Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I never wanted another.
Your mission is to proceed up the Wasilla River, pick up the trail of returned designer clothes, follow it and learn what you can along the way. When you find Sarah Palin, infiltrate her team by whatever means available and terminate her political future.
Terminate her political future???
She’s up there in Alaska operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any rational human conduct. She’s still in office commanding the Alaska National Guard, she’s stark raving mad, but she’s going to run for president in 2012 anyway.
I mentioned the turkey beheading incident and suggested that Palin’s been terminating her political future at a pretty good clip all by herself, so why send me up there? But they wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet. Palin was out there somewhere, still ranting about Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson, still raving about liberal media treachery, descending into madness hundreds of Bridge to Nowhere miles from here.
I looked out the window. Juneau . . . shit, I’m still only in Juneau. I braced myself for the harrowing journey ahead, a journey that would snake through Alaska like a frozen circuit cable–plugged straight into . . .