Tag: sausage grinder of snark

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

More Knowledge College

History

Film Making

Tonightly it’s ‘Getaway Thursday’, but our panelists are Vincent Kartheiser, Robin Thede, and Rory Albanese.

Continuity

Jordan Klepper Part Deux (Uncensored)

Next week I’m afraid we’re on vacation.  Oh well, more time for a teary David Letterman goodbye.

Rebel Wilson decided to become an actress after a bout of malaria in South Africa while she was a Rotary Youth Ambassador.  She’s Australian and has extensive list of credits on Australian TV as well as U.S. television and films.  She’ll be on to talk about reprising her role as Fat Amy in 2012’s Pitch Perfect in this year’s Pitch Perfect 2.  She’s no longer fits the name very well since she dropped 22 pounds during the filming of Pitch Perfect before being forbidden by the producers to lose any more (continuity, you know) and is now close to her target weight.  She attributes her success to Jenny Craig for which she filmed several commercials before ending her agreement with them.

Maybe that’s where they get the ‘entrepreneur’ from, otherwise there’s not a hint of it in her Wikipedia write up (she’s written, produced, and directed several shows, but that’s not usually called entrepreneurship in the biz they call show).

Reza Aslan’s 2 part web exclusive extended interview and the real news below.

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Commencement Season

Soul Daddy interviews Morgan Freeman

Tonightly it’s ‘Mystery Topic’, but our panelists are Joel McHale, Lola Ogunnaike, and Ahmed Ahmed.

Continuity

Kristen Shaal

This week’s guests-

• Wednesday 5/13: Reza Aslan
• Thursday 5/14: Rebel Wilson

Reza Aslan will probably be on to talk about Of Kings and Prophets, a new ABC series based on the life of King Saul.  He will be one of the producers.  His last 2 books, No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam and Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth were critically well received except on Faux and he has a noted celebrity feud with Bill Maher.

Tom Brokaw’s web exclusive extended interview and the real news below.

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Accidental

Intentional

Tonightly- Special Guest: Morgan Freeman.  Panelists Dan Savage, Alexandra Wentworth, and Kerry Poppins; topics: updates on George Zimmerman and the panel discusses a sex study, whatever that means.

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Jordan Klepper

This week’s guests-

• Tuesday 5/12: Tom Brokaw
• Wednesday 5/13: Reza Aslan
• Thursday 5/14: Rebel Wilson

I wonder what Tom Brokaw will be on to speak about since he’s already made it quite clear that Brian Williams is off limits.

Probably about A Lucky Life Interrupted, his new book

The real news below.

Your Mama

Tonightly we have softball (not that it doesn’t happen often enough) with Will Packer, Rachel Feinstein, and Mike Yard (who presumably can hit for it).

Continuity

Deflategate

Oh, you didn’t seriously think I’d pass up an opportunity to talk about steroid abuse and the serious consequences it has to your health and sex life.

This week’s guests-

• Monday 5/11: John Legend
• Tuesday 5/12: Tom Brokaw
• Wednesday 5/13: Reza Aslan
• Thursday 5/14: Rebel Wilson

John Legend is probably on to talk about Lip Sync Battle and I am going to indulge you with a little rant of mine.

You see, the last concert I was at (though the company was engaging and we both had a good time I hope) was a totally horrid affair where I was herded into a barn-like expanse with nary a scrap of seat $10 nachos and $8 beer if you cared enough to stand in line for about an hour.

Then the acts started and it was just like a badly synced video (and I’ve produced enough to know) as the perfomers came on stage and danced listlessly and hardly bothered to pretend their cordless mole mikes and intruments were even turned on.

In short it was just like getting stoned in your skeevy friend’s basement and watching them dance around in their underwear playing air guitar to an 8 track that had been sitting on the dashboard for far too long and paying $100 for the privilege.

Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture mind you, but I suspect even my host was vastly disappointed and if they’re reading this (which is possible) I want to emphasise I’m grateful for the experience and the company.  On the other hand I’ll not be buying tickets to an Arianna Grande concert any time soon as much as I admire her talent as a singer and actress.

Girl, you know it’s true.

Two Mumford & Sons web exclusive videos below.  That and the real news.

Kings County

Jacque Reid, the Lucas Brothers, Lavell Crawford, and Ricky Valez will be appearing tonightly.

Continuity

Al Madrigal

And because I can’t resist-

New Yoik v. New Joisey

Next week’s guests-

• Monday 5/11: John Legend
• Tuesday 5/12: Tom Brokaw
• Wednesday 5/13: Reza Aslan
• Thursday 5/14: Rebel Wilson

Mumford & Sons, despite the name, only has one Mumford, Marcus.  They play a kind of electrified folk music and have a new album out, Wilder Mind.

Ernest Moniz gets a 2 part web exclusive extended interview.  That and the real news below.

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Unburied

Tonightly- Can Carly Fiorina beat Hillary?  I dunno.  Does Amy Schumer look like Marylin Monroe?  Remember- Marylin was a size 8 and Amy is size 6.  Or is the United States ready for a failed CEO with no government experience and who has never won an election.  Perhaps they all merge into a blonde blur as you masturbate while drinking yourself to sleep with your glasses off.

