Tag: ptsd

cross posted from DailyKos diary of Tue Dec 04, 2007 at 06:58:43 PM EST

http://www.dailykos.com/story/…

Wouldn’t have posted two in a row on my first day here except it was myself I pushed down the line of diaries-:)

“Do you support the troops?”  I thought it was a simple yes-or-no question when I asked it in a DKos open thread.  The first five responders said yes, and a couple of them seemed baffled as to how I could even ask this and added, “Of course!”  Then I got the following comment.

What do you mean by support?  Do we value their lives, and believe those lives should not be lost in a futile and unjustified war?  Sure, of course.  But “support” – what do you mean?  It’s such a right-wing talking point, who does or does not “support the troops.”  Too many right-wingers believe that they “support” the troops by supporting the agenda of the war – as if, per the Tinker bell [sic] theory, if only every American believed in the Iraq war, then we would certainly win it and the troops could come home.  I also quibble with whether “support the troops” is supposed equate [sic] with “support the acts and conduct” of the troops in Iraq.

Thus, here we are with a diary in which I can explain my “simple” question.  I’ll explain, based on the thoughts of current and former Iraq and Afghanistan soldiers, and on my military experience (non-combat) from 1979 to 1982, what soldiers and veterans themselves think “supporting the troops” really means.

This diary is primarily for these readers:  1) those who would say “Of course!” without really analyzing what this means,  2) those who feel the same as the individual quoted above, 3) anyone who is not sure of their support for the troops, and 4) anyone who does not support the troops but feels open-minded on the subject.

Look for the poll at the end that reflects these points of view.

For the record, I am against the war in Iraq. I believe Bushco’s decision to invade Iraq will be seen by future generations as one of the worst decisions ever made in the history of our nation. I want the troops out of Iraq ASAP. I do not believe it is possible to win the war in Iraq. I denounce any torture. I believe Guantanamo should be closed. I believe what happened at Abu Ghraib was an atrocity, including the fact that the lower ranking individuals were too harshly punished and the higher-ups who ordered those types of torture–specifically outlined in selectively disseminated manuals–should have been punished. I loathe Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Rove. I will vote only for whoever is the Democratic nominee for POTUS in 2008.

That said–“Do You Really Support the Troops?

We can empathize, and imagine being in another’s shoes. We believe we know how we’d react in theoretical circumstances. But in reality it is impossible to know what we would do until we are actually confronted with the specific situation. Some deep, emotional, life-changing and unique experiences of any “group” absolutely can not be fully understood without having lived their experiences.

I am not African American so it is impossible for me to fully understand what it is like to be African American, and the prejudices, social, economic or life experiences of being African American. I am a recovering alcoholic (22 years sober on January 1, 2007). If you are not an alcoholic, it is impossible for you to fully understand this aspect of me. I am not gay, so it is impossible for me to fully understand what it is like to be gay, and the prejudices, social, economic or life experiences of being gay. I suffer from TBI (traumatic brain injury) and if you do not have this issue, it is impossible for you to fully understand what it is like for me. I am not a woman so it is impossible for me to fully understand what it is like to be a woman and vice versus.

You get my point. These are all multi-faceted issues. No matter how we think we would handle our lives, if we don’t have those experiences there is absolutely no way for any of us to truly know how we would react, behave, or perceive life. We do not know what decisions we would or would not make as a result.  

I have one more. If you have never been in the military, it is impossible for you to fully understand those of us who have. If you have not been in a war, in combat, it is impossible for you to fully understand what it is like for those who have. Although I understand so much of military life, I was not in combat; I accept my inability to truly understand that experience.

Now here are thoughts and feelings of a man who is currently serving our nation in Iraq.

It is my belief that a great deal of the American public believe that ALL military personnel WANT to be over here doing what we are doing. What they don’t understand is the old saying that “no one hates a war as much as a Soldier hates a war”. We are sent to do the dirty work for someone that is not willing to do it those selves. We didn’t ask for it, and never got a vote in it but we made a commitment to do it. Unfortunately the U.S. military is the only one at war. The rest of the government, and the country for that matter, are not really involved and that is the greatest shame of it all.

When I asked if I could use his comment; here is his revealing response.

Sir, please feel free to use my post if it will help get the true message out about how we feel over here and using my ID is fine as well if you need to. And please include the fact that the “overwhelming” majority of Captains and Majors I work around and with are of the same mind. I am not sure who the Congressmen speak to when they visit here but they would be surprised if they actually talked to someone that was not “handpicked” to give them the party line.

