Today is “Talk Like a Pirate Day”…which would explain why everyone’s staring at my booty….. 😉 Consider your timbers shivered, and enjoy pillaging the following, collected from the vast reaches of the seven seas internet…..
Pirate Terror Warning System from this link
Most people don’t know this, but when all this terrorism nonsense became all the rage, Cap’n Slappy assigned his good friend, “Ol Chumbucket” to the task of developing the Department of Pirateland Security. He examined all of the intelligence reports and came up with this color coded scheme to keep all pirates everywhere anxious and awaiting certain doom. The code is as follows:
* Code Off-White (parchment): There are terrorists everywhere. You can’t see ’em but they are everywhere and they are planning to terrorize you with their terror. But before they can terrorize you, we are going to build up your terror by telling you to buy Duct Tape and Bottled Water. Do you feel the terror? Because you SHOULD!
* Code Dingy Yellow: Yep. That be a terrorist alright. Time to start running around screaming and wetting yerself! Now that you are moist and stinky, yer best defense is to play dead. Ah! YOU BREATHED! That Means we move to…
* Code Orangish Yellowish Brown: Alright. The terrorist has seen you move and is attacking you personally. Didn’t I tell you NOT to breathe? How many rolls of Duct Tape did you buy? That’s not NEARLY enough! Oh, yer in for it now, me buck-o!
* Code Brown with Corn Clusters: Ye went and soiled yerself, didn’t ye? Well, who’s going to care? Yer already mortally wounded what with yer guts hanging out and being down to yer last drops of blood. If ye had taken it more seriously when we were at code Off-White…well…so, it all would have happened anyway, but ye would have had more Duct Tape! Then, perhaps we could have duct-taped yer guts in! But, NO! Ye had to make the jokes, didn’t ye?
* Code Black: Yer already dead! What were you thinking? Yer as dead as John Paul Jones! What’s the point of having a color coded system if yer going to be all DEAD? Can we use yer left-over Duct Tape?
link: pirate personality test
link: pirate name generator
link:Pirate Translator
Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
(Also from talklikeapirate.com.)
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.
Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates
10. What are YOU doing here?
9. Is that a belayin’ pin in yer britches, or are ye … (this one is never completed)
8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, “Cap’n Feathersword?”
6. That’s quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I’ve had a twenty percent decrease in me “lice ratio!”
4. I’ve crushed seventeen men’s skulls between me thighs!
3. C’mon, lad, shiver me timbers!
2. RAMMING SPEED!
…and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:
1. You. Pants Off. Now!
Please, no crackers for Polly…do not rec this essay.
without further ado, t’ floor be yours
~73v, over and out
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to that number one Female Pirate Pick-up line myself and always try to oblige as quickly as possible! (Ya’ just don’t mess with a Lady Pirate!)
No wonder it’s number one! Garrr!
Good mornin’ all Checkin’ in for t’ early giggles…need more coffee then will be aft!
Arrrgh…winds twill be bringin’ the storms ashore today…Brrrrrrrr!
You are The Cap’n!
Some men and women are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any scalawag who stands between them and unlimited power. You never met a man – or woman – you couldn’t eviscerate. You are the definitive Man of Action, the CEO of the Seven Seas, Lee Iacocca in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. You’re mission-oriented, and if anyone gets in the way, that’s his problem, now isn’t? Your buckle was swashed long ago and you have never been so sure of anything as your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off his head if he shows any sign of taking you on or backing down. If one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones’ locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed – a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.
What’s Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!
So, I go over to the Pirate Name Generator you link to above, and I enter:
First name: Stranger
Last name: Strangeland
And my Pirate Name:
Long Dong Silver
How did they know given I used my internet tag? They saw right through me…
Arrrr…..
Avast! Swab ye decks and fetch me grog! Smarty, ye lads! Or tis the plank fer yas!
Arrrrrrrgh!
Booty we want, plunder and pillage!
Teaching my classes wqith this voice today will be fun!
Ye ‘ol pirate parchment pages would yield up nothing for me. Shiver me timbers!
Time for ’em to walk the plank!!
I’m suddenly having an Armando flashback. He put something on the front page of kos kind of mocking an item he’d seen about modern-day pirates.
Yes!! Here it is!!
Mad Dog Melvin!!!! ha melvin, do hear that?
Here is a Pirate Name Generator that allows the wenches to identify
Me name be Louissa-Jamie the Scurvionious
and for those so inclined, can find their Drunken Dwarf Name here.
Arrrrrrrr. Tis a fine day ta be a pirate, maties. A fine day indeed.
here today at docudhaaaaarrrma.
/..o..\
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a pirate battering ram (just in case it wasn’t apparent)
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alas…….
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for ye wee buccaneers
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She ‘ad a fullsome prow, 3 of ‘er own teeth, a sailmaker’s palm and claimed she were “good with Swedes”, so I smuggled ‘er into the galley and bid ‘er get peelin’!