( – promoted by undercovercalico)
Love is like oxygen….not enough & you’re gonna die
in through your nose, out through your mouth
moving in silent desperation… a hypothetical situation…….
She had no idea how far down she’d gotten. To her it seemed as though everything was perfectly normal, that the connections she was making were absolutely viable & all was right in her world. From time to time someone would float thru & give well meaning advice….but she could see they hadn’t their own shit together, how crass of them to think they knew better than she what to do to feel better. & she felt fine~ Really
fine, fine, fine…..on cloud nine
round like a circle in a spiral………..
living on nerves & feelings with a weak and lazy mind……..
Stumbling deaf drunk and blind
I wish I had a sense of humour keeping the saaaaaadness at bay….
She had given her all to make them better & it Just. Wasn’t. Enough.
For the very first time in her life she couldn’t kissitandmakeitbetter
shattered….scattered…BUH-BUH-DUHDUHDUH…I’m in tatters
my analyst told me I was right out of my head
the way he described it I’d be better dead
I didn’t lisssssssen………..
roll for health….minus twelve, no bonus
she couldn’t MAKE them want to live & felt she’d let everyone down…
A wheel within a wheel….never ending story…..lalala lalala lalala
Someone left the cake out in the rain, all the sweeeeet green
sweeeeeet dreams, get in the limosine
soon we’ll be away from here
step on the gas & wipe your fuckin tears
it’s a pity party & she’ll cry if she wants to
Forgive me, forgive me, I’ve let you down………..forgive me please….mea culpa
and it hurt
to be such adisappointment to them all….
to not save them, not be able to save them
for what or whom she had no idea
she felt like a failure
she was a failure
was it those one or two stray thoughts of pure meanness?
if she could’ve held those away…at bay
would anything be different
did that one thought change the balance?
and I dreamed I was dying
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like she’s walking on a wire in the circus…….
she tucked her emotions down deep inside herself
she wrapped herself in the cotton wool of xanax and weeds
not allowing any feelings in
they hurt
too much
so much easier to not feel
to cover the sharp shards of feeling
in the cotton wool
insulating herself from the pain of her failure
of loss
she walks in the air between the rain through herself and back again…..
I let you down, forgive me……
If she could just stay in the warmth of the bath until someone awoke her heart would keep beeting….no need to disturb anyone, the warmth would keep her going for just a bit longer
someone would wake soon to help her up and get some air in the room
smoke was filling up in the corners of her world
as the torches puthered around her feet…their dying embers winking out one by one
rising on the hot air currents
they disappear
riding off into the sunset
boogety, boogety, boo
fever rolled up to a hunnert and five
it is more than she weighs
gonna roll on up….roll back down
dwaa na na, dwaa na na, dwaa na na, teedley deedley dee
roll for health….minus nineteen, no bonus
shattered…..scattered…..I’m in tatters
electrolyte levels like an alcholic heroin junkie…..are you sure she’s not a closet alcoholic?
Many levels aren’t even registering
Nooooooo…….. she doesn’t like alcohol
a very ver cheap date
a glass of wine sends her stumbling to bed
do you do illegal drugs???
Do you?
Un poquito mota, solomente
ten legged spiders clamberingcrawl up her arms turning her skin to pink marble with hideous opaline veins that throb wildly
they puncture a vein to draw off the poison and her blood plods into the tiny crystaline vials like mud
the green eyes have fear
they turn away quickly
lest she sees how desperate the situation is
don’t let it get away, don’t let them turn my blood into gollems
mum, dad…..it’s eeeeeevil……..
I was talking to my doctor down at the hospital
He said, Hon, it says here you’re fourty-nine,
But that’s just impossible
you look like you could be a hunnert-leventy-three
she pulls back her hair and screams I don’t really wanna live this life
the rictus of her grin scares the boy
he turns away crying
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I need all my fluids please
I want a cuppa tea
or three
you can never have too much sugar
we have to get to know one another before you can take such advantage
well I’d like to get to know you…yes I would…….
its NOT fucking FAIR
it never was though, was it?
Really?
who gave you that idea becauze its just bizzarre & you must be a loon to think that
loon, she’s a loon, a looney….yup, yup… a looney tune…. a day in June
you did all you could and more its never enough, they always demand more
she has no more to give……..
she’s just give slap out, Just. Slap. Out.
You should’ve took more than you gave
we wouldn’t be in this mess today……..
When did you eat last?
EAT?
What is that, pray?
Maybe December?
Its been a long December
what year are we?
its gone, gone, gone….I don’t know where I am, I’m on the road again..
