This is a bit of a departure in that I almost always write about things that have occurred in the past. Tonight is is about something that is scheduled to happen in future. I do not know about all of your tastes, but a cruise does not ring my bell as the ideal vacation for several reasons.
First, I like to make my own decisions. That is why road trips are good. You can go wherever you want, for good or ill, but the choice is yours. The driver(s) control the destination. On a cruise, that is not possible unless disaster strikes.
Second, with a self directed trip, one can choose his or her companions. That is not possible on a cruise. One never knows who will be in the next cabin.
Third, if one is driving, one can just stop and reconsider what is going on, and if one is not enjoying the trip, can turn around and just go home. That is not possible on a sea cruise, unless one becomes violently ill (and that happens more often that the corporations that arrange them would like people to know).
With no more ado, here is my nightmare of a cruise from Hell. The thing is just this: I did not make it up from whole cloth. It is being advertised on the Fox “News” Channel! Here we go!