I’m a Grandpa! So Indulge Me.

OK. I know this is a political site, not Facebook or MySpace, and that, given the state of the world, there are certainly more important things for me to be using my share of pixels than talking about my family. But tonight I can’t help myself. My first grandchild has arrived. If you haven’t already guessed, that’s her to the left.

She was born by c-section on December 17 in Manchester, England, and weighed in at 7 pounds, 1 ounce. Her name is Mariam Ahmed al-Musaud al-Hashim. Mariam is the name of her mother’s mother, and also of her father’s other wife. (Yes, my stepson’s father-in-law is a polygamist.)

There is, in our house, a special kind of joy from this birth. As many of my on-line acquaintances know, my wife taught English to nuclear engineering students in Libya for three years after marrying a Libyan. In 1983, she divorced and her ex-husband kidnapped her two children, smuggling them out of the United States on false Afghan passports that were easily available at a time when the United States was aiding the mujahidin war against the Soviets. The children were 3 and 2 at the time. He took them  to Libya and refused to allow my wife to see or even talk with them.

Politics, including the U.S. bombing of Libya, the bombing of Pan Am 103, an economic embargo, conspired to make it impossible for us to track down her children by traveling to Tripoli. In a Catch-22, the only way she could obtain a visa from Libya was to get her ex-husband’s permission. Which, obviously, he would not grant. The U.S. State Department was more of a barrier than a benefit. Finally, 10 years ago, a trip to Tunisia to visit my wife’s former sister-in-law helped break the ice. For one thing, we learned that the extended Libyan family of my wife’s kids – and the kids themselves – had been told their mother was … dead.

In 1998, after years of grasping at every straw in an attempt to reunite with her children, my wife joined a group of British mothers in similar circumstances and traveled to Libya. After three tense days, with her ex-husband doing everything he could to keep the children away from her, my wife’s former sisters-in-law forced the issue. In a reunion that someone thoughtfully videotaped, the children were brought to her. Fifteen years had passed since they had seen each other. What followed was what my wife later called the best two weeks of her life.

In 1999, she returned for another visit. And in 2000, the four of us met in Malta, which has been a crossroads of east and west since the time of the Phoenicians and is a short haul from Tripoli. In 2001, my wife’s children came to the United States to visit. After six weeks, they returned – on September 6 – to Tripoli. Shortly afterward, as the United States geared up for war and many Americans began looking at Arabs and Arab-Americans through narrowed eyes, my wife’s son called to say he wished to come to the United States and live with us while he attended college. This he did. In 2005, when he married a British-born Libyan and moved into his own apartment, his sister arrived from Libya to take his place in our house, where she still lives. Last year, he and his wife moved to Manchester, where her family lives.

Needless to say, all this would have made for interesting times under any circumstances. But with two wars going on, with young Muslims (and their families) getting extra attention at airports, with rendition and torture being justified, with the Constitution being selectively dismantled, with neoconservatives talking about the “long war,” and the “clash of civilizations,” with ethnic hatred resurfacing in public discourse, and with Libya going from pariah to America’s new best friend, we cannot but feel we have had a front row seat at a cultural and political crossroads in world affairs. Often, it hasn’t been easy. Some people we thought were friends turned out not to be. Others unexpectedly went out of their way to make my stepchildren welcome. There are other stories with political implications, too, and perhaps I’ll tell some of them another time.

For now we’re basking in the joy and energy that comes from being new grandparents. Indulge me if I wax pollyannish  knowing that Mariam will get to learn Libyan-Arabic, Italian, Spanish, and two brands of English. And that, like other children of mixed heritage, she’ll have a rich upbringing and a chance to leave behind much of the racial and ethnic and political crap that has afflicted people of her American grandparents’ generation.

61 comments

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  1. And if making the world a better place for your grand kid to grow up in ain’t politics I don’t know what is.

  2. Congratulations!

  3. That’s quite a story.  I’m so happy for you and your wife and family.  Hope you get to see her soon MB.      

  4. Now, start chasing the neighborhood kids off your lawn, gramps!

    • Alma on December 20, 2007 at 07:09

    How beautiful.  Congrats!

