Tag: ek Holiday

2014 Thowball Wild Card- Chargers @ Bengals

This is a tough one since I care so little about either team.  The Bengals have made the Playoffs 4 out of the last 5 years but they haven’t had a playoff victory since 1990.  Their problem is that they have a tendency to give up the ball a lot in the form of interceptions.  What’s notable about them historically is they were founded by the legendary Paul Brown after he was booted by the infamous Art Modell from his eponymous team and played for many years in Cleveland Browns uniforms that Brown owned and took with him in the breakup.  His son and heir Mike Brown is pretty much universally regarded as one of the dumbest owners in the NFL, which is saying a lot.

The Chargers haven’t been in the Playoffs since 2009 and contrary to their past playbook are primarily a running team.  This will be interesting since the Bengals are tough against the rush, giving up only about 100 yards a game on average.  The Chargers are one of the original AFL teams and are currently the only NFL team in Southern California since the Rams decamped Los Angeles in 1994.  If you want to find a reason to hate them, they employ Manti Te’o of the dead girlfriend hoax fame.  You remember that one don’t you?

One of the enduring stories of Notre Dame’s 2012 season was Te’o’s strong play following the death of his grandmother and girlfriend… In January 2013, the sports blog Deadspin revealed that the existence and death of his girlfriend had been faked. An acquaintance of Te’o confessed to orchestrating a hoax that lured Te’o into an online relationship with a nonexistent woman.

The other big plot line is snow in Brown Stadium (I’ll give the Bengals that, it’s still named after Paul Brown and not some faceless corporation).  Some are predicting it in buckets, others that it will be warm enough to be just freezing rain.  It shouldn’t handicap either team, the Bengals play in crappy lake effect weather all season long and some of the Chargers’ biggest victories this season have been outside in the cold.

2014 Thowball Wild Card- Saints @ Evils

Yes, that’s spelled right.

Once again an easy pick as to who to hate more for me.  You see, the Evils play in my Division against my favorite team, the Giants.  They’d have to be playing the ‘Boys or some even more execrable team to get me to root for them.

The Saints on the other hand are remembered fondly despite being no better or worse than most and a legendary record of failure because of their performance after Katrina.  There is speculation they might suffer because of the weather, but it’s not snowing now and it’s not as cold as it was (which was very).

I will give the Evils this however, their fans are loyal and turn out.  Of the 4 Wild Card games this was the only one not in danger of a TV Blackout.

In his Divisional Playoffs 2014 Trash Talk bmaz at emptywheel bemoans this phenomena (and he’s no John McCain) and the various excuses offered but by far the best commentary is from Peterr of Firedog Lake in a private email that bmaz shares-

Reading some of the news stories about this over breakfast, various folks point to the cost of tickets and the prevalence of 55 inch flat screens at home as reasons for people not going.

This strikes me as yet another symptom of the two-tier economic world we’re in these days. For all the 1%ers who have enjoyed the rise in the stock market and have plenty of money to throw around, there are still a lot of lunchpail fans for whom $100+ for the cheapest ticket is still too much, and a lot of other fans who used to carry lunchbuckets whom no job means no tickets either. The NFL is increasingly becoming a rich fan’s sport – PSLs, high ticket prices, higher parking/amenities fees, more games leaving broadcast TV for ESPN on basic cable or the pricier NFL Red Zone cable channel, over-the-top merchandise prices, etc.

Even if all three of these games do get sold out at the last minute, it’s a sign of real problems in the economy generally and the NFL specifically when selling out playoff games goes down to the last minute.

2014 Thowball Wild Card- Chiefs @ Colts

Well, its that time of year again and I’ll start off with a familiar observation, unless one of your favorites is in the chase it’s not so much about which team you like as it is about which team you hate more.

