Tag: Catholics

With the Pope resigning and and scandals festering, the Catholic Church is in crisis!

Hurry! To the Conclave!

In their ancient meeting chamber, red-robed Cardinals from across the globe must battle corruption and disgrace and find a new face!

The Dean of the Cardinals, Angelo “The Clam” Sodano excels at the dark art of the pedophile cover-up– and has swept some of the evilest abusers under Vatican vestments.

While Cardinal Mahony, “The Shuffler,” arrived at the conclave fresh off a deposition delving into his past crimes of hiding child rapists in various states and countries.

Maybe German Cardinal Ratzinger is the one, and people won’t notice he helped keep crimes hidden too! Oops! He’s already been pope–

And is off to live in a freshly-remodeled, forty-three-hundred square foot cloistered nunnery, with tastefully-appointed immunity.

Out with the nuns, in with the former-Pope!

Maybe it’ll be a bold, brash American Pope, like Cardinal Tim Dolan! Who paid predators twenty-thousand dollars to make them go away.

Whoever said the money-changers can’t work for you?

But surely this character isn’t fit to be Pope! He blabs all about corruption, is a liberal when it comes to women in the Church, and he’s never said anything about priests being celibate!

It’s a new day for a new leader . . . to be chosen by the old leaders from the old days . . .

So, hurry! To the Conclave!

Pat Buchanan recently opined the near-certain confirmation of Elena Kagan on the Supreme Court will bring Jewish jurists on the court to three.  This 33% representation far outweighs the overall Jewish demographic of about 2% of the general population.

Pat Laments:

Buchanan was responding to a Washington Post story about black leaders expressing disappointment over solicitor general Elena Kagan’s record at Harvard Law, where the faculty members she hired were mostly white.

“But while leaders in the black community may be upset, the folks who look more like the real targets of liberal bias are white Protestants and Catholics, who still constitute well over half of the U.S. population,” he wrote. “Not in living memory has a Democratic president nominated an Irish, Italian or Polish Catholic, though these ethnic communities once gave the party its greatest victories in the cities and states of the North.”

What Pat fails to mention is that there are already six Catholic justices on the court.

I saw that on a bumpersticker recently, and thought it was a cogent reminder to so-called right-to-lifers that saving lives of real, whole people who actually exist and function as human beings should be at least as important as saving unborn fetuses or frozen embryos.

But to the religious right, and to the Catholic church, which I don’t lump in with the evangelicals, some “beating hearts” are more important than others.

When you go to Abortion Stops a Beating Heart website, you discover that Pro-Life Ministries “supports President Bush and our brave soldiers fighting Islamic terrorism.”  A link takes you to this explanation of Islam:  

Why you Need to Understand Islam and Islam’s False Religion of Hate, Intolerance and Errors Which Leads its’ Followers to Hell and Eternal Separation from God and Become a Follower of Jesus Who is the Christ, the ONLY Son of God, and sits at God’s Right Hand!

But are their Islamic hearts, and the hearts of Iraqi civilians, beating, or is it only the US military, whose hearts beat true for the red, white and blue?

What prompts this post not anything new from the fundamentalists, but a recent statement by the Catholic bishops.