“TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!”

Fade in to Barack Obama at his desk in the Oval Office.

Obama: Take me to your leader!

Voice offscreen: Cut!

David Axelrod enters from left.

Axelrod: No, no, no! The space alien says “Take me to your leader!” and your line is “I am Barack Obama, Leader of the Free World!”

Okay?

Obama: Okay.

Axelrod: From the top, people!

Axelrod exits left.

Fade in to Barack Obama at his desk in the Oval Office.

Obama: Take me to your leader!

Voice offscreen: Cut!

David Axelrod enters from left.

Axelrod: What the heck is wrong with you today? First you ordered a complete withdrawal of all NATO forces from Afghanistan, and we had to use the Time-Warp Obliviator to suck it back off TV! And now you keep flubbing your lines!

And we still have to wrap the scene where you announce $300 billion in tax-cuts for corporations.

Obama: What’s my motivation?

Axelrod: Your what?

Obama: Michelle signed me up for some acting classes, and we’re supposed to understand the character’s motivation. So what’s my motivation for giving $300 billion in tax-cuts to corporations that are already sitting on more than $1.8 trillion in cash that they refuse to invest? And why am I still wasting blood and treasure on that crazy war in Afghanistan, when everybody knows it’s unwinnable? And how can my character authorize assassinations of American citizens?

Axelrod looks at Obama suspiciously. Muffled noises are audible under the desk.

Axelrod: Omigod! It’s the President’s sock-puppet Jacob Freeze again!

Axelrod seizes “Obama’s” head and pulls off a mask, revealing Jacob Freeze. Secret Service agent enters from right.

Axelrod: How the heck did that idiot get in here again?

Agent: He must have used the Sub-Space Defrongulator!

Agent exits right with Freeze in handcuffs. Axelrod pulls the real Obama out from under the desk.

Axelrod: From the top, people!

Axelrod exits left.

Obama: I am Barack Obama, Leader of the Free World!