Tag: writing in the raw

i am left with this one question: who are we?

cattle? feudal serfs? indentured servants? are we trapped? who’s in charge, anyway?

i only realize now that the real turn in my political perception happened after the Nov 2005 elections, when Democrats regained a slim majority in Congress. when i expected everything to happen. accountability. push-back at FISA, the Military Commissions Act, the Patriot Act, more oversight of the captains of industry and financial markets. i really thought, listening to the likes of Henry Waxman that the sane people, once again, had some meaningful influence over politics and policies.

what slowly began to dawn on me was that the people i thought would work to restore our country had sabotaging us all along.

so when i read Cheney on Wiretapping: “Congress said we could”

Cheney Rats Out Dem Leadership as His Co-Conspirators

experience is unconditional.

i heard this guy, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, say that in a video in Edger’s essay Been a Long Time Coming.

it was like someone hit a bell and the clarity and simplicity of its sound keeps reverberating in my head.

experience is unconditional. how simple: that which happens to us happens.  

what, then, are the mechanisms that condition our experience?

i’ve been thinking about this in the context, of say poking fun at Sarah Palin (she doesn’t seem to realize Africa is a continent).

Is it dismissive or disdainful when I label 59 million people who voted (a second time) for bush as stupid?

i wonder how our reactions to those of others might condition experience and the ensuing interactions among us. what am i filtering out that makes it near impossible for me to understand teaching creationism as science? it isn’t so much that i mind another view point, but come on. it is religion. not science. or is it?

Oh there is so much more

I signed up to write this week’s “writing in the raw” segment because it is the week before the 63rd anniversary of the U.S. dropping atomic bombs on the civilian populations of two Japanese cities, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

While thinking about this topic, one thought kept recurring – the idea of anger.  What is anger?  How does it come about?  What do we do with it?  How does anger become resolved?  And what purpose does anger serve?  This diary will be totally subjective, exploring my own feelings as I’m no scholar on the issue.  I’ve read a little about anger in Buddhist texts, but I’m relying mostly on my own personal feelings and development here.

Anger has been a constant companion throughout my life, always there, like a loyal dog following me about.  Sometimes it may be sleeping, not making a big commotion, but sooner or later it wakens and anger and I become like the proverbial dog chasing its own tail, round and round we go.  Sometimes the anger has lept ahead, dragging me along at the end of the leash, with little or no control over where the dog will take me.  

So please be pulled along beyond the fold…

i really didn’t have time to write much. but i didn’t want anybody else to take this evening either. it is the last writing in the raw i’ll do from the states for a while, so even with a sparse essay, i think i’ll keep it for myself.

actually, it’s after 10pm as i start writing this. so it will be brief.

i’m packed. ready to go. exhausted. i’ll definitely blog from the airport tomorrow. i usually pay to get into the business lounge… for $45, you get fruit, cheese, coffee/tea, cookies, alcohol, tv, internet and a little desk from which you blog, and a comfy, quiet place to zone out for a few hours. premium wine/alcohol will cost you… hey Mu, might be one of the tips for your travel space.

okay. so that’s it.

well, and i’ll explain the title. just a bit.

getting on that plane tomorrow is amazing. there have been difficult times and yet, somehow, ej and i managed to hold onto to each other. over the phone. one-line e-mails. packages filled with small fetish items. a sense of humor. and well, we just get along. whenever i’m with him, by heart rate slows (unless you know…), i become very at ease. i smile a lot. i’m actually funny when i’m relaxed and not thinking about George Bush et al.

i sleep really well when i sleep with him. and when we get up, he has this funny little fresh face, squinty eyes and he’s smiling. maybe he looks a little like a baby bird or something. but it touches my heart. and it inspires me to get up and make coffee and cook breakfast.

we hold hands. we like the way each other smells. we think it’s funny when strangers fall down or break something in a store (but we don’t really want anybody to be really hurt). we love to go to museums. or find secret gardens. we like to wander in cities and towns. oh. and we both love madly medieval cathedrals and churches.

he likes to cook. i like to eat. he likes to complain. i like to sit, cross-legged, and listen and laugh at him and how he, in a very animated fashion, counts off each absurdity with his fingers.

i tell him everything has a shelf life. if we’re lucky, we’ll just die together, around 99 years old, in a plane crash or car accident. because i always see us together, old and beautiful. and i just know i’ll love him even more then… the two of us always walking, looking at the world together, my hand in the pocket of his old jacket.

this is one of those moments. when love wins.

part I

i’m moving to The Netherlands on May 30 and won’t be around as much… due to a six hour time difference and settling into my new life.

next Thursday will likely be my last writing in the raw for a while. however, I intend to keep posting the Friday Pony Parties at 6ish… well, i will resume posting the ponies. i’ve been a bit distracted and out of any reasonable routine these last weeks.

so. nine months or thereabouts. absorbed in, with, about Docudharma. i have to tell you, i was shocked when buhdy asked me to join Docudharma as a contributing editor. i’m still not sure what prompted the invitation… but it has been the very best place for me over these many months. and it feels like i’ve known so many of you for years now… i love how the energy of friendship has surpassed time and space and 3d to find its way to me.

it has been thrilling to be immersed in your talents, encouraged by your brave hearts, sheltered by your kindness, and kept alive laughing by some of the wittiest, funniest people i’ve had the pleasure to know and love. And I am mostly kept sane absorbing the simple and honorable commitment of so many to do right by this living planet of ours.

i just thought you guys should know. how important you are. to me.

I am back in Flemington NJ. I left home when I was 31 to come here and live with my boyfriend. I think they thought I would never leave. And I never really wanted to leave. They were right about that. I liked being a child. I liked that I could always got to my mom’s house when I was sick. Or that I could always knock on my dad’s door for pasta at midnight after a wild night out…

No. I wasn’t looking for a mate. I was happy with a boyfriend.

It’s a roller coaster ride. A tumbling act. We let words loose to persuade, describe, exclaim, defame, refute, convince, lie, confuse, or clarify.

We take stands, have platforms, craft mission statements and credos, construct constitutions, and write theses and treatises. We’re busy alright. Conquering worlds with words… and sometimes the horizons explode. Sometimes all light is lost…….