Susie Essman, Nicolle Wallace, and Holly Walker will be the panel.

Continuity

Your Clown Car

This week’s guests-

• Wednesday 5/6: Ernest Moniz
• Thursday 5/7: Mumford & Sons

Ernest Moniz is the U.S. Secretary of Energy and a Nuclear Physicist.  There are many interesting things he could talk about such as the Universe being a two dimensional field of Space/Time mediated to appear by our perception 3 dimensional.  In short, a hologram.  I prefer 26 dimensional bosonic string theory on the basis that more is better.

What I can almost guarantee he will not be talking about is the recent leaks from the contaminated water tanks at Fukushima.

Interesting factoid- He was the designated survivor during Obama’s 2014 SOTU.

The real news below.

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Jordan Carlos

White Guy Jack

Tribalism

Tonightly the topic is Tamir Rice, you know, the 12 year old African American boy who was shot dead for having a TOY gun just about 2 seconds after the cop car stopped rolling.  Sucks to be Black in the United States I guess, a country of exceptional racism.  You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.  The panelists are Lavell Crawford, Dean Obeidallah, and Shenaz Treasury.

Continuity

Hail, hail, the gang’s all here.

This week’s guests-

• Tuesday 5/5: Willie Nelson
• Wednesday 5/6: Ernest Moniz
• Thursday 5/7: Mumford & Sons

Aw, who cares what Willie Nelson is going to be talking about?  Just make sure you have plenty of munchies and don’t have to take a pee test for the next month or so.

Yup, I really watched the first, in studio, screening of that with Stephen a mere 8 rows in front of me (Which is to say I sat in the back row with him in the front.  It’s not that big a studio.).

Brian Grazer gets a web exclusive extended interview.  And You Get A New Car!  And You!  And You!  You ALL Get New Cars!  That and the real news below.

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Bloods and Crips

Bill Nye the Science Guy will be on to talk about racism.

Oh, and also man nipples.

Continuity

I haz the sads

This week’s guests-

• Monday 5/4: Brian Grazer
• Tuesday 5/5: Willie Nelson
• Wednesday 5/6: Ernest Moniz
• Thursday 5/7: Mumford & Sons

Brian Grazer is a producer meaning that he organizes the money behind creative products such as theater, television, and movies.  I call people like that family and friends and coming sooner than I think is this summer’s exercise in anarchy for which I recieved my first piece of new kit today.

As excited as I am about this project, it deserves it’s own development as my thinking and schedule solidifies.  Brian on the other hand will be on to talk about Heart of the Sea based on the true story of the whaling ship Essex which was the model for Moby Dick (in public domain by the way, you can read the whole text here).

Either that or  his new book A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life.

May the Fourth Be With You.  The real news below.

A cheap imitation of inferior quality.  That’s the gang for me.

The T-Word

Felonious Munk is a new regular.

Larry is on location in Baltimore with the Bloods and Crips.

Continuity

Next week’s guests-

• Monday 5/4: Brian Grazer
• Tuesday 5/5: Willie Nelson
• Wednesday 5/6: Ernest Moniz
• Thursday 5/7: Mumford & Sons

Jon wasted all his time on 2 part web exclusive extended with Judith Miller last night which you will find below so no video.

Kristen Wiig will probably be talking about The Diary of a Teenage Girl.

The real news below.

Yo’ Momma

Tonightly- is “thug” the new n-word?  More on the Baltimore unrest.  You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.  Our panel is BobCostas, Charlamagne, Chloe A. Hillard, and Dios MiGos.

Larry really books the obscure guests.  Get a Wiki page you dopes!

Continuity

Hasan Minhaj

Oh, and a little Trevor Noah (not his best work I’m afraid).

This week’s guests-

• Wednesday 4/29: Judith Miller
• Thursday 4/30: Kristen Wiig

On The Daily Show we continue our parade of media whores, con men, and liars with Judith Miller who has as much blood on her hands as William Randolph Hearst.

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits — a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

Rosebud.

George Stephanopoulos, another asshole who got a web exclusive extended interview.  It and the real news below.

Ugh

Ok, so I missed last night.  It’s a hard time of year for me when seasons change and my allergies have kept me from sleeping well.  But you know, almost everything on The Nightly yesterday was kind of cringe inducing if you have any empathy at all for transpeople starting with the fixation on Bruce Jenner’s private medical choices.

Who cares and it’s none of your damn business you nosey asshole if you do.

When I say almost I mean everything except the scant time Larry devoted to Baltimore where Jon kicked his butt.  Interesting that a white guy from Jersey did a better job than the African-American.  Maybe he’ll make up for it tonight.

Two guests only- Phillip B. Agnew and Seaton Smith.

Continuity

Incest is Best

And from last Thursday, what may be John Hodgman’s final appearance-

The thing’s hollow – it goes on forever – and – oh my God! – it’s full of stars!

This week’s guests-

• Tuesday 4/28: George Stephanopoulos
• Wednesday 4/29: Judith Miller
• Thursday 4/30: Kristen Wiig

Shocked by Blowjobs is an blow dried ingrate airhead in which he differs from the rest of his ilk not at all.

Neil deGrasse Tyson’s 2 part web exclusive extended interview from Thursday and the real news below.