DJing was never particularly lucrative for me. Most of the gigs were calculated to advance my buddy’s political career (I never wanted to be capo di tutti, I wanted to be consigliere), if they paid cash it went out the door faster than it came in on equipment and new music, and the rest were straight charity which he wrote off on his taxes.

But it was never the kind of thing I did for money. I did it for fun.

After a couple of attempts he finally picked up a girlfriend and I worked for her at a convenience store for a while.

“ek, I’m shorthanded and I need someone reliable who I can trust to handle money.”

Sure, why not?

I could write a book about it but here’s one quick story. I worked afternoons and evenings and the guy who did the shift before me was nice enough in that- thanks, you didn’t leave me with a pile of crap you were too lazy to do, kind of way. He was about my height and about my build and his hair color was similar to mine. The relevance of this will become apparent momentarily.

As it turns out he was in the witness protection program having been a gang member in his youth and testifying against them in court. They were still quite active (I’m telling you, Stars Hollow is grittier than it seems) and for a while I was (I think justifiably) apprehensive that some time there would be a case of mistaken identity.

Well, not quite mistaken. They really did want Doc Brown. See that Photo Shack? Yeah, it was like that.

Anyway she was a yuuuge Metal Head and we started sneaking more and more of that into the catalog.

Panama – Van Halen

This video matches better with the story, but it has audio drop outs.

Animal – Def Leppard

Yeah, that’s the band with the one armed drummer.

One thing we did to enhance our reputation as technical geniuses is we’d produce “End of the Year” Videos for the Club. We used this song for a very good and extremely popular capo di tutti. It wasn’t his theme but it was adopted by the members and universally associated with him.

Thunderstruck – AC/DC

This was actually the girlfriend’s favorite and she’d rip off my buddy’s headphones and drag him out on the floor to dance with her.

When my buddy lost his election for capo di tutti he was sort of emotionally crushed. He had no interest in putting together another campaign. Because I was a revolutionary and the revolution was not yet accomplished I reluctantly stepped up. Took me 6 years (to be fair we had problems in the Local I had to solve and that took 3 of them). Still I persisted. I keep hanging around until you forget why you hate me.

During this time I was less and less able to do the DJ thing and my buddy’s girlfriend took over my position as Librarian and Programmer while I circulated and sucked up. My term was revolutionary, I negotiated 2 big transitions in our method of operation, broke the back of the machine (and established my own which lasted for about another 6 years), put down a palace coup, and (I’m actually proud of this) established new traditions of accountability for State Officers that focused on listening to the needs of the Locals instead of showing off their vanity and sense of self-importance.

So it was good my buddy had someone to take my place. Single handed DJing is possible, but it’s a lot of hard work.