Ok. 9ers. They have a female Offensive Co-ordinator (what we used to call a Coach or an Assistant Coach).
Plus, they are likely to win.
So the Chiefs have Mahones. He’s arguably the best there is at the moment and while he’s going up against one of the premier Pass Rushes in the NFL it’s not particularly suited to thwart his game if he throws short and quick.
On the other hand the 9ers Kyle Shanahan (he’s a Coach, not a Quarterback) is going to destroy the Chiefs’ Defense and it’s hard to say how good Jimmy Garoppolo is because anyone can make a Mercedes look racy but only Fernando Alonso can make a brick of a Ferrari seem so.
Metaphor too Formula One for you (don’t get me wrong, Hamilton is better and nicer than most but he doesn’t exceed the iron the way Alonso does)? Football is a sport you play with your feet, Brazilians call it “O Jogo Bonito”. This is why I expect “Throwball” to go viral any day now and instead of the CFL and NFL we’ll be talking about the CTL and NTL (the NBA wouldn’t change because “Bouncy” has the same initial letter as “Basket”. Where are the Baskets Varus?).
Truth told though, were I a Coach I’d spend any amount of money on a Kicker who could nail it from our 25. More points are scored by Kickers than Quarterbacks.
There are certainly a lot of reasons to hate on the NFL as an institution from CTE to Domestic Violence to Steroid Abuse and Firearms Felonies (not unlinked to the Domestic Violence) to Kaepernick (who Started the Superb Owl in 2012 for the 9ers, just saying), and the new Pass Interference Rules but perhaps the saddest thing about it is this-
It’s highly unlikely we’ll see another Superb Owl in Miami ever again because it will be underwater from Global Warming.
Miami can have one last Super Bowl, as a treat
By Zoya Teirstein, Grist
Jan 31, 2020
The San Francisco 49ers and the Kansas City Chiefs will face each other in the Super Bowl on Sunday in Miami. The game will only last a few hours, but Florida is just beginning a decades-long war with a foe that can’t be beat: sea-level rise. If emissions continue to rise unchecked, Miami’s football stadium could be flooded with standing water and America’s holiest championship game will have to be played somewhere else.
For a sneak peek at what Miami Garden’s Hard Rock Stadium, the venue for Super Bowl LIV, could look like in a few decades, look no further than Florida’s coastline. Nearly 600,000 people in South Florida face “extreme” or “high” risk from sea-level rise, according to the Trump administration’s 4th National Climate Assessment. Already, the sea level around Florida is 8 inches higher than it was 70 years ago. Over the past decade, the rate of acceleration has sped up. Florida seas are now rising an inch every three years. Floods are inundating low-lying cities like Miami even on sunny days.
A new report from Climate Central — an organization that analyzes how climate change affects the public — shows that Hard Rock Stadium, between 4 and 6 feet above sea level, is likely to experience some of this flooding in the coming century. It’s not just the football field that’s at risk of getting swamped by climate change. Local roads, the stadium’s $135 million training facility, the tennis center, and parking lots will face higher odds of being submerged.
Developers recently completed a three-year-long, $500 million renovation of the stadium. But the stadium’s state-of-the-art canopy and high-definition screens won’t save it when the floods come. The Hard Rock Stadium property has at the very least, a 1 percent chance of being submerged by rising seas every year by 2070 if the world continues emitting greenhouse gases business-as-usual. By 2090, the risk of the stadium experiencing serious flooding each year rises to 10 percent.
Remember, this is likely an underestimate. A 2019 U.N. report found that the kind of floods this report is talking about will occur in Miami every year as soon as 2050. Plus, the Climate Central analysis didn’t account for rain-induced flooding, seepage, backed-up storm drains, or other reasons why water might make its way into low-lying areas.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Wait, that’s the one I always think of. You might have been expecting this-
I’m afraid it’s not much more cheerful if you listen to the lyrics though the tune is catchy. Yes I have Genuine People Personality (® Sirius Cybernectics Corporation, “Share and Enjoy”), I was a prototype.
Why do you ask?
197 comments
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Crap. Did they invite O.J. to the Game? I thought he was in jail.
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Ok, Miner. Inoffensive Mascot.
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Like, a Coyote I guess?
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Well, fuck God Bless America. Think I’ll take a leak.
National Anthem – Debbie Lovato can at least sing
Navy and Marne Corp fly over with the sun setting
Coin toss SF will kick off to the Chiefs
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Ok, they spared us I guess. But not the Hannity interview. Make that 31 minutes of Ad time, 30 of In Kind in violation of FEC Rules on contribution limits.
