Category: Community

Sep 09 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry XI

Art Link

Tangles and Ripples

Friends

There came a time

when folks had to choose

whether they knew me or not

Most of them fled

unable to cope

or unwilling to try

The few who remained

faced questioning

of their own motives

for standing by me

New friends were made

some would deem

questionable

outsiders

the dregs to some

who recognized me

as one of their own

newly arrived

or maybe just

freshly met

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–January 19, 2006

Sep 08 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry X

Art Link

Isolation

Loneliness and Isolation

The mind–yearning, seeking, questing, emerging–female.

The body–betraying the mind–male.

Can one express what it feels like to be transsexual?

Before I was man and was treated like man.

After I will be woman.

Now I am both/neither.

Neither generally wins, excluded from both.

Is it too difficult for others to comprehend

Or is it too difficult for me to explain?

Is there anyone who will accept me as I am

Or will I only be accepted/rejected

For who I was/will be?

Loneliness and isolation nip at the edges of my being.

Certainty becomes expectation.

Expectation becomes hope.

Hopes become dreams.

The dreams dissipate into nothingness.

Another friend is gone.

New friends are made.

Life changes but why must the bridge be so tenuous?

Loneliness and isolation blur my consciousness.

Why must others always bring up the past

Which has become so foreign to me?

The events are there but the feelings are gone.

How do I describe the deeper feelings that have replaced them?

Emotions long submerged boil to the surface

And erupt full-blown into the mind

But there is no one present with whom to share them.

Loneliness and isolation crowd around my soul.

How do I explain the feeling of hormones

Coursing through my body,

Changing it to fit the mind?

How do I deal with the sexuality, the sensuality

Exploding in every nerve ending?

When there is nobody with whom to explore these sensations,

Time slows considerably.

How does one measure the growth of a breast?

With a watch, a sundial, a calendar, or with a life?

Loneliness and isolation seek to smother my existence

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–November, 1992

Sep 08 2009

An Epistle To The Dharmanics

By davidseth in Community, Meta

Greetings from Mexico, where I am holed up in my secret undisclosed location finishing the first draft of my second novel. I have been here for two weeks. The book is coming along very nicely, thank you. I will try to sell it to you on some other occasion when it is more finished.

I’ve been taking breaks from writing by swimming, going for long walks, snorkeling, kayaking, chatting with the neighbors. I take a break whenever my neck and shoulders start to get stiff from sitting in my chair and typing or whenever I need an idea to move the story forward. I also have been taking breaks by furtively reading this blog and commenting occasionally. Which brings me to what I wanted to say to you, my fellow Dharmaniacs.

Have you noticed how very sad, how very down, how very depressed we are these days? Every day seems to bring another reason for sustained depression. Yes, we’re still angry about some things, but forgive me if I say so, mostly we’re depressed and sad and beaten down. We feel, if I may characterize it so, as if we were thrown under a bus. It’s easy to understand why. Is there a public option? Will the uninsured ever be insured? Is there a prosecution of torturers? Is there an end to the hate spewed by various commentators? Is there more and more war in Afghanistan, Iraq? Is there peace anywhere? Can the President tell kids to stay in school? Can the Congresspeople throw off their reptilian bodies and speak the truth? About anything? Forgive me for not finishing the list. It’s too extensive. And far, far too depressing for a detailed enumeration.

If I were in the US, maybe our rhetoric would still seem normal to me. Maybe it would be more of the same, what happens to progressives when, having elected the president, they are unable to get his ear. And why can’t progressives get his ear? Let’s not unwind that all over again. From here, in Mexico, what I am reading seems to be our lingering despair. And under that, perhaps some seething anger. But mostly, what I’m reading imo is our collective sadness.

I have no idea what the remedy for this pervasive malaise might be. As Gurdjieff once wrote (pardon ugly paraphrasing), “This first step to breaking out of prison is to recognize that you’re confined.” So I think the first step might be to acknowledge how very deeply disappointed we are. Maybe that’s a first step.

I didn’t want to be the canary in this particular coal mine. But I did want to tell you about the fumes.

