As a writer, Thomas Friedman is a goddamned miracle.
In the space of the first four paragraphs of today’s column in the New York Times, Friedman compares US-friendly Persian Gulf countries to carnival workers at a weight-guessing booth, and also to the stuffed animals that a lucky carnival-goer could win at that booth.
The United States is — I think, having read this three times — like a carnival-goer trying to win a stuffed animal at the weight-guessing booth. But Friedman’s point is not that the United States wants to win a US-friendly Persian Gulf country, which is what you’d think Friedman must mean, if those countries are stuffed-animal prizes at the weight-guessing booth; and his point is not that the United States wants to win something from a US-friendly Persian Gulf country, which is what you’d think he must mean if those countries are the carnies running the booth.
His point, which I confess I did not see coming, is that Iran is like a drug dealer. Paragraph five:
The Gulf Arabs feel like they have this neighbor who has been a drug dealer for 18 years. Recently, this neighbor has been very visibly growing poppies for heroin in his backyard in violation of the law. He’s also been buying bigger and better trucks to deliver drugs. You can see them parked in his driveway.
Maybe a lot of carnies are drug dealers. Maybe they use stuffed animals to smuggle heroin into the United States, with trucks. I have no idea. At various points over the next several paragraphs, the US is the police, and also holding a stuffed animal — but Friedman doesn’t mean that the US is holding a US-friendly Persian Gulf country stuffed with heroin that the US found in a truck.
I don’t know.
What I do know is that Friedman manages to insert a few paragraphs in the midst of that literary tsunami that are both wildly misleading and indicative of current misunderstandings in Washington punditry on the subject of Iranian nuclear enrichment.