Sometimes, I wish I were Catholic / I dunno why”

-David Lowery of Cracker

Nice try, Dave. I know why- at least for myself, anyway. See, the idea of self-sacrifice, though usually repellent to rock stars such as ourselves, and especially non-denominational ones like me, is becoming unusually attractive to me in this, the Foul Year Of Our Lord 2008. Don’t laugh- it’s true. Mocking my newfound convictions will only make them stronger, but fire away if you must, because I’ve come to believe that the best offense is a solid defense, especially during the unbearable stretch from the Super Bowl to baseball’s Spring Training. But never mind all that bullshit. What I really wanted to talk about, before that ridiculous tangent, was Throwing It All Away. So indulge me, because if you don’t I’ll indulge myself anyway, albeit perhaps for the final time.

I think I’m going Puritan. Everywhere I look I see Degradation and Degeneracy, and a foul slippage into the primordial sludge of Apathy. Oh sure, you say, give us another laugher, Dubious One. Ah, but I insist- I haven’t been only looking in the mirror this time, gang. I have been gazing out across the narrow fissure of All These Bent Tubes, and verily I say to thee it is a Waste Land, with no shining sword of justice to smite the raging masses.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and lemme tellya, I’m scared shitless that the economy will be tanking, um, soon. Sometime soon. I’m also a bit concerned that we’ll be Bombing Beautiful Persia within two months. Or tomorrow. Who can say? I’m mildly worried that White Male Christian Dominionists will, in short order, be transforming our country’s military into their own personal paintball game, and in the process taking over everything else with ridiculous ease. Some people tell me that I’m overrreacting, but I don’t think so, dude.