..DUHDUH-DUHDUH Gone, gone, gone….deedle, deedle, deedle dee
you can gaze out your window get mad & get madder…..throw your hands in the air
saying what does it matter
It don’t do no good to get angry, so help me, I know
a heart stained with anger grows weak & grows bitter
you become your own prisoner
as you watch yourself sit there
caught up ina trap of your ver own chain of sorrow………..
Chai, chai, chain….chain of fools
must be the season of the witch
you gotta stop this no good bitch…….
next thing I remember I was lyin in my bed, couldn’tna been much more than one or two
it was late in the evening and the musics seeping through
whoaoaugh, whoaoaugh, there’s a disturbance in the force
shhh, she said, I know….it’s only in my head……..
she lay on a grey granite slab
on top of the moors with the scent of the heathers and sheep dung and the cries of peregrines calling her name
& orders a marguerita, with no salt….in her eyes
stirred not shaken
the road not taken
can this road be taken, taken at all….
the most beautiful sound that I eeeeeeeeeeeeeever heard…………
ave maria…….
and the slab fell away
went roaring into the valleys of the moon
great tiers rose around her
a Colosseum
of the ones of before
filling all the space
they each held a thread
all the threads are connected
a great spirograph of light and sound
the great web of the world
the energy patterns
the ley lines of the universe
a tapestry of time and light and sound
it’s alright ma, I’m only dying
you become your own prisoner caught up ina trap
your very own chain of sorrow
sing tanana….she’s a rich girl
O abuela I’m coming
no es tu tiempo mi hija
tu tiempo no es horita
pobrecita, pobrecita
POR QUE???
Why gramma, why
why do I see this so clearly
Escribe el libro
you’re the only one who can
Ju are the only one to see your thread
you must eshow it to de others
aye pobrecita, eeets hokay
besos, muchos besos
caught up ina trap of your ver own chain of sorrow………..
she curled into a ball
as the wind whipped her hair away
she turned into eggwhites
sliding towards the edge of the robyn egg marble
and the calliope crashed to the ground……..
impeccable manners will keep the doors from slamming
(Peevishly)why does everyone jump when she pushes her button & I can’t get fresh ice?
Daddy she cant hardly gasp for air & yet says thankyou
nice matters
reach out reach out & touch some one….reach out & just say
thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,thankyou
danke shoen, darling danke shoen
reach out & make this world a better place, when you can……..
Bitte, please, por favor
not enough & you’re gonna die
Its really not that fucking hard….so many have said so, why does no-one
lissssssen godddDAMmmmmit
love….its just LOVE
the difference is just a letter
selfesh/selfless
why do they make it into mountains
when it’s All. For. Love.
it’s all good
she goes cold
eggwhites won’t run cold
maybe she can keep from sliding over the edge if she can just stay cold
can’t you see my walls are crumbling………….
roll for health….minus nineteen, plus 3 bonus for instinct
a million twelve legged spiders crawl into her nose and throat
stringing sticky web behind them
they clog her passages
they clot her blood
they clod her air
never was a cornflake girl…….
But she was turning into a blueberry….
oompa loompa loompety-do I’ve gotanother riddle for you….
What ‘ave I got in me pocket?
Her brain was swelling…. or shrinking
she wasn’t sure which
she was turning into a mongoloid child….
She was going mad
a stark raving looney
Too much water on the brain
water under the bridge
trolls & beasties
beating her head till it was so swollen
O so swollen
and she’s far away somewhere in her eiderdown
and she dreams of crystal streams ,days gone by they would lean
laughing fit to burst upon each other……………..
Look at the funny mongoloid child
heeheeheehee heeheeheehee
shuddup shuddup shuddup shuddup SHUT UP
its not that funny is it
aaaayieee duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duhduh duhduh duhduh duh TUSK!
Aaaayieeeeeeeeeeeeee
all I need is the air that I breeeeeeeathe…………….
Not enough and you’re gonna die…….
She pants like a puppy
in tiny short gasps
thankful…..nay grateful………… for every mililitre of oxygen
lung capacity 57ml
bp 183/62… temp 104
that can’t be correct
in through your nose, out through your mouth
make my bed out of wonderbread
a marshmallow pillow for my head………
they gave her noxious poison yellowgreen smoke
they said it would kill the spiders
in through your nose, out through your mouth
in onetwothree, out onetwothree
in onetwothree, out onetwothree
smoke danced through
a cotillion cloud
a waltzin 3/4 time
and the spiders turned to ashes
that bubbled incessantly from the edge of her mouth
you can’t walk their path
you can only tread your own
lead by example
you know…..go your own way………..