I could have done without the “Sir.” I worked for a living! 🙂 This is an old service joke; “Sir” is how we refer to commissioned officers; I was a sergeant, an NCO.

I sincerely appreciate this soldier’s honesty. He goes a long way in clarifying why service members join the military; there are purely personal reasons but for most there is an overriding sense of duty and loyalty to our country and to the Constitution. After 9/11 many enlistments were out of patriotism, a desire to protect our nation–you and I–from terrorists.

Whether or not you believe that terrorism is a threat to our nation, many of those who joined the military in the years after 9/11 believed with all their heart and soul that it was. Call them fools, call them naive, call them conned–the fact is they believed and therefore they truly had the most honorable, heroic, patriotic and noble of intentions. I believe were we all as willing to put our life on the line for our beliefs our nation would be far better off.

Now, try to imagine you believed as they did and you enlisted in the year or two after 9/11. You are in Iraq for a year and you realize this is a war we never should have started, a war we cannot win. We are in the middle of an Iraqi civil war. The Iraqi police, military and politicians are not stepping up to the plate. Here’s an assessment from a soldier in a position to know.

The “democratically” elected government of Iraq (GOI) is doing FAR more than dragging ass . . .  this is as close as I can get to the truth of it.  

There is a problem  

GOI asks us to fix the problem  

We tell them to fix it themselves, here is the money  

Problem remains unfixed  

We say we will fix the problem, give us the money back  

They give us 1/3 of the money back and say the rest was used

to think of a way to fix the problem  

We fix the problem with [more of] our own money  

There is a problem

Starting to get the picture? Things like this make me a real fan of “Baptism by Fire” for this “democratically” elected government.  As long as we keep doing for them, they have no reason to do it themselves.

The vast majority of your own nation is against this war. American politicians are using you for political gain on each side of the aisle. What do you do?

If you have not ever been in the military and you really believe you can answer this question without a doubt, you are simply fooling yourself. If you want to try to walk a mile in their boots, I will attempt to help you do so. You might learn what kind of boots they are wearing. . If you are open- minded, you might be able to discern the make of the boot. I myself haven’t had the experience, so you still won’t know the exact model boot. That is as close as my words can get you to “walking a mile in their boots”.

Remember, you raised your right hand to God and you swore this oath:

I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

Remember, you went through seven weeks to 12 weeks of basic training. You were brainwashed. You were broken down and rebuilt. The beliefs (patriotism, national security, defend our people) you already held, were driven deeper and deeper.

Remember, you have become like a brother, a sister, a father to ten, twenty, thirty or more men and women who have saved your life on several occasions, and you theirs.

Remember, you have shared with these brothers- and sisters-in-arms the deaths of others in your “family.” You saw some of your “family” blown into pieces by an explosion. You put their body parts in body bags. You put a tourniquet on your friend’s stump when his leg was blown off. You started her I.V. and tried initial life saving techniques. You sat next to him as he squeezed your hand and screamed in horrendous pain; you told her she was going to be all right even though you were not sure.

One night you had a few beers with one of your “best friends”, someone you knew you would keep in touch with the rest of your life, if you both survived this debacle! You laughed and joked and exchanged stories about stupid things you did at home when you were drunk. The next morning you were together in a Humvee making a routine patrol when you heard gunfire closer than usual. You turned to check your buddy, as always. You saw that most of his head had disappeared, like JFK’s in those final frames of Zapruder’s film.

Remember all that you have read since I asked that question, unanswerable for a non-combat veteran. What do you do? Consider your limited options. Still think you know for sure what you would do?

This, from the person who asked me what I meant by “support the troops,” sticks with me.

I also quibble with whether “support the troops” is supposed [sic] equate with “support the acts and conduct” of the troops in Iraq.

I wonder if this person believes that what he or she thinks his or her conduct would be in circumstances unimaginable in the worst nightmares. If this person is sure of that hypothetical conduct, if anyone is, that person is a fool.  

This is my first post on DocuDharma. It is cross posted from a DailyKos essay (of Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 10:51:54 AM EST)

http://www.dailykos.com/story/… I have about 30 diaries on DailyKos. I will not be cross posting them all (that’s good for you). Only the ones I think were my better ones and/or got good response. I want to thank my friend “boadicaea” for turning me on to this site and also her assistance in the last few weeks with helping me with my disjointed, repetitive and lengthy wtiting style. I have read a lot on Docudharma in the last 24hrs and really like what I read and the atmosphere of the community. Expect to see me here daily. I look forward to the day when Docudharma has the membership of sites like DailyKos (150K members), and I know it will, and I can then be an “old timer” with an ID under 1100-:)

I went to the Veterans Administration hospital yesterday for a routine appointment that was to be just a quick check-in with my doc & off I go.

