Seventy-seven members of the U.S. Senate broke into the neighbor’s house while the neighbors were on vacation in Disneyland. They didn’t intend to thrash the place. They just wanted a warm, comfortable place to party on.
According to Orrin Hatch, “We were just looking for a place to get baked.”
Said John Kerry, “We didn’t mean to drink all the booze, but I’ve never been so trashed in my life. We were drinking triples ’til we were seeing double and feeling single.”
Seeking to moderate the tone of his colleagues, Chris Dodd added that, “Greenspan turned us on to some righteous Tokyo Bokyo and started giving rising supers in the kitchen after everyone hyperventilated. Then Bernanke would come up behind us when our lungs were still full of smoke and squeeze us real tight until we passed out on the floor. What a fucking rush. I woke up doing the Australian crawl on the linoleum. Totally. Spaced. Out!”
The extent of the damages has yet to be determined, as fires continue to spread, engulfing the entire subdivision. The Justice Department has not indicated what, if any charges will be pursued.
In related news, President Barack Obama spent the entire previous evening huffing glue made from unicorn hooves.
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