Open Sky

and at about this point everyone could use a chuckle. A friend sent me this. These are the reasons I DO NOT take Dr.TMC with me shopping because he has already done a couple of these things.

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN’T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Target.  Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred

to get in and get out.  Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women –

she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter

from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our

store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of

you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are

listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s

carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

‘Code 3 in Housewares.  Get on it right away’.  This caused the employee to

leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that

in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and

costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children

shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from

the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and

screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’  EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked

the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the

‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by

using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed

a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then

yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’  One of the

clerks passed out.