The main point of this diary is about our military personnel. The unfair situations they are faced with & the amazing commitment of many. There are other issues within my blabbering. It wouldn’t be a TominMaine diary without some rambling & personal items wrapped around the issues.

I have an appointment at the VA about once a month between my many doctors. I had to see my doctor who monitors my TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury from an auto accident in 1999.

Without VA health & prescription (22 meds) coverage, my SSDI & my wife’s meager wages (she has no health insurance), we might be living in the attic of my mom’s house. With myself, my wife, 2 dogs & a cat, it would be cramped in that drafty, smelly attic in an old New England house built over 100 years ago. The attic would be better than the cellar with the stone walls & it looks like something out of “Silence of the Lambs”. I also know my mom would push me from mild bi-polar disorder to complete insanity.

I am luckier than the 47 million uninsured who could face such horrors and worse.

None of my many medical issues are life threatening. They are an inconvenience to living “normal”, I am always in at least some pain, they are often frustrating and a pain in the ass, but we all have our cross to bare and I don’t want to trade mine for anyone else’s. I know how to live with mine and remain happy and content.

Because of the several benefits I am entitled to, I am much luckier than many millions in our country. I take some time each day to give thought to this fact. Usually during my early morning regiment. Today though, I spent my morning time thinking more about my “simple” visit yesterday to the VA hospital. BTW, my pets are part of my whole morning routine also.  

Every morning when I get up, I am greeted by my two dogs and my cat. They rise with great anticipation of going out and then getting fed. They all three shadow me around as I go through my morning rituals of about 15 minutes. They know this proceeds their pleasures. When done with my routine, I pour my first cup of coffee, and to my pet’s delight, we head out the door. They do what animals do first thing in the morning and then they wander through the woods a little. While they do that, I view the early morning here in the deep woods of Maine. The quiet and serenity allows me some time to think about things.

My cat goes out with us each morning for this daily routine. She thinks she is a dog. When she is out alone, she always comes home when I call her. In the afternoon, if I’m feeling o.k., we take a walk in and around the woods. She always comes on these walks with the dogs and I. When she is out alone and wants to come in, she paws the screen door so it sounds like someone knocking softly. If I don’t hear it, the dogs will start barking and let me know. Like me, she is not “normal” and kinda unique. Some photos for your viewing pleasure.

ALL THREE ON A WALK.

http://i239.photobucket.com/al…

PENZA (named after a city in Russia)

http://i239.photobucket.com/al…

WALTER

http://i239.photobucket.com/al…

OREO

http://i239.photobucket.com/al…

Reflecting on my trip to the VA yesterday, I thought of the people I spoke to, the things I learned and the emotions I felt. I thought maybe this would make a decent diary. You can decide that.

While I waited to see my doctor, I got a flu shot. The guy giving shots was a volunteer. He is also an active duty Major in the Army. Since I had a little time to wait for my doctor, we talked about numerous military and political issues.

He told me about an Army General that he knew who was an expert on the middle east. When Bush was planning the attack on Iraq, this General was one of the few with the guts to adamantly and quite vocally disagree with attacking Iraq. He gave Bush a kinda “in your face” explanation of the realities of attacking Iraq. He predicted exactly what is happening today. He said the only way this wouldn’t happen was if we dedicated 600,000 troops to Iraq and we would probably have to keep most of them there for many years. That General “retired” a month later. They are not all Petraus. Rest assured, before he said his piece, that General knew what the results would be. He still said it with all that was on the line for he and his family. That’s a big set of balls with a dose of courage and some honor thrown in. That General was a true commander and patriot who cared about his troops. God, I wish I was there for that.

The Major and I got around to talking about a personal issue that is important to me and I think all Americans should know about it. We talked about our soldiers in Iraq/Afghanistan returning with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).

Since I have TBI and so do many soldiers returning from Iraq/Afghanistan (65%), I have researched this problem extensively. Another major side effect that has been caused by Bushco’s debacle.

I was very glad to hear from the Major about a new VA program that is to be SOP (standard operating procedure) at all VA hospitals. Every soldier returning from Iraq and Afghanistan is put through a battery of tests for PTSD, mental health issues and TBI to see if they need help or are fit to return to the front line. About fucking time this was done.

I thought the Major’s information was excellent news. During my research, I read that the military was working on this testing but I had not heard that it had been implemented.

