“Mother is the word for God on the lips of children everywhere”

(10 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

The charge of SEXISM really doesn’t help women’s causes to lead, not to say there isn’t sexism out there, but it is too loosely thrown around and is being used as an excuse and a roadblock to any real dialog. SEXIST is the charge directed at anyone who questions Sarah Palin about ANYTHING, but particularly when it is directed at Palin’s ability to take care of her children and the nation at the same time. It is what her supporters are first to point out in their sexism charges.  Never mind those same concerns were voiced about Michelle Obama, the difference is the Obama’s didn’t whine about it and charge sexism. They met it like everything else, head on, acknowledged our concerns and assured us in real ways the girls weren’t weren’t going to be sacrificed for ambition or even the greater good of the country. Follow me below the fold for my take on the mother issue.  

I am always surprised by people who charge sexism if you point out men and women are not the same. They aren’t, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t equal either in most capabilities, or that women can’t have careers or be in politics, or successfully lead a country like the USA. But, like it or not, both have had their “roles” defined by nature. Women carry a child for nine months. I believe that time creates an extraordinary bond between mother and child. Nature actually requires it or we would never have survived. Mother represents our first model of humanity and values, the first knowledge of unconditional love. Mother is ever present safety net for exploring our world and sharing of our firsts in the beginning.

As my son is quick to point out, men are expendable, history, nature and reality bears this out. I have friends who as fathers want that bond with their children and as close as they are, they aren’t a substitute for mother. Nothing soothes a child as quickly as being held by mommy, hearing that familiar heart beat, the safety it represents. I give as an example in addition to Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton. She makes no apologies for viewing being Chelsea’s mother her most important job. You know this is true because Hillary Clinton in addition to being the mother of an amazing young woman in Chelsea, has worked virtually all her adult life for your children, for your family.

Would we ask the same questions about a man? Probably not, but it isn’t necessarily sexism so much as traditionally how families are constituted. This why Joe Biden’s devotion to his children is extraordinary. Hillary’s wish for fathers to take a more active role in the joys of child rearing belies a culture where mothers have for centuries or longer been viewed as the irreplaceable heart of a family unit.

Women and children need men to be full participants in the raising of children, and men need the opportunity and joy of being those participants in their own families.

The primary obligation of both parents is to take whatever gift God gave you in the person of that little boy or girl and pay attention to that child’s needs, to respond to that child, to stimulate that child, to be there for that child, and to learn the kind of personality your child has so that you’re allowing your child to flourish.

Times have changed, more and  more mothers are either by necessity or choice are giving over the primary care of their children to others. From an article by the APA, 9/1995.

In a series of studies, Howes found that the attachments children form with their primary caregivers is remarkably similar to the attachments they form with their mothers.

However, secure attachments only occur with 50 percent of caregivers as opposed to 70 percent of mothers. The lower rate of attachment probably reflects the lower quality and closeness of the caregiver relationship, said Howes.

Many attachment researchers find themselves playing the part of child advocates, they admit. Their research points to the need for social policies that allow mothers to stay home or that require high-quality daycare for all children.

The reality is there are times when only mother will do and isn’t that our real concern for Sarah Palin’s children? Not that she can’t do what she is doing, or be on the world stage, or that she isn’t equally capable. She has two children who for now and in the case of their new baby son will need a mother’s support and comfort for some time into the future.  We read so many comments about the real joys of raising a Downs Syndrome child. For me the greater statement for Sarah Palin is not that she would choose to carry a DS baby to term but more importantly, she would choose to be Trig’s mother and all that it entails. It is a powerful responsibility to be a motherand says more about you than possibly anything else you do in life.

Remember Hillary and how we know she tells the truth about her joy in raising Chelsea? There is even a more important question here tied to Sarah Palin’s mothering. The less easily articulated subject of family values. I need to know that Sarah Palin values her children, her family and places them first in her life because if she does then the likelihood she will value our children and families is greater. If she doesn’t then ours won’t even be a blip on her radar screen of governance. I need to know and if it is sexist so be it, but I find it interesting the Obama’s and Biden’s make no equivocations about the importance of their families. Nor do they equivocate about the importance of our families to them. Thinking back, neither did Bill or Al. So, Sarah cut the lip service pitiful as it is and show us where it really counts first, in your own family.

“Mother is the word for God on the lips of children everywhere”