Wanna talk “shitty deals?”

Senator Levin got testy with Goldman execs for peddling, in their own words, what they knew to be “shitty deals.”  Of course, when you collapse the global financial system, it stands to reason that more than a few “shitty deals” by more than one shitty organization were involved.  

When 93% or more of 2006 vintage AAA-rated subprime mortgage-backed securities are now rated as junk, that’s an impressively high rate of “shitty deals going bad.”

Not to be out-done on crafting “shitty deals,” 99% of Goldman’s ABACUS deal CDOs are now junk.

At failures rates approaching 100%, the SEC and credit rating firms had to be cutting “some pretty shitty deals” themselves to fail to see the rising risk in mortgage products.  

There was and continues to be a “shitload” of collateral damage to the rest of us from “Wall Street’s shitty deals” which will be with us for a long time, as we have 103 months (8.6 years) to clear housing inventory at the current rate.  That’s a lot of “shitty deals hitting the fan” for “a long, shit-flinging time.”

Of course, if the Eurozone contagion spreads, or when-not-if the Chinese housing bubbles collapses, which some regard as the most important economic question in the world today, “a whole world of shitty deals” is going to be getting “a whole lot shittier.”  That’s really “more shit than we have fans.”

Between various branches of government and the all-engulfing corporate crime wave, there’s been more “shitty deals” than you can shake stick at.

Carl Levin himself advocated for the “really shitty deal” that was the financial modernization act.  Should he be grandstanding now?  Sure, shoving Wall Street’s noses in their “shitty deals” is great theater for pushing fake reform, but that just makes it part of “a larger, shittier deal.”

The Supreme Court handed us “the shitty Bush v. Gore decision,” which was indeed “a supremely shitty deal,” perhaps “the shittiest” in “a long historical record of shitty deals,” but let’s not jump to conclusions.  Citizens United was “pretty shitty, too.”

In the 2008 presidential election, we were given a choice between an unstable, wisecracking, bottom-of-the-class, jet-crashing, ne’er-do-well war-monger of extremely questionable health and judgment who rode his father’s and grandfather’s four-star admiralties into a senate career and a calm, credibly smooth-talking constitutional scholar who was comfortable using populist rhetorical flourishes in often commanding motivational speeches.

(cartoon by Mr. Fish. )

As it turns out, that choice was “a shitty deal” for Americans.

Between Obama and Bush, the bank bail-outs were “such ostentatiously shitty deals” that 99% of Americans would have to be giraffes to be only “neck deep in shit,” but rest assured that even giraffes on stilts won’t survive the suffocating dung heaped on Americans in the health care reform bill, the financial reform bill, and the deficit reduction “shitty deals” coming down the pike, as our cadavers will be perfused and embalmed with shit and eternally entombed in the Un-hallowed Mausoleum of Shit of the Unknown Taxpayer.  

To call those deals “shitty” is an insult to the wholesome, life-affirming qualities of excrement.  

While this last decade has been “particularly and egregiously shitty,” Americans, at least 95%-99% of us, irrespective of party, have been getting “nothing but shitty deals” for decades.

I suspect our collective realization of “just how shittily Americans are treated by their own government” oozed into consciousness as “a fecal stew bathing the sulci and gyri of our brains” during Bush’s response to New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.  That flagrant disregard for fellow citizens was “among the shittiest displays of inhumanity” this generation has observed.

(Speaking of which, whatever happened to that corpulent, human-bag-of-shit Dennis Hastert?  Did we ever manage to bulldoze his stinking corpse into the 9th ward, or is he making $35,000.00 a month in bribes lobbying for foreign governments?)

Huh.  Carl Levin is the government.  He is complaining about “all the shitty deals the government condones,” when “all of government is a shitty deal,” who can “shove their shitty deals up their shitty asses until they bleed.”