I know that Docudharma is mainly a blog about the current state of national and international affairs, but one of the things I love about this place is that we talk about all kinds of things. I’m in the position of possibly having to make one of the toughest decisions I’ll have to make in a while and wondered if you good dharmainiacs might have any helpful words for me.

My springer spaniel Libby is 18 years old and is on her last leg. Here’s a picture of her that was taken not long after I adopted her.

I’ve been reflecting the last couple of days on a change in me that happened last week. I haven’t heard anyone talk about this kind of experience yet, so I’d like to share a little about my journey the last couple of years to explain it.

It all started in 2003 when I jumped head first into the Howard Dean campaign. I think I’d been waiting all my life for a national figure to come along who would embody the famous words of JFK: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I wasn’t necessarily sold on Dean’s policies or his campaign persona. But his theme of “You have the power” was just what I’d been waiting to hear. And I watched the campaign live that out every day. For example, folks would talk on the Dean blog and give the campaign advice. The next few days, you’d see that advice being implemented. When I was asked to lead a meet-up, it was made clear that the campaign would provide information and materials, but that it was MY meet-up and we could use the time however we thought was best. I’d never seen a campaign like it before – not even Paul Wellstone’s.

Some people might disagree with this, but in the end, I watched the Democratic Party establishment and the media take Dean down. And I never got over it. Many of us talk about our disappointment in the party after the 06 elections. My hopes were shattered long before that in the lead-up to the Iowa caucuses four years ago. In the end I voted for Kerry, but just couldn’t find it in my heart to do any more than that.

The narrative that took hold in me as a result of all this was that our democracy was dead. It looked to me like the “establishemt” (or, as budhy would say, the PTB), choose our candidates, created the narrative and then it was all over but the inaugural. And in the lead-up to the 08 campaign, it looked like the “chosen ones” were Clinton and Guliani.

The results of the Iowa caucuses last week shattered that narrative – in both parties. So now I find myself thinking that maybe we do have a bit of democracy left in this country after all.  

New Years is a great time for reflecting back and looking forward. As I do a bit of that today, its clear that the last year has been one of darkness. But, as the poet David Whyte says, there is a place for darkness – even a sweetness.

Sweet Darkness by David Whyte

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone

no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognize its own.

There you can be sure

you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb

tonight.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:

the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

Lately I’ve been reflecting a bit about my own journey to understand and undo racism in my life. I was steeped in it – growing up mostly in east Texas where the lines dividing “us and them” were drawn clearly and never crossed. I remember a few years ago I pulled out my old high school year book. I grew up in a small town (about 20,000 at the time) and we had two high schools – one white and one black. As I looked at my yearbook I was stunned to see that there were black students who went to my “white” school. It shames me to no end that I NEVER SAW them.

But don’t worry, my plan is not to take you step by step through this long journey I continue to be on, but simply to talk a bit about the fact that it is a journey. I think the classic metaphor of peeling an onion one layer at a time is very apt in this instance.

All the news about Pakistan today in the wake of the assassination of Benazir Bhutto made me think about a book I read a while ago titled Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.

Greg Mortenson was a nurse by profession and a mountain-climber by passion. He attempted to climb K2, but was unsuccessful. After several mishaps, he found himself alone on his descent and almost died. He was taken in by the people of Korphe, a small village in the Pakistani mountains, and nursed to health. Greg promised to repay the people of Korphe by coming back to build them a school. When he returned to the US, he sold all of his possessions and dedicated himself to raising the small amount of money he needed to build the school. Within a couple of years it was done.

Its about that time of year when we all start trying to sum up the entirity of 2007 with a list of the “10 best” of everything. When I reflect on the last 12 months, what strikes me is that it was the year I came to grips with the fact that the Democrats were not going to “save us” from Bushco and began to look at the failings of what we so affectionately call “democracy.” So its been a pretty heavy year for me.

But I also think about the three things that have helped me survive this year of dark enlightenment. That being blogs, music and comedy. So as I reflect, I’d like to take that last one and think about all the ways I’ve had my funny bone tickled and my mind tingled by the comedians – the ones who seem to be the sane among us.

These guys (my new year’s wish will be for more women in these ranks) had a lot of insane material to work with this year. And the one I find most memorable is from John Stewart as he schools us on the concept of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend (or not).”

As 2007 draws to a close, you know we’ll be seeing lists of the top 10 or top 100 about everything you can imagine. When I reflect on the year, I think of three things that helped me keep my sanity during a year when our ranting went from being directed exclusively at the Republicans and moved into frustration with Democrats as well. Where do we look for sanity and hope? For me this year its been blogs, music and comedians.

So for tonight, I thought it might be fun to take that last one and find some of the moments that brought a laugh to my belly and a sigh of recognition to my heart. These folks had a lot of ironic material to work with this year. And the one that stands out to me is by John Stewart. As you know, you won’t see these clips on youtube, so you have to click through to Crooks and Liars to see this bit where Stewart explains the concept of The Enemy of My Enemy is my Friend (or not).  

I have a brother who is 18 months younger than me. He was married once right after college, and divorced after a few years with no children. At almost 50, he had settled into his single life, and had a variety of interests to keep him busy.

Then about 3 years ago, he re-connected with a woman he had dated in high school. She too had been married with two children, and then divorced. But she says that she never quit loving my brother. A few months after getting back together, they were married. That means there were 33 years from the time they first dated until the wedding. Just goes to show – love can bloom in the most unlikely of times/places.

The marriage meant that my sister-in-law and her one daughter that was still at home moved from Texas to Minnesota – now that’s true love. It has been one of the biggest blessings in my life to have the two of them here. And to see the love in my brother’s eyes for them – well that’s priceless.

I have posted pictures of my little sweetie Pax here before. But just in case you haven’t seen them, here she is.

Pax is a one year old teacup shih tzu and weighs in at just about 4 pounds. I brought her home just about a year ago, which was six months after I’d had to say goodbye to my buddy Henry the beagle.

Since tonight we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I thought it might be interesting to take a look at some of the things he stood for during his life. I no longer consider myself a christian, but it’s not for lack of trying. I went to church at least 3 times a week growing up, attended a christian high school and college, and finally got my master’s degree at a seminary. So sometimes I feel like I’ve heard just about everything there is to say about Jesus.

But a theology professor of mine at the seminary used to talk regularly about how christians today focus on Jesus’ birth and death – but don’t talk much about his life in between the two. That’s why Christmas is probably the biggest holiday of the year and its also why they LOVED the movie “The Passion of the Christ.”

The life of Jesus is where he presented challenges to all of us in showing us how we can live in a way that truly does transform the world. In our power-driven consumer society – those messages go right to the heart of what’s wrong with our culture and ask us to live another way.

I also had a professor in college who took his bible and cut out all the verses (old and new testament) that were instructions for us to care for the poor, the widowed and the children. He would hold up that bible in class and show us that there was not much left after all that was taken out in order to make the point that today, we tend to miss the central message.  

As many around the world are thinking about a little town called Bethlehem and the family that needed refuge there a couple of thousand years ago, I’m thinking about a little town in Southern France called Le Chambon that heard the call of those in need during more recent times.

The story of Le Chambon is written in a book titled Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed by Philip Hallie. It is the story of the people there who are responsible for saving the lives of over 5,000 Jewish refugees – mostly children – during World War II.

I read this book a couple of years ago and have since then found myself thinking about it quite often. It is a powerful story of ordinary people who had a huge impact in the world by living out their values of peace and human dignity in the face of totalinarianism and violence. Many have wondered over the years why a small town like this would take a stand when so many others were choosing to look the other way. Philip Hallie tries to answer that question in his book.