i don’t have ideas that fit easily into “progressive” or “liberal” or “conservative” or even “moderate”. or so i’ve been told. but i just have this crazy idea about freedom…
Sexual Harassment
I worked for a company that had mandatory courses on sexual harassment, which I always refused to attend. Why? I objected to this: if you’re sharing a joke/conversation about sex in a private, consensual conversation at work AND a third party overhears the joke/conversation and objects, that third party can cite you for sexual harassment. I object to that.
I think the workshop should be about harassment. It should deal with people in positions of power who abuse that power. Sexual innuendo and advances are only one way it’s done. It’s like sex is really what it’s about and it’s not. It’s about power over another. But the truth is the powers that be don’t do much about bullies, assholes, and incompetents. Except promote them. What they don’t do is give employees the tools they need to disarm bullies.
My most recent experience (the worst work situation I’ve every had) is with a Vice President who lies, blames people for problems he creates, but he looks great on paper. He continually disrupts the work place by threatening people’s jobs and demeaning their performance. You know what happened? I’ll tell you. His directors revolted, went to the President and she said, deal with it. Work it out. Oh. Okay. He answers to you and you want us to deal with it? When, in two years, 8 people have left because of this asshole. You know how they responded to this? With diversity training. I kid you not. (Well, on top of the burgeoning HR file on this guy, he has several complaints of sexual harassment as well, but none were concrete enough). And, on top of it, at first they let the Vice President pick the consultant. The directors managed to stop that nonsense. I just ran into one of ex colleagues at dinner the other night. He’s been there under a year and is looking for another job. He said he can not take it any more… My sister said she didn’t realize it was that bad. Oh yeah.
For me, it runs deeper than that. I
i still feel the same. if somebody comes on to me in an inappropriate way, i want to have what it takes to neutralize the offending party.
i don’t want the word “nigger” to be outlawed. or any racial/religious/ethnic/sexual slur. i would rather we all have the confidence and tools we need to neutralize assholes. i want government’s involvement in my personal life severely limited.
of course there are exceptions. and those hate crimes, whether sexual, race, ethnic et al need to be dealt with using the law.
but most don’t need a surrogate to step in. that’s my opinion. we have weakened ourselves by counting on government to protect us. or promote us. look who’s running the government, btw. theocrats and corporatists who have no intention of making the world better for any of us.
so it’s better to imbue your children with their own sense of self. the courage to stand up for themselves and the sense to know when to walk away… depending on the situation. self-reliance has been way under rated.
don’t expect anybody else to take care of you. you need to take care of yourself. if we had done a better job at self-reliance, we would not be so hooked into thinking the democrats will save us from impending climate catastrophe or economic ruin.
and maybe we’d all have more courage to stop assholes from picking on others. that’s the other thing that kills me. what is our responsibility, as neighbors/coworkers/friends/family, when we see others being picked on? how about the sexual abuse of children that nobody stops.
let me tell you, i’ve narrowly escaped being beat up because either i picked up a big stick or had a bottle in my hand, defending a woman from her boyfriend. the stick came in handy when, as a kid, my best friend in grade school, a black girl, was being harassed in the school yard.
i’ve been on the receiving end too. i’ve been called a dirty jew, been kicked in the shins under the lunch room table in junior high. had one friend say they couldn’t be friends with a jew. one of my best friends ended up going out with a guy who told her he didn’t like me. why? because i’m jewish. she told him to bug off.
but i never felt anybody owned me anything. not my country. not my employers. not the assholes who are so ignorant as to judge me only by sex or religion or race.
i am myself. i stand for myself. i don’t give away my power to anybody else to speak for me. i speak for myself.
so instead of trying to control the way everybody else does things or what they say or what they think, control yourself. use your power to turn those you can to clearer thinking. but don’t think that because the words are gone that the poison has left. it hasn’t. silencing words only makes hatred more invisible.
the best way to convert the ignorant and indoctrinated is through your own self-confidence and power. because if it’s just about shutting them up, well, then nothing will change.
don’t shut them up. engage them. de program them. we need to stop being scared to take care of ourselves. we have to stop expecting everybody to respect who and what we are. maybe the burden is on the outliers. to change people’s perceptions.
but leave it to government and well… we haven’t really progressed much have we?