William F. Buckley, Jr. died today. For those of you too young to ‘know’ Buckley, he was one of the Godfathers of the conservative movement. He helped lead us to Nixon, Reagan, and the Bushes.
Tag: death
Feb 16 2008
Here lay we all
A friend of mine died yesterday, Valentines Day morning. She was at home surrounded by her sisters and held by her husband at the moment her body failed, as they sang to her and prayed. I sat in the hallway a few feet away and listened but did not impose myself to take up precious space at her bedside. She had pancreatic cancer that had remitted and recurred. Pain medication partially worked in the last few days, providing her hours or minutes of unconsciousness at a time but not in the final hour and a half of her life. Although unresponsive, she cried out strongly and often. Drowning finally ended her pain.
A couple of years ago she was diagnosed cancer and her prognosis was less than 5% chance of living beyond 6 months. Her treatment was first rate and with chemotherapy and surgery she went into complete remission. There wasn’t a trace of cancerous tissue in the organs that were removed, the therapy had been so successful, which is rare. However the treatment was so hard on her that she was left a shell of herself. We nearly lost her then and she almost succumbed to the trauma of the treatment. She had intense pride and it was clear she suffered greatly from seeing herself so feeble so she strictly limited her contact with anyone including old friends. Slowly she regained her health with many bumps along the way and only recently did we start seeing her back in her familiar settings. I saw her just before Thanksgiving as she made a point of coming to see me. She looked strong and had the old powerful and happy glint in her eye. She had always been a force to behold and she was back. I hugged her and told her how good she looked. I was happy to finally have her fully here among us again. Not more than a month later her diagnosis was changed again with no hope this time of survival. She went into bottomless depression and refused contact with anyone but her immediate family. Being a nurse, she even attempted push her family away and to find a facility to commit herself to that would oversee her care and allow her to deny her family the witness of the wrenching end she knew was coming. Of course that was far too much to demand of anyone and she was lovingly cared for at home by her family and hospice, but her passing has left wounds on those that were there. Hospice is a blessing, believe me.
Feb 07 2008
Total Loser
I’m such a loser.
Such a total loser.
I’m starting to feel really good about it.
Jan 05 2008
Losing G’Kar
Just discovered that Major Andy Olmstead has been killed in Iraq and wanted to put this up here.
He was the first casualty for 2008 in Iraq. And a small part of Maj. Andrew Olmsted likely would’ve chuckled at that fact. It would be droll and play into his sense of self-deprecation.
But for everyone else, the news would be devastating.
Amanda Wilson, his wife of 10 years, could barely talk Friday. The notifying officers came to her door in Colorado Springs on Thursday to tell her that Olmsted’s unit had been ambushed and that he was dead. Also killed was Cpt. Thomas J. Casey, 32, of Albuquerque.
It was small arms fire, they said. The gaping blackness after that moment seemed to suck away all the words, leaving only soft sobs in their wake.
“I know,” she said quietly when condolences were passed on to her. Her mother, who was flown in Friday to help, was also having trouble with the news. “She’s trying to be brave,” Wilson’s soft voice said.
Olmsted, however, asked everyone to avoid being maudlin. And he asked everyone via a blog, of course. The 38-year-old soldier based out of Fort Carson was a prolific blogger – including one he did steadily for the Rocky Mountain News dating back to his deployment in July.
His final posting where he speaks to us from beyond the grave is at Obsidian Wings.
It’s hard for me NOT to make something of this nature political because I see everything concerning Iraq as political. Andy Olmstead though has asked us all not to do this while observing his death. He is asking us to participate in observing a tradition of excellence that has been lately ignored in the military of this democracy and that is THE ALWAYS APOLITICAL MILITARY OFFICER IN SERVICE TO THIS NATION!
Dec 27 2007
Our farewell to “Mumsie” (my mother-in-law)
Grieving is hard. Writing is cathartic.
At least, it is for us.
I just posted a piece called “As I Lay Dying…” — A Farewell to Mumsie on both ePluribus Media and DailyKos, the two spots on the vast Intertube network where she was known the best.
It was a stream-of-consciousness piece that Wifey and I both shared in the creation of, started as I sat vigil by Mumsie’s side in the nursing home and completed, for the most part, last night as Wifey and I quietly passed the small pocket computer between us at our local watering hole.
Please go leave a comment in one or both places for Wifey, and if you “knew” Mumsie through any of our writings please feel free to post a note for her as well.
Oct 15 2007
The Second Half of the Equation — # 2 — Evolve or Die
About 25 years ago, I woke from a good night’s sleep filled with words. The words went something like this:
—If evolution is now the evolution of consciousness (and I believe it is), ergo, whatever species is evolving in consciousness must become aware of increasingly more aspects of the totality of being, must become aware of that part of being which is death—
When awareness of death began dawning in the evolving consciousness of homo
sapiens (although animals have some sense of death, they don’t wake in the morning thinking, ‘I’m going to die some day’), the human species reacted largely with fear, denial, and avoidance. This ‘significant’ awareness of death in the evolving human consciousness seems to have coincided with the transition from a matriarchal to a patriarchal orientation in society.