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Chiefs from their 26
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3 and Out.
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Booted. 9ers from their 16
A three and out to start the game.
Chiefs – 50 yd punt, SF ball on own 18
2nd and 11
SF 1st down
SF 1st down after 39 yd run on own 40
49ers ball on Kansas City 40
1st and 10
49ers ball on Kansas City 33
2nd and 3
49ers ball on Kansas City 23
2nd and 8
49ers ball on Kansas City 25
3rd and 10
Chiefs 5 yd penalty still 3rd and 5
4th down on an incomplete
49ers FG from 38 is GOOD
SF 3 – Chiefs 0
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9ers 3 – 0
49esr kick off to Chiefs. Chiefs 1 & 10 on own 25
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Unindicted Co-conspirator Bottomless Pinocchio is touting reuniting families?
What the Fuck?!
Chiefs 2nd & 1
Chiefs 1st and 10
Chiefs 2nd & 2
Extra man on field Chiefs 3rd down and 2
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Why not take the penalty!?
Chiefs 1st and 10 inside 449ers 30
Chiefs 2nd and 6
Chiefs 1st and 10 inside 49ers 15
Chiefs 2nd and 11
Chiefs 3rd and 11 onan incomplete pass
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Actually, while I don’t like Walmart I like this commercial.
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WHY DID YOU KILL OFF NATASHA!
I hate you forever.
Chiefs – 4th down and 1
Chiefs just short of a TD. 1st & Goal
Chiefs 2nd & Goal
Chiefs – TOUCHDOWN
Chiefs 7 – SF 3
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Why didn’t you take the penalty!
Morons.
Chiefs 7 – 3.
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Snicker Coke throwback
31 seconds left int he 1st quarter
Chiefs kick to 49ers. Touchbcack
49ers 1st & 10 on own 25
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Ok. 7 – 3 Chiefs at the Quarter. Check your Pool.
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New York Life was wierd and what was that after it?
49ers 1st and 10 on own 43 after 18 yd pass
49ers 2nd and 12 on own 41
Pass intercepted by Chiefs. 1st turnover of the game at the start of the 2nd quarter
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Bahsten.
Uh oh New Cheetos Popcorn
Chiefs ball on own 45
1st and 10
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INT. Chiefs from their 44.
Chiefs 1st & 10 inside 49ers 30 afer 28 yd pass
Chiefs 5 yd penalty 1st & 15
49ers 5 yd penalty. Chiefs 1st & 10
Chiefs 2nd & 9
Chiefs 3rd down for a gain of 5 49ers 23
Chiefs 4th and 1 will run wth the ball
Chiefs 1st & 10 on 16
Chiefs 2nd down after incomplete
Chiefs 3rd down after incomplete
Chiefs 4th & 7
FG is Good
Chiefs 10 – 49ers 3
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Chiefs 10 – 7
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Budwiser Greenwashing
Didn’t realize Wilford Brimley also coached football.
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Avocados from Mexico
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9ers from their 20
49ers ball on own 20
1st and 10
49ers ball on own 30
1st and 10
Last Play: Raheem Mostert rush to the left for 9 yards to the SF30.
49ersn 1st and 10 on Chiefs 25
1st and 10 on Chiefs 15
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Tie Game 5:05 in the Half
49ers TOUCHDOWN
Chiefs 10 – 49ers 10
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Rick and Morty Pringles
Chiefs ball on own 20 after kick off
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Chiefs from thier 19
Chiefs 1st & 10 on own 29
Chiefs 2nd and 1
Chiefs 1st and 10 on 49ers 48
Chiefs 2nd and 8
Mr. Peanuts funeral
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Big bucks on Coke Energy
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Baby Peanut
He was just kidding. Mr. Peanut is back
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Bond. James Bond.
2 minutes left in the half
Chiefs 3rd and 14
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Oh. 2 Minutes in the Half.
Chiefs 4th down. Punts to 49ers end zone with 59 seconds left in the half
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9ers with 3 time outs at their 25.
After punt 49ers ball on own 20
1st and 10
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59 Seconds
49ers ball on own 13 2nd & 7
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5G is Hype now and Garbage when it gets here
49ers: 3rd and 2 on own 18
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The Hummer ad
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Another Minions? Who asked for that?
49ers 1st down on own 45
Pass interference 10 yd penalty
49ers 1st and 20
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Halftime
First time ever tie game a the half
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Hint? Ick!