In this game my choice is obvious.  I really, really hate the way Irsay blackmailed Baltimore before moving to Indianapolis, which, while I’m sure it’s a great city and all is simply a blot of population in the middle of what in Michigan (where admittedly we have no love lost for Hoosiers) is called ‘cow country’ that in no way compares with the Baltimore – Washington market.  It was a deeply cynical and manipulative ploy I hope stains the Bolts franchise for the rest of it’s history.

Which is not to say I like the Chiefs which is a franchise storied only for their consistent record of futility, but at least they’re not carpetbaggers.  As the Dallas Texans they were one of the original AFL franchises and relocated to Kansas City in 1963 in the face of overwhelming competition from the much to be despised ‘Boys.  They’ve only ever been owned by the Hunt family of oil baron fame and despite being one of the objectively weakest teams in the league are valued at $1 Billion.

I’ll note for hahas that some incredibly optimistic Chiefs fan has already named them the 2013 Champions which demonstrates ‘wikiality’ for you Colbert aficionados.  In fact the Champions last year were the Baltimore Ravens and the Chief’s last playoff appearance was in 2011 when they lost in the Wild Card round to them.

Another opening observation I’d like to make is that starting out in the Wild Card round isn’t the enormous handicap that it is in Major League Baseball.  In Baseball in all the other rounds it’s not one and out, but in Throwball that’s the way it always is.

The Rose Parade

Perhaps I shall write more later.

In the meantime this is sufficient.

Nine Inch Nails

So glad you asked.

You want to know my secret?  I’m angry all the time. – Bruce Banner

Yeah, Happy New Year’s Rocking Eve

Lyrics below so you sing along.

Boxing Day

Boxing Day.

On the day after Christmas…

  • In feudal times the lord of the manor would give boxes of practical goods such as cloth, grains, and tools to the serfs who lived on his land.
  • Many years ago on the day after Christmas servants would carry boxes to their employers when they arrived for their day’s work. Their employers would then put coins in the boxes as special end-of-year gifts.
  • In churches, it was traditional to open the church’s donation box on Christmas Day and distribute it to the poorer or lower class citizens on the next day.

Take your pick.

In the world of retail Boxing Day is the day everyone brings back all the crap they got for gifts that they didn’t want or is the wrong size or the wrong color or that they shoplifted and now want full retail for instead of the 10% that the local fence will give them.

Now fortunately for me I never had to work the counter during this period of long lines and testy, hung over sales people and managers dealing with irate customers who think that making their sob story more pitiful than the last one will get them any treatment more special than what everyone gets.

  1. Is it all there?
  2. Is it undamaged?
  3. Did you buy it here?

Bingo, have some store credit.  Go nuts.  Have a nice day.

What makes it especially crappy for the clerks is that you don’t normally get a lot of practice with the return procedures because your manager will handle it since it’s easier than training you.  Now you have 20 in a row and the first 7 or 8 are slow until you get the hang of things.

As a customer I have to warn you, this is not a swap meet.  If they didn’t have a blue size 6 on Christmas Eve, they don’t have it now either EVEN IF THE CUSTOMER RIGHT AHEAD OF YOU IN LINE JUST RETURNED A SIZE 6 IN BLUE!

It has to go back to the warehouse for processing and re-packaging.  Really.

So if you braved the surly stares today you have my admiration for your tenacity.  If you waited for the rush to pass my respect for your brilliance.

But don’t wait too long.  It all has to be out of the store before February inventory so it doesn’t have to be counted.

Surprised?

Uh, no. No, not – not really.

Marley was dead.

Marley was dead: to begin with.  There is no doubt whatever about that.  The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner.  Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge’s name was good upon ‘Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to.  Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Mind!  I don’t mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.  But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country’s done for.  You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

Scrooge knew he was dead?  Of course he did. How could it be otherwise?  Scrooge and he were partners for I don’t know how many years.  Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend and sole mourner.  And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an undoubted bargain.

The mention of Marley’s funeral brings me back to the point I started from.  There is no doubt that Marley was dead.  This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.  If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet’s Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot — say Saint Paul’s Churchyard for instance — literally to astonish his son’s weak mind.

