Tag: bogus

Osama bin Laden Captured

By Your Correspondent

WACO, Texas (SNRK News Int’l) – For the second time in a week, an internationally sought-after fugitive has been captured. Osama bin Laden, atop the FBI’s Most Wanted list since 1998, was arrested earlier today in Crawford, Texas, a small town near the city of Waco. Serbian Bosnian Radovan Karadži?, wanted for war crimes in the Bosnian war of 1992-95, was captured Monday in Belgrade.

Bin Laden was whisked away in a convoy of big black SUVs. His whereabouts at this time are unknown. Government sources, who refused to be identified because they are not authorized to speak to the press, said the 51-year-old bin Laden has been living under the alias of Sam Benjamin Jr. A quick Googling revealed that, in 2005, Benjamin won the Dallas-Ft. Worth-Waco-Austin Realtor of the Year Award for exceptional sales volume at his company, Alkiyder Homes and Condos.

Nobody at the White House, FBI, CIA, Transportation Security Administration, National Security Administration, Secret Service, Pentagon, Homeland Security,  National Reconnaissance Office, National Counterterrorism Center, National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, Dick Cheney’s Cabal, Defense Intelligence Agency or Crawford Police Department would speak to your correspondent on the record about the capture. At the State Department, however, a Miss Condoleeza Rice answered the phone and firmly told us, “There was no way we could have known bin Laden would change his name and move to Texas.”

Exactly when bin Laden arrived is as yet unknown. But exclusive interviews with neighbors and co-workers reveal that he moved into his modest Crawford house in October 2002.

“He’s the perfect tenant,” said Amanda Beauregard-Simpson, the owner of the house that the man she knew as Sam rented. “Never late with a payment, always cash. Always polite, too, genuinely friendly. Kind of sad, though. He doesn’t talk much about his family, but I gather they are estranged for some reason. I don’t like to pry, y’know? Who did you say he is again?”

At right, ‘Sam Benjamin Jr.’ at the Alkiyder Homes & Condos Web site