TDS/TCR (Nuke ‘Em From Orbit)

Super Genius

I’m saving Colbert for the 8th when we can do the Time Warp again, so here’s the plan.  We hold the government ransom for…

659 MILLION DOLLARS!

Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay?  I’ve been frozen for thirty years.  Throw me a frickin’ bone here!  I’m the boss!  Need the info.

For this week’s guests and the real news join me below.

This week’s guests-

The Daily Show

• Tuesday 8/5: Helen Thorpe
• Wednesday 8/6: Wu-Tang Clan
• Thursday 8/7: Tracy Droz Tragos

The Colbert Report

• Tuesday 8/5: James Cameron
• Wednesday 8/6: Michael Fassbender
• Thursday 8/7: Brian Chesky

Helen Thorpe will be on to talk about her new book Soldier Girls.

In Soldier Girls, Helen Thorpe follows the lives of three women over twelve years on their paths to the military, overseas to combat, and back home…and then overseas again for two of them. These women, who are quite different in every way, become friends, and we watch their interaction and also what happens when they are separated. We see their families, their lovers, their spouses, their children. We see them work extremely hard, deal with the attentions of men on base and in war zones, and struggle to stay connected to their families back home. We see some of them drink too much, have illicit affairs, and react to the deaths of fellow soldiers. And we see what happens to one of them when the truck she is driving hits an explosive in the road, blowing it up. She survives, but her life may never be the same again.

Not that it matters, she’s also the wife of John Hickenlooper, Democratic Governor of Colorado, so all we’ll talk about is marijuana and how Maureen Dowd can’t hold hers.

Wimp.

James Cameron has only ever had 2 films that I liked and they were both great and both for the same reason.  Aliens–

Ripley: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Hudson: Fuckin’ A!

Burke: Hold on a second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it.

Ripley: They can *bill* me.

Burke: Okay, I know this is an emotional moment for all of us. I know that. But let’s not make snap judgments, please. This is clearly an important species we’re dealing with and I don’t think that you or I, or *anybody*, has the right to arbitrarily exterminate them.

Ripley: Wrong.

Vasquez: Yeah, watch us.

Hudson: Maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!

Burke: Look. I’m not blind to what is going on, but I cannot authorize that kind of action. I’m sorry.

Ripley: Well, *I* believe that Corporal *Hicks* has authority here.

Burke: *Corporal* Hicks has…?

Ripley: This operation is under military jurisdiction and Hicks is next in the chain of command. Am I right, Corporal?

Hicks: Yeah… yeah, that’s right.

Burke: Yeah… look, Ripley, this is a multi-million dollar installation. He can’t make that kind of decision. He’s just a grunt!

Uh, no offense.

Hicks: None taken.

Ok. Here’s the plan- we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.

It’s the only way to be sure.

Sound thinking!

Terminator 2: Judgment Day.  Just 2 words, not even spoken- “No Fate”.  This is what you can do with an action heroine.  Compared to these the rest of his career is a self indulgent piece of crap, especially True Lies and Titanic which are just awful.

His only 2014 project is Deepsea Challenge 3D so he’ll probably talk about that though he has promised another horrible Terminator sequel and 3 more unwatchable installments of Avatar.

Or perhaps his next fraudulent “billionaire” adventure to which he contributes only money and foolhardy stupidity.