Scrooge never painted out Old Marley’s name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Scrooge and Marley.  The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley.  Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names: it was all the same to him.

Oh!  But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grind- stone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner!  Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster.  The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shriveled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice.  A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin.  He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dogdays; and didn’t thaw it one degree at Christmas.

External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge.  No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him.  No wind that blew was bitterer than he, no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose, no pelting rain less open to entreaty.  Foul weather didn’t know where to have him.  The heaviest rain, and snow, and hail, and sleet, could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect.  They often “came down” handsomely, and Scrooge never did.

Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, “My dear Scrooge, how are you?  When will you come to see me?”  No beggars implored him to bestow a trifle, no children asked him what it was o’clock, no man or woman ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a place, of Scrooge.  Even the blind men’s dogs appeared to know him; and when they saw him coming on, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts; and then would wag their tails as though they said, “No eye at all is better than an evil eye, dark master!”

But what did Scrooge care?  It was the very thing he liked.  To edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance, was what the knowing ones call “nuts” to Scrooge.

Once upon a time — of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve — old Scrooge sat busy in his counting-house.  It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal: and he could hear the people in the court outside go wheezing up and down, beating their hands upon their breasts, and stamping their feet upon the pavement stones to warm them.  The city clocks had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already — it had not been light all day: and candles were flaring in the windows of the neighbouring offices, like ruddy smears upon the palpable brown air.  The fog came pouring in at every chink and keyhole, and was so dense without, that although the court was of the narrowest, the houses opposite were mere phantoms.  To see the dingy cloud come drooping down, obscuring everything, one might have thought that Nature lived hard by, and was brewing on a large scale.

The door of Scrooge’s counting-house was open that he might keep his eye upon his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond, a sort of tank, was copying letters.  Scrooge had a very small fire, but the clerk’s fire was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal.  But he couldn’t replenish it, for Scrooge kept the coal-box in his own room; and so surely as the clerk came in with the shovel, the master predicted that it would be necessary for them to part.  Wherefore the clerk put on his white comforter, and tried to warm himself at the candle; in which effort, not being a man of a strong imagination, he failed.



This lunatic, in letting Scrooge’s nephew out, had let two other people in.  They were portly gentlemen, pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their hats off, in Scrooge’s office.  They had books and papers in their hands, and bowed to him.

“Scrooge and Marley’s, I believe,” said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list.  “Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?”

“Mr. Marley has been dead these seven years,” Scrooge replied.  “He died seven years ago, this very night.”

“We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner,” said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.

It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits.  At the ominous word “liberality,” Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.

“At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge,” said the gentleman, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and Destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time.  Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.”

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.  “Plenty of prisons,” said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.  “And the Union workhouses?”  demanded Scrooge.  “Are they still in operation?”  “They are.  Still,” returned the gentleman, “I wish I could say they were not.”  “The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said Scrooge.  “Both very busy, sir.”

“Oh!  I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,” said Scrooge.  “I’m very glad to hear it.”

“Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,” returned the gentleman, “a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink and means of warmth.  We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices.  What shall I put you down for?”

“Nothing!” Scrooge replied.

“You wish to be anonymous?”

“I wish to be left alone,” said Scrooge.  “Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer.  I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry.  I help to support the establishments I have mentioned — they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

“Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”  “If they would rather die,” said Scrooge, “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.  Besides — excuse me — I don’t know that.”  “But you might know it,” observed the gentleman.  “It’s not my business,” Scrooge returned.  “It’s enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people’s.  Mine occupies me constantly.  Good afternoon, gentlemen!”

Marley’s Ghost

The First of the Three Spirits

The Second of the Three Spirits

The Last of the Spirits

Why is there never any Rum?  Oh, that’s why.

The End of It

Cranberry Canes

A holiday tradition at my house, I enjoy them any time of year.

