The liberal media is just goin’ positively goofy today about the $150,000 worth of clothes the Republican National Committee bought for me. Well, gosh, what were they supposed to do? Those nice men at the RNC didn’t want me goin’ around naked! And I would look pretty stupid if Tina Fey looked better than me every week. I’m not about to be caught lookin’ stupid, that’s for gosh-darn sure. Besides, the Democrat Party does this kinda’ stuff all the time. Why, I heard that Barack Obama spent $542,000 to have his ears pulled away from his head for that “liberal Harvard elite” look.
But let me address this directly without the filter of the liberal media. First, I don’t plan to keep those clothes. I’m going to donate them to charity. You see, like all good Christian people I like to spread the wealth arou . . . errr, ummm, I like to help those less fortunate than myself. So I’ll be giving all those clothes to the Salvation Army, where poor folks can go in and get something nice to wear whenever they have to give a speech in front of 10,000 people.