The Daily/Nightly Show (The Big Dog)

You know, in Euchre you declare trump with the first card you play.  If you’re interested I’ll teach you how to keep score with just a deuce and a trey.

Tonightly Alexandra Wentworth, Jamil Smith and Holly Walker plus a Surprise.

Continuity

Arby’s

Oh baby.  I was just flirting.  You know there’s nothing that can approach your stringy, fatty beef sliced so thin you can read through it, your soft mushy bun to suck up the horrible barbecue sauce at your sticky condiment bar or that orange cheese food product you sell for a buck a slice.  I pray every day you will invade more highway rest stops with your third rate fries and drive the evil (and he is evil, did you ever take a look at him?) flame broiled King from the land along with his maniacal clown side-kick.  Not even fatty little sausages fondling around a pool of greasy ketchup can compare.  Unlike Jon I appreciate your laxitive qualities on long trips where I’ll admit, I have a tendency to get a little bound up by strange food and water and hours and hours and hours of sitting.  A sleepless night on a neat and sanitized (that’s what the paper strip says and who am I to judge?) throne is a small price to pay for your purgative charms.

I love you babe.

This week’s guests-

• Wednesday 6/17: Bill Clinton
• Thursday 6/18: Malala Yousafzai

Woof, woof.  There are a lot of things to hate Bill Clinton for, but a blue dress ain’t one of them.  I’m loathe to think this may be the last “get” interview Jon books, but it’s not a bad one.  There will be web exclusive extended (probably 2 parts) for sure.

But you know Jon, if you can’t have Hil maybe you can give Bernie a spin.  Only 10 points behind in the first real primary (New Hampshire, I’m thinking of doing a special remote) and moving up in South Carolina (I’m sorry, nothing can persuade me to spend a minute more in South Carolina than I need to visit Pedro).

Aziz Ansari’s web exclusive extended interview and the real news below.

Aziz Ansari–