Cranberry Canes are basically a stuffed yeast bread roll up, like a Cinnamon Roll.  It’s the presentation of twisting the prepared strips and putting a crook at one end that gives them their distinctive appearance.  There are 3 basic elements-

Dough:

Scald 1 Cup Milk, cool to lukewarm
In a large bowl combine:

4 Cups Unsifted All Purpose Flour

1/2 Cup Sugar

1 Teaspoon Salt

1 Teaspoon Grated Lemon Zest

Cut in 1 Cup (2 Sticks) Margarine until like coarse meal
Dissolve 1 Package of Dry Yeast in 1/4 Cup Warm Water
To Flour Mixture add Yeast, Milk, 2 Beaten Eggs.  Combine lightly, dough will be sticky.
Cover dough tightly and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.  When ready to bake prepare filling.

Filling:

In a pot or pan combine:

3 Cups finely chopped Cranberries (about 2 12 oz. bags, freeze before chopping)

1 Cup Rasins (about a 16 oz box)

2/3 Cup Chopped Pecans

2/3 Cup Honey

3 Teaspoons Grated Orange Zest

2 Cups Sugar

Bring to a smimmer over Medium heat.  Cook for about 5 minutes.  Cool.

Frosting:

A basic buttercream flavored with some frozen concentrated Orange Juice.

Preparation:

Divide dough in half.  On a floured board roll out the half into an 18″ x 15″ rectangle.
Spread half the filling on the dough.  Fold dough into a 3 layer strip 15″ long and about 6″ wide.
Cut dough into 1″ strips.
Holding the ends of each strip twist lightly in opposite directions.  Pinch ends to seal.  Place on greased baking sheet, shaping the top of each strip to form a cane.
Repeat with remaining dough and filling.
Bake in a hot oven, 400 degrees, 10 to 15 minutes or until done.
Cool on racks and frost.

Henry Potter

For the rest of us.

 photo f8ea703c-0f2e-42fd-ab9f-9455b7f58a8e_zps1b3e5b10.jpgSometime around December 23rd, but canonically any time between December and May, we celebrate Festivus.

Symbolically represented by the Festivus Pole (seen at right) an unadorned aluminium pole between 3′ to 6′ high stuck in some drab and out of the way corner.  It can be used as a weapon and frequently is.  Traditionally it is stark and entirely unadorned and the stand crudely fashioned.  Under no circumstances should any ‘presents’ be placed near it unless they’re of the sort a too long ignored pet would leave.

There are several rituals that accompany the celebration of Festivus.

Festivus Dinner

A Festivus Dinner menu is typical of any other holiday, Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef, Lamb, with the customary sides poorly cooked and resentfully served.  It’s rarely if ever eaten and instead used as weapons which explains why it’s frequently over cooked to flaccid sogginess except in fundamentalist circles where a Ham Bone or Lamb Shank becomes an instrument of murderous intent.  It is often accompanied by copious consumption of alcohol (well, in fairness, the food is inedible).

The Airing of Grievances

The Airing of Grievances takes place immediately after the Festivus dinner has been served (but frequently before any of it is actually consumed).  It consists of each person lashing out at others and the world about how they have been abused and disappointed in the past year, particularly the other Festivus celebrants.  It often ends in insults that lead to life long resentment and violence.

Feats of Strength

The most misunderstood of the Festivus rituals, there is only one Feat of Strength.  The head of the household picks a challenger and engages in a wrestling match.  They typically pick the weakest first.  This continues until the head of the household is defeated.

That concludes the essential rituals of Festivus.  Now you might think that defeat of the head of the household results in ceremonial bragging rights or change of some sort.

No.

It is essentially pointless as is the rest of the Festivus celebration which is, in fact, entirely the point.

No hugging.  No learning.

Here’s hoping your Festivus is uninterrupted by visits from ‘Law’ Enforcement Officers or trips to the Emergency Room.

Cartnoon

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