Puppy Bowl XIII

If you’ve been watching the Sunday morning gasbag Versailles Village shows (and I really can’t imagine why you would, my Packer loving therapist has forbidden me saying that Traumatic Brain Injury is preferable) you may perhaps be interested in a little drooling cuteness not dependent on blunt force lobotomy to lighten your day.

Well, then Puppy Bowl is for you.

Played in an endless loop on Animal Planet from now until you need emergency insulin this year’s entry features 78 puppies from 34 shelters almost all of whom are already adopted including the ones prompting game stopping poop scooping.

I’m told there are ways for the gambling addicted to bet on it, but I’ve long since stopped even trying to keep up with the endless substitutions. I only watch for the Bissell Kitty Halftime Show anymore.

Not that I’m not a dog person, I simply find animals that sniff butts, eat barf, and drink out of toilets a trifle unsophisticated in their unconditional love. I mean if you can be around all day to amuse your dog so you don’t feel a sense of guilt ridden panic when you come home and they slobber all over you with their totally transparent emotional neediness (“It’s been sooo long! I’m sooo happy to see you! I’ve been sooo bored I had to tear up the couch for entertainment which only took like 5 minutes so I had to eat all the garbage in the garbage can too! I thought you were never coming back! Did I mention I’m sooo happy to see you! By the way, I need to pee!”) then maybe it’s a good match.

At least cats treat you with the haughty disdain you deserve, not that they’re any less dependent but they pretend not to be better.

So I find them easier to ignore except when they climb over your face in the morning so you can feed them or plop themselves on your keyboard in front of your monitor for the same reason at night. Cats also never fall for the hidden ball trick though they are stone cold suckers for laser pointers and flashlights.

I suppose what we generally consider domestic pets are a little less troublesome than an actual human baby which is harder to condition and comes in inconvenient portion sizes unless you’re having a party (for a dozen or so a rebellious teenager will usually do). When serving only one or two I recommend Rabbits for pets or meat or a medium size Iguana which you can barbecue.

Cats and dogs are stringy and tough unless you cook them Chinese style. I advise Szechuan but I like spicy.