America joins mile-high club, gets screwed on Citibank jet.

When AIG had their famous junket on us (taxpayers), I wrote a diary covering an aspect of it I hadn’t seen elsewhere: the luxurious details of the beautiful St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, California. Ain’t no Party Like an AIG Party.

The diary was a guide to the restaurants, the golf, the spa, etc. Highlighted were the bar where you paid for them to celebrate their latest streak of good luck and the Presidential Suite Master Bath where you paid for them to do wash (or do whatever with… or pay hookers to do whatever with) their pasty executive… parts. Details. Exactly what you got for your tax dollars.

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Wanna join the mile-high club, baby? Check out the brand spankin’ new $50,000,000 corporate jet you just bought for Citibank:

The Dessault Falcon 7x Business Jet

The New York Post’s Jennifer Keil and Chuck Bennett reported in Monday’s paper that Citigroup, which has received $45 billion in government bailout funds, is about to upgrade to a new $50 million, twelve-seat corporate jet.

Park your fat, greedy ass right here Mr. Citibank executive, Sir. It’s on me!

Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything else?

Even with all that space, the airplane’s most welcome feature may be Dassault’s breakthrough environmental system. Unseen yet critical elements of comfort have been taken into account in the Falcon 7X.

These include “quieting acoustics,” advanced temperature monitoring that allows for thermal controls to hold a precise temperature throughout the cabin and an in-flight “cabin altitude” of just 6,000 feet, 2,000 feet lower than today’s standard. Comfort, it turns out, is the weaving together of many elements, not the least of which is the custom-crafted interior furnishings you select and Dassault Falcon so meticulously installs.

I thank my lucky stars that I was able to afford quieting acoustics and advanced temperature monitoring to make your travels that much more comfortable. If I could buy a climate-controlled cloud for you and hire angels on unicorns to pull it I would be willing to work even harder and pay more taxes. That’s how much your comfort means to me, really. For now though, I guess the luxury jet will have to do.

There are some marketing videos available on the Dessault site. I wasn’t able to embed them. What I gather from the message is that the Falcon 7X purchasing experience makes a corporate lord of big swingin’ dicks feel like a corporate lord of big swingin’ dicks. And then some.

Your wish is our design.

Your personal taste.

Your executive style.

Your corporate prestige.

Are reflected in

your new Falcon.

These are some screen shots from the video, which is worth a trip to go see. The video continues after this opening sequence to show just how Dessault customers are pampered as they choose custom layouts and materials for the corporate jet of their dreams.

You should be proud. Your tax dollars ensured Citibank executives would have nothing but the best. The Dessault team was well paid to make sure they got precisely the jet they’ve always dreamed of, with every amenity they could imagine.

Cough-gag… corporate what? Didn’t you guys just have to… oh never mind.

I just picture this moment when whatever Citibank guy stood there in his new Falcon 7X and did this. Standing in his new jet, triumphant.

Wow. It’s as nice as they said it would be. They did a great job. I did a great job too. That’s why I deserve this. They don’t let just anybody have a jet like this. I earned this jet.

And this is going to get me SO laid. And I deserve that to.

A random Google search for pics of the Falcon 7X that I bought Citibank turned this up:

It’s a 1/7 scale radio-controlled model of the Falcon 7X. Cool frikkin’ toy! Wow! I just can’t help but wonder if I bought one of these for some Citibank executive’s kid for Christmas. I sure hope so. I think we should take up a collection, just in case. Donate to the Bitchen Toys for Rich Kids Foundation (BTRKF) here.

And then there’s the Porsche, but I mean, I know they get car allowances too so the Porsche is kind of a gimme… Okay. I don’t know anything about any Citibank connection to toy planes and Porsches, now I’m making stuff up. And the whole thing is giving me a stomach ache anyway so I better just stop.