Greetings!
This is Barack Obama, President of the United States, blogging from the Oval Office through my sock-puppet Jacob Freeze.
Jakie was supposed to play my conscience in “Obama 2012: The Sequel” but Axelrod erased that role, and now my sock-puppet posts horrible insults all over the internet! I’m a “sociopathic con-man” today, and yesterday it was “bullshit Messiah!”
And now he’s appointing a Cabinet from Hell that I’m supposed to live with, and I’m not even talking about Krugman as Secretary of the Treasury or Greenwald as Attorney General!
He wants to replace Hillary Clinton with Wesley Clark as Secretary of State!
Dude! Hillary Clinton is my comic relief!
Half the time she doesn’t even know what country she’s in! She makes me look like a genius!
She told the Russians “It’s time to push the overload button!” What the heck does that mean? Nuclear war?
Harharharhar!!!
Worse yet, Jakie wants to replace my National Security Advisor, Whosis K. What’s-His-Name, with James Fucking Hansen, that gloom-and-doom weatherman from NASA, as if catastrophic climate change was more of a threat to national security than a bunch of raggedy tribesmen in the hills of Afghanistan!
Harharharhar!!!
But seriously, folks!
What did I ever do to deserve a paparazzo for a sock-puppet?