I’ve been doing some deep thinking, and was going to post three essays today featuring my deep thoughts about the economic crisis, the banking crisis, and the global warming crisis, but the deeper I thought about these deep issues and the deep impact they are having, the deeper I sank into deep crisis fatigue. So I took a deep break, and realized that except for Norm Coleman and possibly John Cornyn, no one has ever had deeper thoughts about deep issues than Jack Handey . . .
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: “That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”
If you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
I have the deepest respect for Jack Handey, but I think it’s more likely God is crying because of all the crap Evangelical Christianists do. They should listen to Jack Handey. We all should, after all, he tried to warn us about Wall Street bankers. When they die, we’ll say, “Those guys sure owe us a lot of money.” And long after they’re dead, our great grandchildren will say, “Those guys still owe us a lot of money.” Jack Handey’s deep thoughts encompass more issues than one might think at first glance. Take Daily Kos, for example. It’s like ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.