The Daily Late Nightly Show (Full House Sucks)

Look, nobody except BobbyK got how freaking ironic last night’s title was because he’s also a trained instumentalist if you can call steel strings stretched over a drum an instrument (which I don’t). I need a better audience, you’re all fired.

The New Guy

You know, I’ll give Trevor this- at least he understands how inherently stupid it is that pounds are abbreviated as “lbs”.

Mabel Pines!

I have missed you so much since Weirdmageddon.

Neal Brennan Exclusive and Extended

I don’t have the cheekbones or the chin, but I do have that angry stare.

Trevor’s guests-

• Wednesday 3/2: Chrissy Teigen
• Thursday 3/3: Bill de Blasio

Mr. Continuity

Mind Games

Larry’s panelists-

• Wednesday 3/2: Jon Connor, Keke Palmer
• Thursday 3/3: Michael Kenneth Williams

Mr. Mainstream

Tradition

Stephen’s guests this week are-

• Wednesday 3/2: Octavia Spencer, John Stamos, Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, b>Lucius
• Thursday 3/3: Christopher Meloni, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Edward Byers, Ray Lamontagne

Friday is repeat day. Again. Friday is repeat day. Again.

Full House is every television trope and sitcom cliche you hated from the moment you saw it the first time and got stuck in your brain like a Ceti Eel, listen to the damn lyrics-

What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV.

What about that is subtle? Do you get it yet?

I want you to know, that I am happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theater?
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby?
I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother

‘Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive

And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

‘Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn’t able to make it enough for you
To be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You’d hold me until you died
‘Til you died, but you’re still alive

And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

‘Cause the joke that you laid in the bed
That was me and I’m not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes, and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails
Down someone else’s back I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?

And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Over Macho Grande? No. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande. Those wounds run… pretty deep.

C’mon Athena, that’s funny.