Today is “Talk Like a Pirate Day”…which would explain why everyone’s staring at my booty….. 😉 Consider your timbers shivered, and enjoy pillaging the following, collected from the vast reaches of the seven seas internet…..
Pirate Terror Warning System from this link
Most people don’t know this, but when all this terrorism nonsense became all the rage, Cap’n Slappy assigned his good friend, “Ol Chumbucket” to the task of developing the Department of Pirateland Security. He examined all of the intelligence reports and came up with this color coded scheme to keep all pirates everywhere anxious and awaiting certain doom. The code is as follows:
* Code Off-White (parchment): There are terrorists everywhere. You can’t see ’em but they are everywhere and they are planning to terrorize you with their terror. But before they can terrorize you, we are going to build up your terror by telling you to buy Duct Tape and Bottled Water. Do you feel the terror? Because you SHOULD!
* Code Dingy Yellow: Yep. That be a terrorist alright. Time to start running around screaming and wetting yerself! Now that you are moist and stinky, yer best defense is to play dead. Ah! YOU BREATHED! That Means we move to…
* Code Orangish Yellowish Brown: Alright. The terrorist has seen you move and is attacking you personally. Didn’t I tell you NOT to breathe? How many rolls of Duct Tape did you buy? That’s not NEARLY enough! Oh, yer in for it now, me buck-o!
* Code Brown with Corn Clusters: Ye went and soiled yerself, didn’t ye? Well, who’s going to care? Yer already mortally wounded what with yer guts hanging out and being down to yer last drops of blood. If ye had taken it more seriously when we were at code Off-White…well…so, it all would have happened anyway, but ye would have had more Duct Tape! Then, perhaps we could have duct-taped yer guts in! But, NO! Ye had to make the jokes, didn’t ye?
* Code Black: Yer already dead! What were you thinking? Yer as dead as John Paul Jones! What’s the point of having a color coded system if yer going to be all DEAD? Can we use yer left-over Duct Tape?