    They are so sweet and innocent when they are born.  Make sure you spoil her, Grandpa.

  5. It’s important to share our personal stories, at least the one’s were comfortable sharing. I would imagine that many people have similar experiences to what you’ve described.

    I’ve had “problems” with borders, but not in a negative sense, at least towards me. But my experiences have been frustrating nonetheless. I compare my experiences to those of my husband, my friends and my colleagues who weren’t born in the US and/or aren’t Caucasian. Actually, scratch that last part, because my Iranian friends and students are continually harassed at borders. What I really should say is “not born white.”

    A few years prior to that fateful day in 2001, I was entering the US in Buffalo from Canada. I’d travelled to and from Canada many times by car, having grown up in western NY – I’d never needed proof of citizenship.

    This time was different, as I had flown from SFO to Toronto, then had taken a shuttle to Buffalo, where my mom was to pick me up. Also on the shuttle were a student from Switzerland and a 40ish physician from Buffalo, who had to return unexpectedly from vacation in the Bahamas because of the death of his father.

    When we arrived at customs, we had to exit the shuttle and go inside, ostensibly because of the kid from Switzerland. The guards brought a dog over to sniff our luggage. I pet the dog, not knowing that this was verboten. No problem – I was a young, blonde female. The guards didn’t even bring the dog over to sniff my luggage.

    We then went to speak with the customs officers. Both the student and physician were harassed by the officials. Recall that the physician’s father had recently died. In contrast, I arrived at the counter, with no proof of citizenship, but with a western NY accent. No problem – I was a young, blonde female.

    I suppose I don’t need to point out that the physician was black.

    Compare his experience to mine when my mom died unexpectedly, many years later. My husband and I, who live in Vancouver, drove to Seattle, since this was our best choice for flights (prohibitively expensive from Vancouver, despite the so-called bereavement fare). Bear in mind that this was post-9/11.

    We arrived at the border by car. The officer asked us why we were entering the US. My husband, who was driving, said that we were catching a flight to NY to make preparation for the funeral of his mother-in-law. Not a single question – our passports were returned to us and we were on our way.

    I was extraordinarily grateful, because I could barely speak. But I couldn’t help but compare to that physician at the Buffalo border crossing.

    Whoa, this could be an essay in and of itself.

    • pico on December 20, 2007 at 08:31

    These personal histories are worth 10 diaries on abstract politics.  Thank you for sharing with us.

    • Valtin on December 20, 2007 at 08:32

    Congratulations on your new grandchild. What a joy!

  6. Couldn’t be happier for you and your wife.  Not only has she

    gotten her children back in her life but now you both have a beautiful granddaughter!

    From personal experience I know what those years without her

    children must have done to her. So thank you, MB for standing

    beside her and for sharing this with us.  

  7. Congratulations.  Growing up with the influence of so many languages is Cool!

    Much happiness to you and yours.  I’m glad your family finally got together.  

  8. to your family and gorgeous grandbaby.

    • Turkana on December 20, 2007 at 11:09

    given the complexities of the path that led to her being, she is truly a miracle baby! and she’s a very lucky girl to have a grandfather like you!

    • RiaD on December 20, 2007 at 11:57

    What a darling little girl you have there!

    and…

    Welcome to the lovely world of grandparenting.

    Thanks for sharing your story…. THIS is why we keep struggling, keep trying… despite all that is arrayed against us…

    -So that sweet little girls like your Mariam can grow up speaking seven or so languages…

    -and be able to say ‘I love you Grampa’ in all of them!

    {{{*{Mariam}*}}}

    (^.^)so sweet, i just had to give her kisshugs!

  9. she is beautiful

    • snud on December 20, 2007 at 14:07
    • MO Blue on December 20, 2007 at 14:32

    What a beautiful gift. There is always a special place in our hearts for our grandchildren.

