(cross-posted from the ol’ Daily Kos there)

Duh!  Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

A new bill in the Iowa House of Representatives FINALLY solves the problem of liberal activist judges takin’ away all our precious freedoms!  Republicans are showin’ some real ingenuity in the ol’ legislative arena for dealin’ with same-sex marriage:

County recorders would be prohibited from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples and the Iowa Supreme Court would be unable to rule on the issue under a bill sponsored by six conservative House Republicans.

House File 330 specifically says that the Supreme Court would not be able to overturn or restrict the law if the bill were passed.

How brilliant is that?  If the liberal courts are givin’ ya trouble, just pass a law to keep their noses out of our business!  It’s like the Republicans are playin’ chess and the Democrats are playin’ Minesweeper.

America, you need to get scared RIGHT NOW!

As if socialism, Death Panels, and a potty-mouthed Chief-of-Staff weren’t enough to get ya cowerin’ under your ol’ beds there, we got ourselves a frightenin’ new problem:

Iran announced Wednesday it has successfully launched a 10-foot-long research rocket carrying a mouse, two turtles and worms into space – a feat President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said showed Iran could defeat the West in the battle of technology.

Whew!

I know this will be hard for ya to believe, but those liberal eggheads at CBS came to their senses yesterday and rejected an ad from ManCrunch.com to appear during the Super Bowl.  What a relief for America!  Can you imagine exposin’ the fresh-faced youngsters of America to  disgusting garbage as to which is demonstrated in the following manner?

(Note: the following video should not be viewed by anyone under any circumstances. It’s got somethin’ icky that is expressly forbidden in the Book of Leviticus.)

Glorious news from our nation’s capital (and/or Capitol) today!

Buried deep inside a boring bill about reformin’ credit card practices was a provision that stirred my patriotic loins in a way that’s been sorely missed since President Bush left office.  Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK), seein’ a major flaw in this credit card legislation, fixed it right up there by insertin’ an amendment to allow loaded guns in national parks.  Check and mate, you greedy credit card companies!

These days the Democrat party usually strips all of the patriotism right out of bills like this and replaces it with socialism.  But not this time!  Coburn’s amendment passed with the support of 27 Democrats in the Senate, includin’ the majority leader Harry Reid.  That makes TWO patriotic things Reid did in ONE day, along with his come-to-Jesus moment on not closin’ Guantanamo.  Wow!  Maybe there’s hope for this guy after all.  Or, maybe not, accordin’ to Nevada’s likely voters.

I love the smell of People Power in the morning!  The overwhelmin’ tide of grassroots anger came to a climax yesterday with the Teabaggin’ protests all over this great country of ours.  Millions and millions of patriots were out there makin’ their voices heard and scarin’ the socialists silly with their message of “Stop Governing!” and by the way “Stop the Gays From Gettin’ Married!”  And don’t think this is just talk — we’re forcin’ action to be taken at the very highest levels of the liberal governing elite.

For example, you may remember the total sham from a few weeks ago when Docudharma took away my trusted user status under the laughable excuse of performin’ “software enhancements.”  Well, I am happy to report that the Teabaggin’ protests have so frightened our liberal Docudharma overlords that they have restored my trusted user status!  We DO have the power to stand up to oppression!

And there is an even bigger victory as a result of the Teabaggin’ protests.  Ron Paul is takin’ advantage of this populist anger and wants to heavily arm it.  Paul’s idea is to hire ordinary citizens and send ’em into international waters to fight pirates:

I’m pretty gosh-darned frightened, America.  Frightened of what’s happenin’ to this great country of ours when a beloved fly-over state like Iowa turns its activist judges loose to pee on the holy institution of marriage.  Are patriotic Americans expected to stand idly by while gay people try to sign the same piece of paper in a church?  In a state with the first presidential caucus no less?  It’s time to draw a line in the sand!  Or dirt, in Iowa’s case.

Those nice folks there in Texas need help, America!  And I don’t mean from that awful “porkulus” bill that Mr. Socialism thinks will start stimulatin’ our economy.  Texas has a different pork problem, in that a plague of wild hogs are roamin’ over the land, tearin’ up the crops there and just makin’ a general nuisance of themselves.  Help IS on the way though, because I’m hearin’ that Texas may allow hog-huntin’ from helicopters!  Ooooohhhhh . . . I just felt a tingle go up my leg . . .  

Naturally the liberals are already whinin’ about it, like somebody just told ’em they have to go to church or something.  There is NOTHING to worry about, because the bill’s Republican sponsor, Sid Miller, assures us that:

“You’re not going to have some bubba up there going, ‘Pass me a beer and ammo’ and hunting some hogs,” the legislator said. “We certainly want to do it right.”

Brrrrrr!!!!  It sure has been cold out lately, doncha think?  Even Florida is havin’ trouble keepin’ their crops from freezin’ and lots of record low temperatures were observed there in the Midwest last week.  What the heck ever happened to that Global Warming that Al Gore promised us?  I was lookin’ forward to it!  Nobody gets to see my best political assets if I’m all bundled up in a parka.  

I ain’t the only one who thinks it’s cold out.  A local businessman here in Fairbanks, Craig Compeau, is teachin’ Al Gore a lesson in meteorology.  Compeau and local artist Steve Dean unveiled an ice sculpture of Al, over 8 feet tall, shiverin’ and lookin’ like a fool from bein’ so cold.  Al is gonna have a lot of explainin’ to do when he testifies about climate change in the Senate next week.  Gosh darn it, if only Uncle Ted was still in the Senate!  He could grill Al about how the heck this giant sculpture can exist if the earth is really warmin’ up.