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Dashlane?
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Cure Insurance?
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This has been pretty horrible from beginning to end.
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Do I have to talk about the continuous and mind blowing misogyny and sexism?
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Presidente!
Subversive in its own way. Probably lots of ways that went right over my head because I’m old and out of touch. Dancing was pretty interesting.
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Bloomberg!
Prime placement, people just tuning back into a close game.
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From the 9ers 16
Second Half kick off by Chiefs to the 49ers1down on own 15
49ers, 1st down on pass to own 36
49ers another 1st down after 14 yd pass
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Ah, Pepsi!
49ers ball on 50
1st and 10
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Heinz. Aliens love it.
49ers st down on Chiefs 33
49ers 3rd down on Chiefs 27
49ers 4th and 2
42 yd FG is Good
49ers 13 – Chiefs 10
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13 – 10 9ers.
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Bud Seltzer. Why not a Vodka and Seltzer Spritzer?
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Cool Ranch Dance
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Chiefs at thier 9. Holding.
Chiefs for a nine yd competion 1st down on own 41
Chiefs: 3rd down for a loss of 7 on own 39
49ers Intercept
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Turkish Airlines? Bad on so many levels.
49ers: 1st down on own 45
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INT. 9ers from their 45.
49ers 1st down on Chiefs 39
49ers 3rd down on Chiefs 37
49ers 1st down near Chiefs 10
49ers 1s and Goal
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9ers 20 – 10.
49ers TOUCHDOWN
49ers 20 – Chiefs 10
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Alexa!
Ok, that was good.
After 49ers kick to Chiefs. Touchback 1st down on own 25
Chiefs 3rd down on own 30
Chiefs 1st & 10 on own 35
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End of the 3rd. Check your Pool for Double 0s.
End of 3rd quarter
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That’s the second Scientology ad!
Chiefs 1st and 1 on own 45th
Chiefs 1st and 10 on 49ers 40
Chiefs 1st and 10 on 49ers 27
Chiefs QB sacked 2nd and 19
Chiefs – pass intercepted by 49ers on a fumbled pass
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Disney+
49ers from their 20
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INT. 9ers from their 20
49ers 1st down on own 38
49ers 4th down & 11. 1st 49er punt to Chiefs 17
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Punt. Chiefs from their 17.
Chiefs – 1st down on own 27
Chiefs – 1st down on own 40
Flag 5 yd penalty Chiefs – 1st 15 on own 35
Chiefs 1st down on 49ers 49
Challenge on the last play
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Old Spice Chili
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Oh, Proctor and Gamble Mashup.
Call overturned. Incomplete pass
Chiefs 3rd and 15
Chiefs 44 yd pass 1st & 10 on 49ers 22
Chiefs: Incomplete with a flag
Automatic 1st down ball on 1 yd line
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9ers 20 -17
Chiefs TOUCHDOWN
49ers 20 – Chiefs 17
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The Surface Ad with the 9ers Offensive Co-ordinator
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Groundhog Day!
After Chief kick off to 49ers it their ball on own 20
49ers 4th down; thier 1st 3 and out. Punt to Chiefs 35 1st down
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Punt. Chiefs from their 35
Chiefs 1st down on pass to own 47
Chiefs 1st and 10 on pass to 49ers 10
Chief TOUCHDOWN
Chiefs 24 – 49ers 20
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24 – 20 Chiefs 2:44 to Play
So Now you only hav to wave the ball over the end zone for a touchdown. BS
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9ers from their 15
49ers start at their own 15
49ers 1 down on own42
Flag still 1st &15
2 minute warning
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1:56 to Play.
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Facebook. I have enough Crack Habits.
49ers gain16 for 1st down at Chiefs 49
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Arya in an Audi
49ers 4th down goes for it and Chiefs take over on downs
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Game over. All about the ads.
Chiefs 1st down on 49ers 38
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Chiefs 31 – 20
Chiefs TOUCHDOWN
Chiefs 31 – 49ers 20
after kick off 49ers ball own 25
49ers pass Intercepted by Chiefs with less than a minute to play
Chiefs 31 – 49ers 20 Final
Halftime show was definitely no family friendly
It’s really all about the commercials
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Switch $300?! Get a Battery you Idiots. Impossible Burger for 3 Bucks? I paid 6.
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Unindicted Co-conspirator Bottomless Pinocchio again.
I can’t stand it anymore. I’m going back to stream The Magicians