Author's posts
May 15 2008
The Special Love of JonniJoe.
First we had Bennifer, then Brangela, and now Maverick and Joementum are in the middle of a were-not-afraid-of-wrinkly-man-union-tour and… well… it’s got me thinking.
Who are these guys?
May 12 2008
Through The Looking Glass Darkly.
If Senator John McCain were the DEMOCRATIC nominee for President, the Republican Party, in the guise of Rush and Sean and Anne and Michelle, would destroy him as follows:
May 10 2008
Howyado.
So, John McCain claims Hamas wants Barack Obama elected our next President.
Never mind that the political advisor to Hamas who remarked how he, “liked Barack Obama,” could have been saying so because he knew it to be a political kiss of death and therefore John McCain NOT Barack Obama would ascend to this country’s highest office.
Never mind as well that Hamas is a foreign organization and therefore its “opinion” is as functionally relevant as the opinion of… say… the society of ticket-takers at Euro-Disney.
We won’t really know the motivations or mental gyrations of the entity that is Hamas, but apparently John McCain is willing to speculate for his own political gain.
And if John McCain thinks it fair to project endorsements onto anthropomorphized entities, he shouldn’t mind it when I suggest… CANCER would prefer he was the next POTUS.
May 05 2008
Sons without Fathers.
My father was born Roland Lucien Meyer in Perpignan, France.
Being Jews in 1943 with the country still occupied by the Germans, my grandparents quickly put my father and his older brother Claude in a Catholic Orphanage and changed their last names to the less semitic Clauchre.
There my father and my uncle lived for the next two years… kids both with and without parents… with and without an identity… with and without a real heritage.
Thankfully the war ended and my father got to return home… though not to his family.
See, it was soon discovered that my Grandfather Helmut had ANOTHER child with ANOTHER woman and the secret child was barely three months younger than my father.
Whoops.
I assume that’s when my Grandmother decided to make the trip across the Atlantic…
May 03 2008
“Yo Mama! Yo Mama! Yo Mama!”
What with all the discussion yesterday about the use of hate words and today’s Howard-Wolfson-Faux-Gate I was reminded of one of the tiny moments of great courage that happened upon me as I have clung to this big blue orb.
Apr 29 2008
My Son.
My 3 year-old son has these moments.
He wants something.
A toy that his sister is playing with or some fragile item he sees in a store or maybe to ride his tricycle around the block when he suddenly wakes up at three o’clock in the morning.
And we have to say, “no”.
That’s when the meltdown hits…
Apr 25 2008
Your Penis Larger, with UPROUNDERS!
Hi, my name is Jeffrey Lieber and before I got started on the UPROUNDERS™ program my “certain part of the male anatomy” was mere inches long, but with the help of UPROUNDERS™ my “junk” now measures a full 22 inches, or almost TWO FULL FEET!
How did I do it… and how can YOU do it too?
Well let me show YOU how UPROUNDERS™ five step program works for EVERYONE…
Apr 22 2008
Preemptive Sandbox Invasion.
(Since the progress-o-sphere is about to go primary-day-crazy, here’s something to possibly counter all the primary talk from the state of Maine! Ohio? Mississi– Um, which state is it again?)
Apr 21 2008
What Obama SO MUST ABSOLUTELY EVER do tomorrow…
…in order be even VAGUELY viable in general election.
Well, he has to win by 20%, of course, but then he has to…
Apr 20 2008
“The human heart cannot heal itself.”
During the fall of 1996, my wife, Holly, came down with a fever approaching 102.
She was in bed for a few days and when she didn’t seem to be recovering, her mother took her into the emergency room (we hadn’t gotten together yet).
The doctors ran tests, pronounced it a bad flu, and sent her home.
Less than 24 hours later, her mother walked into her living room to find Holly lying on the couch, incoherent and utterly delirious.
Her fever was now over 105.
She had developed scabs on the palms of her hand and the bottoms of her feet.
She was unable to stand, talk or even make eye contact.
And by the time they arrived at the hospital this time, she was in a coma…
Apr 18 2008
John McCain Orders lunch at the Olive Garden.
John McCain: (pinching the waitress’ ass) Can I call you My Friend, My Friend?
Apr 16 2008
I have corporate sponsorship!
Very exciting times here at the the bustling blog offices!
Last night, yours-truly opened the front door to find a phalanx of high-powered corporate executives in even HIGHER powered suits standing expectantly on my stoop.
Well, these executives wined and dined and seventy-two’d me (that’s three better then sixty-nine) and as the caviar and truffles settled in my befattened tummy… I made the morally difficult decision to accept corporate sponsorship for my ongoing efforts.
Now, I understand how you might worry that the influence of multinational conglomerates (specifically the bags of cash, the bright red porsche, and the women of extremely low morals) might change the very nature of this blog, but let me tell you… NAY, PROMISE… as sure as the delicious Whopper™ I’m eating has a third less fat than the Big Mac… I CANNOT be corrupted!