Crossposted from Antemedius
The White House on Wednesday said that Obama – after a week or so of making empty threats to try to pre-emptively defuse any tentative whimpering thoughts of opposition among the peasants to it – has changed his mind and now announces that he will not veto the controversial 2012 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA).
The president’s spokesman Carney Barker said lawmakers who crafted a compromise version from rival Senate and House versions of the legislation had addressed his reluctance about growing a pair and publicly taking ownership of the tough rules on detainees contained in Sections 1031 and 1032 of the act.
Sections 1031 and 1032 authorize the U.S. President to at his whim indefinitely detain and tie to their bedposts anyone anywhere he in his sole discretion decides to label as “enemy combatants” anywhere in the world without charge or trial forever, and have them be held in military custody stripped of all constitutional rights such as habeas corpus, the right to an attorney, the right to face their accusers, and other ridiculous rights and freedoms that he knows people in other parts of the world hate them for having.
Civil liberties advocates and others were furious at lawmakers for the broad scope of the provisions, which allows U.S. citizens on U.S. soil to be indefinitely detained without trial. Now the gloves are off and he can just grab anyone anytime off the street who happens – even without obvious reason – to excite him.
“Constitution be damned, we’re dealing with republicans badmouthing him in public all over town every chance they get like they think he’s their boyfriend” said Press Secretary Carney Barker, who also noted that “Unlike previous president Bush who kept his Dick in an office down the hall, Obama has been whispering sweet nothings and been publicly Dick-less since he was elected, but no longer. Being in bed with republicans has been making his head throb for three long years, and now he’s finally standing up!”.
Obama chief complaint had been that the goddamn piece of paper might continue to handcuff him as badly as another goddamn piece of paper so far has, keeping him as weak and powerless as he has been the past three years since his inauguration, but his handlers have finally convinced him that you just can’t go putting restrictions on the unitary executive, after all, or republicans might continue to bipartisanly call him “weak on national security”.