Tag: sex

copyright © 2010 Betsy L. Angert.  BeThink.org

Another year has come and gone.  Everywhere she goes she hears people speak of New Years resolutions.  They all say this time will be different.  I will decide to do as I had not done previously or at least had not done well.  Countless commit to a life of calorie counting.  Others merely muse that they will exercise more.  Drugs, drinking, there are also discussions of these concerns.  People are confident.  This year I will deliver myself from what I think evil.  A few philosophize as to their personal career path.  Change is the objective.  A greater goal is thought to be golden.  As Author Mary Anne Radmacher reflected and now millions whisper as their mantra, “Live with intention . . .  Choose with no regret. . . . Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”  Therein lies the problem.

The Australian actress Nicole Kidman testified yesterday before the House International Organizations, Human Rights and Oversight Subcommittee on the subject of violence in film, in particular the sickening amount of onscreen violence against women.  Kidman stated that many roles portray women as weak, as mere sex objects, or as both and that this permissive attitude of debasement contributes greatly to real life acts of violence perpetrated against women.  The actress’ intent was not merely to condemn the film industry for its excesses but also to advance the larger issue of unchecked, infrequently prosecuted violent acts committed against women across the globe.

The Oscar-winning actress said she is not interested in those kinds of demeaning roles, adding that the movie industry also has made an effort to contribute to solutions for ending the violence.  Kidman testified before a House Foreign Affairs subcommittee that is considering legislation to address violence against women overseas through humanitarian relief efforts and grants to local organizations working on the problem.

That notable stories like these get submerged underneath the incessant back-and-forth of partisan or even inter-party bickering surprises me not one iota.  Such stories are often pigeonholed as merely “women’s topics” or moved to the back of the soft news queue, with the tacit assumption that celebrities are incapable of advancing much beyond their own careers or the manufactured drama designed to garnish publicity.  As for this particular example in question, Kidman is notably treading cautiously here, not willing to assign full blame to Hollywood because of her stated belief that it has devoted committed and serious internal efforts towards self-regulation.  Forgive me for being skeptical, because I know that few major money-making industries do an adequate job of policing themselves from within.  Specifically regarding the celluloid conglomerate, it took the Hays Code and then the puritanical Production Code before Tinseltown ever strongly curtailed the content found in moving pictures.          

First, let’s all take a page from the Maverick…sometimes you just have to laugh (in this case, to help from crying):

If you think about it, there is not a broader category of human experience to talk/write about than sex. It deeply informs and influences every aspect of human activity and interaction, as I pointed out in Sex: Part 1. From politics to spirituality to health to science, there is just a amazing amount of subject matter. In this edition, I had intended to write about the patriarchy and its cowardly attempts at domination and oppression of women over the past few eons….might makes right and all of the social and political aspects of that, sad state of affairs. But I find myself moved instead to write about the deepest reality and aspect of sex. The pure human aspect of it. The comfort and warmth and joy of it, the giggling slap and tickle….the lonely, longing, deep despair of losing it, the flush of excitement and horniness, and fear….of finding it. There is nothing more universal, human, and natural

than sex.

In the last couple of years, money and power sure have translated into sex when it comes to our National Political and Religious figures.  

First we had Mark (Underage Page) Foley.  I don’t know if he paid anyone anything, but it was certainly his undoing in the end.  He turned the page on his Congressional career, so to speak.

Next up?  President Bush’s spiritual advisor, Reverend Ted Haggard.  

While serving as President of the National Association of Evangelicals, Ted was outed by a male prostitute for snorting meth and having gay sex.  Ted then resigned his “position” as we all know.  

After spending time in teh Gay-hab, three weeks of intensive counseling, the Rev. declared that he was now completely hetrosexual.  The team working those three weeks with Haggard are not unlike Professional Golfers.  Those guys are GOOD!

There was an interesting article at alternet about why men engage the services of prostitutes in light of the latest public figure/prostitute scandal. The analysis is perfectly reasonable and sound. However, it clearly presents the use of paid sex workers as a pathology in itself. I wonder if the author see the consumers and those who offer it as being essentially in need of treatment solely based on that relationship.

But I pondered one thing…. why is it whenever one of these scandals arises we end up talking about sex via the prism of men? Why is it male sexuality and typically straight male sexuality that appears to define and frame our discussions of sex? Why do we still discuss sex in terms of a tenuous and bitterly tinged negotiation? Why do we assume monogamy is the highest ideal ( I am not against it ) and never suggest that notions of monogamy,and sexual exploration are actually pretty fluid. Monogamy made much more sense when we all got married at 15 and died when we were 45 and had minimal birth control so women were pregnant half their lives anyway. I am not building a personal or societal case against it either but the idea that  consensual sexual relations are a “one size fits all” paradigm is a bit silly.

And yet, unless things change significants the one symbol we never see in popular culture via television and movies is….. I know they exist because I have actually seen a couple.

I have seen countless pairs of breasts especially at work, given that two colleagues have had breast cancer and several others have had enhancements and the first thing they do when they get to work is run into our little closet sized office to show them off.

Michael Bader, who wrote the article at alternet and treats men in his practice argues that the men who frequent the services of prostitutes/sex workers posits that

I have found that for the overwhelming majority of them, the appeal lies in the fact that, after payment is made, the woman is experienced as completely devoted to the man — to his pleasure, his satisfaction, his care, his happiness. The man doesn’t have to please a prostitute, doesn’t have to make her happy, doesn’t have to worry about her emotional needs or demands. He can give or take without the burden of reciprocity

He asserts that

Such beliefs are often exaggerated and based on a belief and perception that women are high-maintenance, helpless, or disposed to be unhappy and dissatisfied. These beliefs are formed in childhood and are reinforced by our culture