Tag: snark

GBCW (?)

Although I have thoroughly enjoyed my 9 days at Docudharma, the cruel realities of capitalism are beckoning me toward greener pastures.  The blogging world is a cut-throat competition filled with endless choices.  And I have heard the siren song of . . .

Paris Hilton.

She needs a new best friend.  And will stop at nothing to get one.  Her new web site is soliciting new soulmates as we speak.  Applicants need to submit a 90-second video and write a blog entry that appeals to Paris’ short attention span.  Then the concerned public can vote on Paris’ web site to narrow the field to 20 finalists.  We will then all be treated to a new reality show where Paris will choose her BFF from those 20 lucky candidates.

Right Wing Haiku

You know what’s missing on the Intertubes?  (well, if you read my title the cat is already out of the bag)  

Haiku written for the right wing!  

For some inexplicable reason the right has not yet embraced this literary form.  Maybe that’s because right-wingers can’t use the left half of their brains.  Or is it the right half?  OK, they generally don’t use either half.  So being a generous soul, I’m offering some haiku written from a right-wing perspective to get them started.

How Obama Will Screw Up as President

This diary will attempt to detail how Obama will screw up as President.

Think before you vote, people!

Read before you comment, too! 😉

(X-posted at that Other Place)

And I am an undecided voter…

MSNBC Covered Native American Issues Last Tuesday…

At approximately 10:12 p.m. last Tuesday MSNBC covered Native American issues after the presidential debate. “It’s high time we started covering these critical concerns affecting American Indians that are in our own back yard at least as much as we cover what happens across the ocean in other countries,” one MSNBC commentator said. I couldn’t believe my ears as to what they said next.

John McCain: An Australian Manchurian Candidate?

Our friends over on the other side of the aisle are having quite the debate about whether or not to use middle names when referring to Dem candidates, and watching the schism develop between the thinking conservatives and their knuckle-dragging cousins is getting to be some great popschadenfruedecorn fun.  On the rather turgid rec list at RedState, a “blog” entitled To Hussein or not to Hussein… (Danger: RedState) has generated nearly 100 comments – a huge number, by rightroots standards.  The more respectable of the commenters are trying to point out that the meme is rather loud for a dog whistle; they’re up against a contingent that somehow sees repetition as proof that they are not themselves racists.

Best of luck to the side fighting the good fight over there, but the point of this diary isn’t to analyze the Unmasking of the Know-Nothings – it’s to point out what’s being overlooked in the whole debate: That John McCain has a middle name, too!.  And you know what?

It’s Sidney!!!  That’s just ONE LETTER AWAY from spelling SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA!!!

Please join me below the fold for the sounding out of 2008’s latest dog whistle, as well as some disturbing news about our plotting mates from Down Under.

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early!!!

I found this video over at AfterDowningStreet.com. I was looking for something  but found this video instead.  It’s originally from The Onion, I wanted to share it with you all.  If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a good laugh!  Sorry, but I’m going to make this short, my family just started attacking me…I must go play, but I’ll be around to hang out a bit.  How’s every body doin’?

Olbermann Interviews Satan! How He Sees the Coming General Election!

(Olberman in normal, Satan in italics)

And the Number two story on tonight’s Countdown, an in-studio interview with the Lord of Flies himslf, Satan, on the presidential race. Good evening sir and welcome to the show.

It’s good to be here, Keith

Harry Truman’s calculated overreaction!

In a stunning display of shameless political calculation, President Harry Truman angrily threatened a Washington Post music critic for panning a performance by Truman’s daughter, Margaret. As reported by the New York Times, Margaret Truman Daniel openly admitted that her father’s fame helped get her concert gigs, and she had already performed before audiences of more than ten thousand, while millions had listened to her on the radio. When she performed at Washington’s Constitution Hall, in December 1950, she thought she had performed well.

But Paul Hume, the music critic of The Washington Post, while praising her personality, wrote that “she cannot sing very well.”

“She is flat a good deal of the time,” Mr. Hume added, concluding that she had no “professional finish.”

Incensed, President Truman dispatched a combative note to Mr. Hume, who released it to the press.

“I have just read your lousy review,” it said in part, adding: “Some day I hope to meet you. When that happens you’ll need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes, and perhaps a supporter below!”

In the ensuing uproar, reporters pressed Mrs. Daniel for her reaction to her father’s letter. “I’m glad to see that chivalry is not dead,” she told them.

Because it’s well-known that President Truman lacked basic human emotions, his attempt to use his daughter to score political points based on sympathy was much criticized in Democratic blogs.

BREAKING: US Spy Program Targets American Town

FLASH! From your editors at the Weekly Hyperbole.

Our sources have informed us of a stunning new development that outlines and emphasizes the lengths the Bush Administration will go to in their perfidious quest for power. It appears that this time they are preparing a direct assault on American political opponents. In a covert operation that we have heard referred to as Operation Drop Dorothy’s House, US spy agencies have propelled an object thought to be about 13 feet to 16.5 feet across, and weighing a maximum of 10,000 pounds out of orbit and on to a path that will cause it to strike Brattleboro, Vermont.

In a pathetically transparent cover story about decaying orbits, Air Force General Gene Renuart states:

“It’s really just a big thing falling on the ground that we want to make sure we’re prepared for.”

We remain skeptical, General. Very skeptical.

This reporter has found an anonymous source who has this to say. “Yeah man, these cats have been trying to ‘drop a house’ on some dudes for a log ass time. These motherfuckers are sick.”  Before we could obtain more information, our informant finished his cigarette and headed back into the bar…a bar that this reporter has been barred from entering after the previously reported story Reporter Discriminated Against For Political Views, Proprietor Claims  “Dancing Naked On Pool Table,” thus ending the interview.

Bush Declared FL Primary Winner; Democrats Despondent (w/Poll)

Crossposted at Daily Kos

In a stunning political development this evening according to the Associated Press, the Florida Supreme Court has intervened in the Florida Republican Primary and declared George W. Bush the winner over Mitt Romney, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Mike Huckabee.

Senator John McCain, ever the patriot and loyal soldier, had this response


I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d never be able to win in a state full of geezers.  Even so, I’m delighted that the prize deservedly went to President Bush.  In anticipation of this development, I hopped on a plane to Washington, DC and personally congratulated the President. The voters of Florida have chosen wisely.

John McCain

Think I’ll go eat worms

My candidate lost last night!  I’m so depressed, I can barely function.  

I guess the voters of New Iovadalina just don’t get it.  Spineless bastards must have lied in the pre-primary polling.  

The only reason we lost is because the other guys outspent us three to one.

The only reason we lost is because the media likes the other candidate better.  

Majority Leader Dodd Must Be Replaced

August 3, 2008

Chris Dodd’s ascension to Senate Majority Leader after Harry Reid resigned that position in February 2008 was a time of great hope for the netroots.  His Presidential campaign was strong on the issues; while it did not catch fire with the public it brought him great esteem among the netroots.  When he defeated Joe Biden for the position by one vote, we expected great things from him.  Instead, the past six months have brough bitter disappointment.  It is time for him to resign.

Chris Dodd campaigned for President calling for an end to the occupation of Iraq and a restoration of the Constitution.  And yet, Chris Dodd has failed to prevent yet another appropriation — albeit a smaller one than requested — to keep troops in Iraq through the end of the year.  And he has been unable to prevent passage of a FISA bill that, while it does not offer immunity to telcos, also does not state unequivocally that the President was violating the law.  Finally, he called for funding for programs that would fight global warming, and none has been forthcoming.

We had the right to expect more.  Dodd didn’t deliver, and so he must go.

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