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With the Pope resigning and and scandals festering, the Catholic Church is in crisis!
Hurry! To the Conclave!
In their ancient meeting chamber, red-robed Cardinals from across the globe must battle corruption and disgrace and find a new face!
The Dean of the Cardinals, Angelo “The Clam” Sodano excels at the dark art of the pedophile cover-up– and has swept some of the evilest abusers under Vatican vestments.
While Cardinal Mahony, “The Shuffler,” arrived at the conclave fresh off a deposition delving into his past crimes of hiding child rapists in various states and countries.
Maybe German Cardinal Ratzinger is the one, and people won’t notice he helped keep crimes hidden too! Oops! He’s already been pope–
And is off to live in a freshly-remodeled, forty-three-hundred square foot cloistered nunnery, with tastefully-appointed immunity.
Out with the nuns, in with the former-Pope!
Maybe it’ll be a bold, brash American Pope, like Cardinal Tim Dolan! Who paid predators twenty-thousand dollars to make them go away.
Whoever said the money-changers can’t work for you?
But surely this character isn’t fit to be Pope! He blabs all about corruption, is a liberal when it comes to women in the Church, and he’s never said anything about priests being celibate!
It’s a new day for a new leader . . . to be chosen by the old leaders from the old days . . .
So, hurry! To the Conclave!