I state these only as interesting possibilities, to be examined, thought about, researched, felt with the heart, contemplated…
Early literatures, like the Gilgamesh Epic, have themes of searching for the fountain of eternal life. From fear and attempted denial, the effort to escape, the effort to transcend death, became a driving force of western civilization, and led to much of our cultural and technological progress.
Through various religious constructs, humans sought to continue existence in an afterlife where we join our loved ones who have gone before, to continue where we left off, so to speak.
Other means of ‘escaping’ death were such devices as fame, power, control of nature, wealth. So, if you are as rich as Walt Disney (of the Happy, Magic Kingdom) you can, at that moment of imminent death, have your body frozen in cryonics until science comes up with a cure for whatever it was from which you were about to expire.
But I apologize for being on the brink of slipping into sarcasm and humor in what is a very serious subject. Yet I love to laugh!
There are many means by which we have attempted to avoid and deny. Find your own examples.
But, as the psychologists say…
“Whatever we deny is bound to come back to haunt us, writ large, barring the
way forward! Saying, “This denied content is what is blocking the way
forward.” Saying, “Deal with this. Integrate this. This psychic content
is what is barring your way forward, is barring your further growth, is
barring your evolution…”
Our very attempts to avoid death, our attempts to dominate nature, to control natural processes in a non-integrated manner–have brought us to this point where we have created…
DEATH WRIT LARGE ACROSS THE PLANET
…saying, basically, deal with this, integrate this, awareness and acceptance of death is the way forward.
And so the very threat to our survival is the gateway and the impetus to our evolution forward.
—With the splitting of the atom, everything has changed save man’s way of thinking, and thus we drift toward unimaginable peril—
With our technological advances we have taken into our own hands the power which was once attributed only to Gods. This mandates that we evolve man’s way of thinking to become at least somewhat more equivalent to the thinking of the Gods. Evolve or die! Thus it has always been.
Be excellent to each other…we’re in this together…this is all we have…
Oct 14 2007
Kiss of Death
Positive for lead:
L’Oreal Colour Riche “True Red”: 0.65 ppm
L’Oreal Colour Riche “Classic Wine”: 0.58 ppm
Cover Girl Incredifull Lipcolor “Maximum Red”: 0.56 ppm
Dior Addict “Positive Red”: 0.21 ppm
Oct 08 2007
The 2nd Half of the Equation!
A paraphrase:
—With the splitting of the atom, everything has changed save man’s way of
thinking; and thus we drift toward unimaginable peril…
paraphrase of Albert Einstein
With the splitting of the atom, humans took on the technological power which was once attributed only to the gods. But the second part of the equation, man’s way of thinking, did not make a similar leap.
Thus we are involved in balancing the second part of the equation. We are involved in the evolution of consciousness. This evolution is imperative
for the survival of the species.
Survival depends on adaptation to this evolutionary imperative.
Will we make it? I don’t know.
Yet I do know that this is the challenge.
I will contribute more of my ramblings on this subject soon. Thanks
Oct 03 2007
maybe weeks…
death. yeah, it really does happen. it’s just hard to believe. and in no way can i understand it.
the full impact of death didn’t really penetrate until my mother died. then i got it. there is nothing personal to it. it just happens.
Sep 22 2007
Friday Philosophy: Death
I sometimes (partially facetiously) refer to myself as “immortal until proven otherwise.” This is different than I have felt about the subject in the past (witness four or five suicide attempts). But I am apparently a survivor and see no reason for that to change. Sure, my body might wear out and no longer function well enough to support keeping my being in contact with the world of our outward shared reality (or is that our shared hallucination?), but I cannot believe that my body is the sum total of who I am (for one thing, there’s just not enough room in there to hold all that is me).
Our culture (is there really such a general concept?) has always seemed to me to place too much emphasis on death, about how we must “prepare” for it (some people spend way too much energy doing so, in my opinion) and how we must live our lives so that some unknown Good Thing will happen when we die. The truth of the matter (well, it’s my truth) is that we don’t really know what will happen to us when our bodies no longer function. All is speculation or hope…faith, if you will. Someday my heart will stop beating. What will happen at that moment is any body’s guess. Think of it as passing through a Door that only permits one-way travel.
Sep 18 2007
History will not absolve us.
While all the rage are primary diaries, OJ back in jail, Stars who will be dancing once again and the Patriots who seemed to have cheated, we just passed 1,000,000 dead Iraqi civilians.
This blood is on your, mine and every other American’s hands until we stop this war. We are the barbarians at their gate, their new Khan knocking on their door. More Iraqis have now died than during the Rwanda genocide. What will history call this? We should be beyond ashamed, we should be hiding our face in horror from international view until we stop this war.
Below, each O represents 20 dead Iraqi civilians.
Each O represents just one of these, JUST ONE:
Look at it below. LOOK AT IT.
LOOK AT IT NOW AND SEE WHAT OUR COUNTRY HAS WROUGHT.
End the damn war, or accept our place in the annuals of time as the harbringers of doom. HISTORY WILL NOT ABSOLVE US. LOOK AT IT.
EACH O IS 20 DEAD IRAQIS. LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT NOW.