Go your own way……..
a perfect paisley of octarene
silently crept down her cheek
in a great cacophony of yurplene light
the etch of its path
infinitesimally returning the marble to flesh
roll for health…..minus eight, plus 2 bonus for poison gases, plus 1 bonus for warmth
can’t you see my walls are tumbling…….
shhh, she said, I know….it’s only in my head……..
Sing Tanana, tananana she’s a rich girl
och, ye wee daftie
ye dinna think ye kin hide in there forever do ye?
Ye must come out, come out, come out wherever you are
and the pilot said that in fourteen minutes
he would have them at the terminal gate
Dance in the dark of night, sing to the morning light……..
And the locusts sing off in the distance…..
The pixies can’t keep you hidden anymore
the majik grows thin… you must awake
roll for health….. minus four, plus 2 bonus for warmth
but I haven’t yet had tea
you promised me tea
she turned her head in silent despair and there he was
suddenly filling all the available space with his presence
a great ebony dragon
with black diamond claws holding her safe in the palm of his hand
he set her gently down
better dear?
Och, aye
how do you catch a wave upon the sand?
his natty little tweed jacket made her twitter, her eyelids crinkle with giggles
the threads of ochre and dursty green just so Wrong on him
they should be a deep periwinkle to match his eyes
and grey to set off his scales
the susserating of them whisper sethhhhhhhhhhhh, sethhhhhhhhhh
a tiny boat drink umber ella appeared upon her head
made of tinfoil thread
it expanded, grew
became a lace sunhat
a hat that shone like the suns, emitting light from the tinfoil threads
in every imaginable colour
diamonds dancing in shafts of light
sent by the haberdasher
just for her
you wear it well…. a little out of time but I don’t mind
she had a cuppa tea
from a china cup so thin you could read a newspaper through it
her grammas teacup
as ever unconsiously her pinky aloft
living her life just like a movie star…..
fell in love to the sound of the guitar…….
andalucien gypsy fiddle music makes her soul sing out
a wailing cry with longing for life
all that I have left & music is her name………
Roll for health….. plus one, plus 2 bonus for impeccable manners
My love is an anchor tied to you
tied with a silver chain
chai, chai, chaiaiaiain, chain of fools
the smoke turns to mists
the dragon shrinks and flies up to her shoulder
holding up her hat of light to save her the effort
a snake winds its way around her ankle
black to yellow will kill a fellow
red to black is good for jack
there is no red or black or yellow
tans and browns
creams and umbers
the world is fresh and new
the snakes fang touches her jaw
a kiss of hope he gives
the calico lays down beside the snake
keeping count of her breaths, her heartrate, for her
she no longer has to worry
in onetwothree, out onetwothree
in onetwothree, out onetwothree
the waltz continues
it’s never too late for a happy ending…….
she’s a rich girl…. sing tanana, tananana
she got diamonds on the inside…….
The black dragon left them there
with magic runes writ in gold to bring the balance back. Bring it back. Bring it back.
The mists coalesce
become substantial, viscous
the waters at her feet run clear
great lotus flowers rise from their clear depths
riding the multieverchanging hued bubbles
subltle shades and hues
icecream dreams with edgings of viralene, dimiscue and plue
and the lotus sang off in the distance
their chorus brings her spirit peace
their light easeing her aching lids
the faeries and pixies fly~dancing upon the wafting scents
of vanilla and thistle
canteloupe and black beans
the brownies and greenies
bring rich earthen cookies thick with peatscent and acridiron
srirring her appetite
food glorious food, hot sausage and mustard……….
While she’s in the mood, a nice flan custard………..
Roll for health….. plus seven, plus 2 bonus for harmony, plus 1 bonus for rhyme
Beams of Lights emit from her toes and fingers
the faeries rejoice
dancing in the rain of their tears of joyous wander
she is not lost
she’s building a mysteria
lavendar chandeliers of light
edged in periwinkle green
and cream
thick double~devonshire cream
Hello my love I have a gift for you
In the garden – I see …Purple shower, bells and tea
Orange birds and river cousins dressed in green
Pretty music I hear – so happy and loud – blue flower echo
From a cherry cloud
At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by,
With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds her eyes…
Who will buy
this wonderful morning
I’m so high
I swear I could fly
who will buy this glorious morning
and put it in a box for me
and I said welcome home
it sure is nice to see your smiling face……..
Sunshine
isn’t it nice to be home again
with feeling