Mr. G Is Right

by John Cory

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs ranted that “the professional left” needed to be drug tested for their complaints and attacks on the Obama administration after all the good things Obama has done.

I agree.

We “professional leftists” do indeed need drug testing because apparently the colorful liquid inducing hallucinogenic of “hope and change” has worn off and the ugly mediocrity of modern Democratic leadership stares us in the face with the not-so-friendly smugness of a hookah-smoking caterpillar.

Maybe some good old-fashioned Window Pane or Micro Dot, or better yet, some natural organic ‘Shrooms could do the trick. After all, we are all mushrooms now as the old joke goes, kept in the dark and fed a pile of bullshit.

And really, what is there to complain about? BP and the Gulf Oil disaster? Come on, there are no plumes, the oil has evaporated, and if you clap loud enough you won’t notice where the poisonous garbage is being dumped. It’s all good, bro. Trust us.

And the fact that Gitmo continues unabated or that confessions obtained from a teenage boy under threat of rape is just part of the process, the very slow process of adhering to humane and ethical Constitutional principles, is simply the price we must pay for freedom. As a former president said, “It’s hard work.”

The Dems have worked hard to save Wall Street, which is the real economy and thus the real America. Listen you over-aged hippies this just ain’t your Grandpa’s America no more! Cowboy up!

I agree, drug testing for everyone.

Let’s start with the Democratic multi-acronym leadership. You guys get tested for an overload of estrogen and ever decreasing levels of testosterone. That might just explain your symptoms of impotence, foggy thinking, memory loss and mood swings.

In the meantime, I’ll find some Purple Haze and get a prescription for medical marijuana so I can pass that drug test while staring at a Steadman portrait of Hunter S. Thompson and chanting, “I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

I mean, how much worse could it get? Right?

On second thought, do you think Corexit can grow magic Gulf mushroom shrimp that disperse the reality of war and greed?

I HOPE I have enough to buy some. Anybody got spare CHANGE?

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