Sep 07 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry IX

Art Link

Passing through Grey

The Letter

This is just a note

to say goodbye

and warn you

and them…and me

of the drastic change

in our life paths

lying on the other side

of the passage of night

to introduce the person

you will meet tomorrow

when I return

as someone else

a plea to you

to help nurture

this fragile seed

as it germinates

and a heads up

so you can view

or maybe cause

the lighting of the fuse

that will initiate

the explosion

of our separate

and joint realities

a call to witness

the mass reactions

designed to crush

the life out of me

–Robyn Elaine Serven
–September 29, 2006

Sep 04 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry VIII

Art Link

Painful Separation

Love

Love is hard to give…

and harder still to take

Life is hard to live…

unless it’s lived for Love’s sake.

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–July, 1992

Sep 03 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry VII

Art Link

Tarnished Silverpink

Sorry

I’m sorry that you hurt

I’m sorry that in living my life

I have caused you pain

I’m sorry that you are having trouble

attaining your goals

Love may mean

never having to say you’re sorry

But Friendship demands it

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–July, 1992

Sep 02 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry VI

Art Link

Faces

It was fear of the faces

that kept me at bay

recoiling in shock, alarm, disgust

shuddering with contempt, derision, revulsion

hardening into loathing, hatred, and fear

Four decades was a long time

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–January 11, 2006

Sep 01 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry V

Art Link

More Blues

Senses

Tears cloud the vision

Silence enshrouds the ears

Touching is denied

Taste and smell are dulled

Pain pierces the heart

Loneliness hammers at the brain

This is how a friendship ends

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–June, 1992

Aug 31 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry IV

Art Link

Purple Chasm

Suspended

I was too afraid to release

the life I had, feeling like

I would surely plunge

into the abyss if I did.

Eventually I found

I had nothing to lose,

that maybe the abyss

was where I belonged

So I disentangled myself

from that former existence

and found that I was hanging

inches from solid ground

Ain’t that a bite in the ass.

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–October 31, 2005

Aug 28 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry III

Art Link

The Blues

A Secret

A secret

buried deep within my soul

A secret

hidden from one and all

A secret

too hard for me to tell

A secret

complex enough to kill

A secret

that cannot see the light

A secret

I kept it locked up tight

A secret

leaking out so late

A secret

determining my fate

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–June, 1992

Aug 27 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry II

Art Link

Mask

The Mask

My life was a mask I wore

to hide my secrets

Bleak, flat, colorless,

bland was my world

filled with responsibility

devoid of joy

Anguish washes away

meaningful emotion

The mask blinded me

to life’s possibilities

tunnel vision

eroding hope

love tainted by a lie

so immense

it can’t be seen

Lies piled upon lies

a false truth

that comforted

everybody

but me

Meaning dwindled

distorted

Heart broken

blackened

Soul warped

crushed

The walls

of my reality

were too close

Going forward

requires

destroying

the mask

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–January 17, 2006

Aug 26 2009

Muse in the Morning

By Robyn in Art, Community, Poetry

Muse in the Morning

A Transition through Poetry I

Art Link

Organizing a Rainbow

The Migration

I am.

I am a boy.

I am different.

I am supposed to be who my family wants me to be.

I am bad.

Something is wrong with me.

Something is wrong about me being a boy.

I have to be who my mother wants me to be.

I am supposed to be a boy.

I am counter-culture.

I am supposed to be a man.

I am supposed to be a husband.

I have to be who my wife wants me to be.

I am supposed to be a father.

I have to be who my daughter needs me to be.

I am caught.

I have to be who society wants me to be.

I am a soldier.

I am a student.

I am a teacher.

I have to be who my employers want me to be.

I am unhappy.

I am suicidal.

I have to take a chance on being who I want me to be.

I am afraid.

I am really a woman.

I really am a woman.

I am a transsexual.

I am proud.

I am transsexual.

I am a transsexual woman.

I am transgendered.

I am transgressively-gendered.

I am queer.

I am gender-variant.

I am Robyn.

I am free.

I am me.

–Robyn Elaine Serven

–September 22, 1998