Category: Personal

“You’re alone now!”

That’s what a friend of mine said to me, many many years ago, when I was doing one of those back and forth style break-ups. You now, I kept taking him back. Lucy and Charlie Brown and the football.

And she was right. She was right then and she’s right again, now, in my head.

I guess it’s my turn to spill my guts in a political blog which has become my community. Oh, I’ll go talk, in detail, with my Babes Forum, they’ve known gory details for the past 5 or 6 years, and they’ll be supportive. They always are.

Here… I have to hand it to both Translator and Ministry of Truth, who have outted themselves (!) with their personal woes yet somehow managed to spare us an overload of details. (Sometimes I wonder how many of us are “walking wounded”.) I’m not so good at that, so I just censor myself altogether. It’s easier.

Because … it’s complicated.

But, then again, on another level, it’s really not. It’s about Power. Again. Money. Control.

I don’t have any.

I stepped away from my computer yesterday, and decided instead to enjoy myself. As someone wrote to me yesterday, stop digging. So I did, and I thank you. My celebrating had already started early, and even I knew better than to continue on my present course, especially after a couple of pitchers of sangria. An intoxicated me would not have been excellent in any imaginable way, as my last comment shows all too clearly. loose lips sink ships, so I zipped it, and had some fun.

Since it was my birthday, I turned off my computer for a while, and I spent my time in the company of friends, family and even shared good times online later in the evening with a few new friends that I’ve made here at DD. But more than just a good time, though it definitely was, it was time spent reflecting on what’s really important in my life, focusing on those closest to me, and thinking about how best to move forward … to become better than I was yesterday, and to try and be better tomorrow.

When I woke up early this morning, I was greeted by a beautiful horizon, and I made the decision to simply enjoy it. Instead of my regular morning routine, if I was going to make a change, then I’d best get on with it. I grabbed my camera, decided the animals could wait a bit for just one morning, and I repeated my determinations made yesterday with the new dawn.

Though I’m neither a photographer nor a poet, what follows is just what came out of my decision to make each new day count, starting with today. One year and one day older, and so much left to do.

Many of you here have been on my mind, and I thank you for even the harshest criticisms. And no matter how much I tried to avoid it, you forced me to take a good hard look at myself and make the determination to do better, be a better person. I can’t imagine a better birthday gift. This essay is my thank you.

hey ho

I’m exhausted. okay? Wiped. Too tired to explain, and I wouldn’t anyway, so just take my word for it.

I’m really appreciative to all of you who stay on top of the various details of the ongoing battles that involve phonecalling petitions congress white house health care pelosi progressive caucus Whitehouse (the man) bills committees reid rahm axelrod grayson holder slinkerwink obama  health insurance reform wars troops funds wall street terror senators business hedge funds graphs charts pie leahy artic ice and everything else i left out. which is a lot.

i can’t. at least not today.

see? i can’t even work up the energy to capitalize that i.

there is this one thing, though. oh wait, and one other thing too. let me go get it. them.

I was so happy Weds. morning. Going about my life. See, I’ve been on a big “clean out the house” binge — boy does that feel good! A “get organized” binge — trust me it was needed after years of not, and BOY does that feel GOOD. A “get rid of it if you don’t need it, watch out I’m dropping bags of stuff I think you need off on your front porch under cover of darkness” binge. OK, I”m actually calling people or emailing them to see if they really want the stuff.

Taken stuff to the Kid’s Consignment Shop. Goodwill. I mean, the computer monitor that was stuffed in the corner 5 YEARS ago to take… somewhere… Well, WA State changed laws, and now you can drop them off at any Goodwill, and there’s one about 12 blocks from my house! That happened 2 years ago, I’m all set, eh? Well the monitor is now in trunk of car, and all I have to do is remember it when I’m near the Goodwill!

OK OK, I got out the right tool and made a note to myself to remember. (Speedy forgetful, or “Quick Smart” people take note: that tool is a business card as small enuf to fit in pocket, make notes on the back throughout the day as to where you need to go, keep in pocket when you go out, consult and follow the directions. No charge.)

I mean, you know? I’m on a fantastic roll here. But from zipping around the house got a bit tired, so sat down, opened computer, to learn and rest at same time. “Hmmmmm, I’ll try CommonDreams, see what they have for news today.”

(Headline below the fold.)

It’s maybe four and a half, five miles from the Lowe’s hardware store to the front yard of my house and most of the way I drive, the route is a very straight stretch of two lane road that looks nothing like suburbia and very little like the rest of the east side neighborhoods that splotch the landscape of land where truck farms and diary farms abounded in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s up through the 1960’s.

The two-laner dips and rises a bit occasionally as it passes by the still expensive homes that seem to want to announce to every passing driver that wealthy people live there, or lived there, with their horses and white cross-bar wooden fences or the occasionally recycled plastic white board-like fencing with the spire post caps.

Personal disclaimer: Over the years here, I’ve made liberal use of the device of interspersing lyrics with my writing. Tonight I’m a little fanciful, but I’ll mention up front that I’m gonna do it again in this diary. Some people hate it. Well, you don’t have to read me. But I ask that you bear with me anyway. Indulge me.

And, whatever you do, grab all the joy you can.

(crossposted at Dailykos)

I have greeted with some dismay the emotional reaction to censorship at the GOS of late, and welcomed essays to promote a further dialogue about it. I read the comments and discussions about all the aspects of the current situation – who’s got power in the blogosphere, who doesn’t, what gets censored where, what doesn’t, etc., etc., etc. – and made comments of my own. Mostly because I have some ‘extra’ time lately to read and participate here at DD due to the recent ending of a long-term contract for paid blog-writing and the immediate non-existence of a new one.

So when the subject gets construed into what we are, or are supposed to be ‘doing’ about politics in Amerika, walking walks or talking talks, changing the world or morphing into good little FoxBots, it may be time to consider what each of us individually is doing, and what our doing means to us. I’ve always only been able to speak authoritatively for myself, so I will. Never been much of a leader or a follower and never wanted to be.

I got the hospital bill today. (broken wrists x 2)

I’ll be talking to some folks to figure out how all this works, but… damn.

Anyone else got the blues tonight? Chime on in!

Today was the court date for the hearing regarding the divorce.  All details have been covered, the property, the money, the retirement, ad infinitum.

Mrs. Translator took a big chunk of her morning to appear before the judge, costing her leave time and the extra money that she makes for running the early morning detention hall at her school.  I did my part (although I did not have to appear, since I contested nothing) by signing, having notarized, and mailing back critical documents the same day that I received them without fail.