfs imploring him to provide them with more labor, and lamented the fact that many of them have lost their huts. Many other serfs are worried that they’ll lose their huts too, he said, and are just as worried that they’ll get sick, won’t be able to work in the fields anymore, and will get thrown out of their huts by sheriffs with Writs of Eviction.
Duke Alexander, a loyal vassal of King WellPoint, responded by arguing that most of the serfs still have their huts and don’t get sick every day. Consequently, it would be irresponsible to overreact by issuing that Proclamation of Healing the Lord of Change and his minions are so proud of. Furthermore, the serfs overwhelmingly oppose it, so it’s going to be necessary to start all over again and write an entirely new Proclamation of Healing.
Duchess Pelosi disagreed, and argued that the serfs are dropping like flies. We have to be bold and resolute, she said, or they’re going to keep dropping like flies and we’re going to run out of serfs.
Harry, the Earl of Reid, told a story about a serf who had been denied healing because of his pre-existing condition of serfdom, and argued that the Charter of Reconciliation should be used to pass whatever the Lords of WellPoint and Blue Cross are willing to allow.
Obama, the Lord of Change, discretely pointed out that many of the bogus measures Duke Alexander and his Knights of Conservative Conservatism claim will ease the suffering of the serfs and say they want in the Proclamation are already in there.
At this point, the Lord of Change and Duke Alexander had a lively exchange regarding the intricate challenges involved in screwing serfs in every possible way while pretending to protect them.
The Earl of Coburn blamed everyone but himself for the bad medicine the serfs have been getting and said there’s been too much waste. Waste is bad, he said, and bad medicine is bad too.
Steny, the Earl of Hoyer, talked about serfs being hurt and serf’s families being hurt and said that hurting serfs and their families is not acceptable. Max the Meticulous, the first and last Baron of Baucus, followed up by talking about a bridge and then everyone went to have lunch.
After lunch, Saint John McCain accused Obama, the Lord of Change, of conniving with the Princes of Pharma to cheat the serfs, and piously inferred that he would have been a better Lord of Change than the current one.
The current Lord of Change briefly discussed who’s living in the White Castle of Change right now and who isn’t, and inferred that it’s long past time for Saint John to seclude himself in a monastery somewhere.
Eric, the Bishop of Cantor agreed with Duke Alexander that the Proclamation of Healing was seriously flawed because the Knights of Conservative Conservatism had not been allowed to write every word of it.
At this point, town criers across the land suspended their reports of the proceedings to inform the populace of the latest events at the Winter Games, where the most athletic serfs in the world are skating and racing down hills and shooting black oval objects into nets.
When town crier reports of the proceedings resumed, Michael, the Earl of Enzi, pined for the good old days when the Knights of Conservative Conservatism protected the serfs from the evils of satanic partisanship, and everyone in the land prospered and never got sick because of the enlightened leadership and benevolence of Pope Ronald I.
Archbishop Rockefeller rebuked him and told a long story about sharks who sneak up on serfs when they’re swimming and devour them. As Duchess Pelosi had, Archbishop Rockefeller warned that there would be no serfs left in all the land if more crumbs weren’t tossed their way, preferably by 2018 if at all possible.
Joseph the Lame from the Barony of Biden reminded everyone that cuts in SerfCare would not hurt the serfs who hadn’t been devoured by sharks yet, and accused the Knights of Conservative Conservatism of bearing false witness against SerfCare.
Saint John McCain and the Earl of Kyl declared that Obama, the Lord of Change, was robbing future generations of serfs and said that the solution to every problem was to never tax any rich people ever again.
As this long day’s journey into night dragged on, Kent, the Village Idiot of Conrad, told a long incoherent story about his father, who had 80 years of Village Idiot experience and taught him everything he knows about idiocy. Let this be a lesson to all of us, he concluded.
Mitch, the Grand Duke of McConnell, summarized the situation by insisting that an overwhelming number of serfs oppose the current Proclamation of Healing, and inferred that if it is proclaimed through the Charter of Reconciliation, the Knights of Conservative Conservatism and God would have no choice but to throw the Usurper from Africa and his minions into the Bottomless Pit.
Obama, the Lord of Change, expressed his gratitude for Grand Duke McConnell’s gracious support, thanked everyone for their insights and suggestions, and wandered back through the gathering darkness to the White Castle of Change.