    My son-in-law is Iranian (now an American citizen) so my grandsons have experienced the best of both cultures. Luckily, they live and attend school in an area which has a nice mix of ethnic and cultural diversity which is celebrated not condemned.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    • Edger on December 20, 2007 at 14:46

    Have a cigar…

  10. and the entire Blades family for the newest little Meteor Penknife who will grow into all that hair and sweet face so strong and beautiful, she’ll be racing her gramps across the sky in no time. I hope you and Mrs. Blades will have the chance to hug and kiss her very soon.  

  11. Photobucket

    And…sorry you have had to lead such a boring lifetime!

  12. May you be blessed with many more happy, healthy grandchildren.

  13. of our future. Congratulations to you and your family MB!

    • feline on December 20, 2007 at 18:17

    Meteor Blades, you have contributed so much to conversations in the progressive community, you deserve some personal indulgence!

    It makes me happy to know that there is a new person in the world who will be growing in such an open and enriching environment.  I look forward to reading Mariam’s posts here one day!

  14. great to see you over here. I used to read all you wrote at the “big” site. Thank you soooo much for sharing your life, trials and tribulations with us. I was just saying to a friends yesterday that we so seldom speak of emotional and personal things on political blogs. you said

    there are certainly more important things for me to be using my share of pixels than talking about my family.

    How wrong you are. At a time like this in your life, there is NOTHING more important to be using your share of pixels on. In fact, you can have my share for this week-:)

    I belive knowing each others stories and lives makes our other writings that much more understandable, interesting, passionate and humanized. It takes much more courage to speak of our selves than to talk about political issues.

    Thanks again for sharing a part of yourself with me. Tom. TominMaine and TKK on the “big” site.  

    • pfiore8 on December 20, 2007 at 19:16

    if only for a moment

    enjoy your moments, Meteor Blades… as we, too, savor the the energy of hopefulness that every baby brings with them into this world

    blessings MB… pf8

  15. I think it’s safe to say we’re all rooting for a peaceful and prosperous life for all of you.  Congratulations.

  16. And an amazing story, especially for those of us who’ve never had to endure the injustices millions of others live with every day.

    Congratulations, MB, to you and your whole family. And welcome, Mariam! May you grow up in a world of peace and compassion for all.    

  17. Wow, what she has been through. To lose contact with your children at 2 and 3, I can’t imagine. No wonder she sounds incredible when you speak of her, she’s been through hell. I hope she has the opportunity to spend lots of time loving on the new little one, who has the most kissable cheeks, by the way. I’ve often heard grandchildren are a parent’s reward (revenge, too, but that’s silly). Meteor Blades, may you and your wife be blessed with many rewards.  

  18. And it’s nice to know that your family is now together and going ahead with life.

    I’d be honored if you crossposted this on ET (along with amazing stories ofyou and your wife’s  grandparents!)  

  19. Grandkids are great.  Hope that you have many happy times with beautiful little Mariam.  How wonderful that you and your wife were successful in finding her children, and that because of your persistence, now Mariam will be part of your lives.  

     

  20. the best and most rewarding role in life from an old grandma. Your story was enlightening and does my heart good. I pray that more and more of the threads we weave into the future on a human level will keep the humanity we all share alive now and into the future globally. Your life speaks to me as much as your writing does.  

  21. What a wonderful way to start a new year for your family and new grandaughter. May her birth be a good omen for the world she just entered.

  22. A reminder of why it is so important and so rewarding to stay with the program every single day as well as a personal reminder to myself to risk voicing my respectfully outlined personal desires and beliefs instead of lowering my eyes and moving along.

    • documel on December 22, 2007 at 01:47

    My son believes we won’t end racism until all children are of mixed heritage.  So Mariam is the start of something very good, not only for her immediate family, but for all of mankind.

  23. Congratulations.  I beat you by five months.  It’s all good. She is beautiful.  Much love, noweasels

  24. what a beautiful little grandbaby. You have every right and reason to wax pollyannish.  

    • sharon on December 22, 2007 at 06:06

    or better said by stevie wonder.  congratulations, mb, i’m very, very happy for you and your family.

    (disclaimer: i’ve never successfully managed to post a video.  i hope this is the first successful attempt.  what better moment?!)

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