Obama Unveils Pwoggresive Ponies for Real Americans

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

Washington, D.C. – Amongst fanfare and joy, President Obama opened up his Pony Ranch today on the White House south lawn. The ponies, so so beautiful and with the shiniest coats ever, can only be seen by the President’s most loyal and dedicated Pwogressive fans.

From across the country, fanatical believers are flocking to Washington, D.C. to see the pony that President Obama says only Real Americans can gander. Those lucky enough to be on hand for the grand unveiling watched in hushed reverence as the herd of ponies, long promised, were to gallop across the pasture made of rainbows and happiness.

“For those great Real Americans, my loyalist of fans, the Pwoggressives, I give you your pony!” announced President Obama, holding a bridle and petting the air beside him. “Not only is this beautiful animal your long awaited pony, it will also cure cancer, end wars and lower taxes. But only the truly pure Pwoggresive can clearly see it, for it takes Real Eyes of Real Americans to behold this glory of the big warm eyes of these ponies.”

Beadle Metros, who had traveled all the way from the West Coast on his knees, stopping every three meters to pray he will be pure enough to see the pony, finally reached the fence and started shouting, “My God, that pony is full of stars!”

All around him, his fellow Pwoggresives also started to scream, “Yes! YES! I can see the glory of the pony now!”

One woman, wearing a Leftists Love Satan button and a shirt that said ‘Equality is Gay’ had to be helped by medical staff after she ran and tried to jump on the pony, only to land face first on the ground causing massive head trauma.

According to the medical response team, there was no fear of brain damage since she was, in fact, a pwoggressive.

This incident did not ruin the day as hordes of other pwoggressive kept flocking to the White House fence, all determined to see if they were ideologically pure enough to see Obama’s Real Pony.

“Our ponies’ hair can be spun into middle class tax breaks, and it’s breath can clean the entire Gulf of Mexico in one cute snort,” said Robert Gibbs, White House Press Secretary. “Those who truly understand what it means to be a Real American in Obama’s America can also see that their tails, in one playful swish, can end wars and close Gitmo.”

Like so many of President Obama’s fan, Shirley Markos was overcome with joy once she was able to truly see the ponies. “Goodness, would you just look at their shiny coats! Is that one dancing on a ball?!?? It is! What a wondrous sight for Real Americans like me!”

According to President Obama, the Ponies of Purity will deliver a victory for Democrats in midterm elections and grant him a second term.

“These ponies,” he said, with a smile of knowing, “can grant any wish, any dream, can change any failed policy or broken promise into exactly what Real Americans know is right for Real America. All you have to do is truly believe.”

27 comments

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  1. we are going to incessantly make fun of President Obama and his band of characters.

    It’s gonna be fun watching old and out of touch people try and metacraft for the Democrats during elections, since we are not Real American enough for them.

  2. I had no idea…. you had this in you! Im in tears!! Best snark/satire Ive seen in eons.

    An extra special magical pony for you!

    Photobucket

    • Edger on August 10, 2010 at 18:00

  3. To be the “professional left” don’t you have to be paid by somebody?  I mean: if you’re in the “amateur left” you don’t get paid, you do it for the ‘love of the game’.  But when you’re a professional, like in the major leagues, the big leagues, the big time, when you coulda been a contendah, you. get. paid.

    I thought, well, shit, I’m a professional leftist/progressive whatever.  And then I realized, to my chagrin, that I. have. not. been. paid.

    Could we get that part straightened out, then you can banish me to to the whitehouse/dog house or Elba or the bullpen or the peanut gallery or wherever it is that you send professionals after the big leagues…  

  4. good unprofessional lefty writing or professional what ever fun to read your almost fiction. I liked the stories you wrote when I first came to dkos and seemed to read in the dead of night, when all the ‘moderates’ were sleeping

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