It was a little ironic to have this conversation yesterday with the Major. After many hours of research, on the morning of 11/02 (1 wk ago today) I posted a diary about TBI and our returning Vets (I will cross post to Docudharma). This is an issue our nation should be concerned about. The impact on our military capabilities could be devastating. TBI has become known as the “signature injury” of this war. The term TBI will soon be as well known as the term PTSD. Some estimate that there could be as many as 65% of Vets returning from Iraq/Afghanistan suffer from TBI.

Besides the good news of the testing, there was one other thing the Major told me that had a strong emotional impact on me.

The word is getting around amongst the troops about possible ways to “fool” the testing.

NO, not to fake that they have these illness’, just the opposite. Some soldiers who may have PTSD, mental health issues or TBI, want to “pass” the test and be allowed to return to the front. The military is now aware of this and is fortunately making adjustments to make it more difficult for them to “fool” the testing.

I know, this seems pretty fucking crazy to “civilians”. I think maybe you would have to have served to truly understand this irrational behavior.

The majority of these young men and women don’t speak much about the politics of the war. Few talk much about if it is right or wrong. Many believe these things are none of their business.

“mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do and die.” Alfred, Lord Tennyson

This is in spite of the fact that they all know exactly what is being said at home in the USA about the war and the government.  

Each of these men and women stood in front of an American flag and a military officer told them to raise their right hand and repeat after me: “I, (NAME), do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God”.

The vast majority in the military don’t take this oath lightly. It becomes a part of them even if many can not repeat it word for word. Their commitment to the military is a matter of honor, pride and a personal promise to themselves, their nation and their God. Mostly, there is a deep sense of loyalty to their fellow soldiers that impacts much of their bahavior.

If only 50% of our politicians took their oath of office as seriously and deeply as the majority of these brave men and women do, then our country wouldn’t be in the fucking mess it is in right now. Then again, most politicians today don’t have the morals, ethics, courage, personal pride or loyalty to their fellow workers or constituents of most in the military.

As stated, even more compelling for those who want to “fool” the test, is a sense of responsibility to those “friends” they left at the battlefront. A felling of guilt for leaving their comrades in arms. A desire to return to help protect those who helped to protect them.

These men and women make huge sacrifices for you and I and our country. When, where or why there is a war is irrelevant when we are talking about the individuals who serve. When talking about those who defend our country against real enemies or some moron politicians perceived, imaginary, manufactured or fictitious enemies, our military men and women must do their duty. Regardless of the stupidity and futility of Iraq, these individuals deserve our respect and appreciation. They need us to speak out for them. Most absolutely will not say negative things about the futility of their mission or the ineptitude of Bushco while they are on active duty. It just is not done by most regardless of what they think, it is blasphemy. Most of them know the realities of this insanity. It is also punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) which also applies to most for two years after “actice duty” ends and they are “on reserve”. They need us to fight for the benefits they earned and deserve. They need us to fight for the quality medical care they deserve when they come home. They need us to do everything we can to end this war. Most importantly, we must insist, demand and ensure the politicians we elect support all these things our soldiers deserve.

Because I live in Maine with such a small population (1.2million), I don’t see a lot of Iraq/Afghanistan Vets when I go to the VA. I probably average seeing one each time I go to the VA hospital. I always try to speak with each one I see.

I told you about the Major who was just giving me a flu shot yesterday. We ended up having a 20 minute wide ranging conversation that educated me and affected me. By coincidence we discussed an issue very important to me that I posted a diary about that very issue just a week before. This was not something I expected when going to a simple appointment at the VA yesterday.

Something to think about this Saturday morning

promoted by ek hornbek

There’s a piece being written on in a number of blogs about a poll that indicates Bush has little support among military families, who probably are not going to vote for a Republican president next year.  It’s surprising to a lot of people who think of the military as an undifferentiated mass that gets told what to do (which is true) and how to think (they get told, but most eventually believe their experience instead).  Their families get lumped in there, too.

Those families used to vote the way their military members did, and military members used to uniformly (sorry) support “conservative” candidates.  I grew up in a military family, right after World War II.  I thought what I was told to think, that conservatism equaled patriotism, until I had enough education and work experience to know differently.  The votes of these families are going to reflect painful and terribly unjust personal experiences.

Any other subject and I would be able to write an essay about defeating a Republican into a masterpiece of clever snark.  This subject encompasses too much pain, too much suffering, and too much destruction.  The magnitude of what has happened to these families, the stories that underly the result of that poll, are just too awful.  I won’t  be able to touch it here, but I offer links that can get readers close, and I defer to them for a description of the ordeals that military families endure.